I SO MISS CAMBODIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd usually do a day-by-day post on my trips but this is way more than just an overseas trip, so I'll do so in parts.

Cambodia Part 1 - Hello Cambodia! (Phnom Penh -> Koh Kong, 19/12)

It was a long, long time of travelling from Phnom Penh into Koh Kong. But I must say, the stars there are simply gorgeous. Talk about starry, starry night. It was also nice looking at cows along the road. And I wish I could have riden on a tuk-tuk! But, never mind. Hahahaha.

Cambodia Part 2 - Day at the Beach (Bak Klang, 20/12)

I was really blessed by how friendly the locals are. A few of us were taking a walk down the village when we met a couple of youths from the Bak Klang church, and they offered to bring us around. We shopped with them at the marketplace, visited the school there, and went to one of their houses. Even though there did exist a language barrier, it was still a great afternoon, thank God for their warmth and hospitality!

The kids there are great too. We probably looked like martians to them initially but it wasn't long before our youths and the kids were playing together so happily at the beach! It was both a heart-warming and amazing sight. It's really wonderful, the pure, innocent, sincere joy on the children's faces. These people, they don't live in the best conditions, they're poor financially, but there's this bond among them and a contentment that can't be found in the people here. There, it just takes an afternoon at the beach to make a child so happy but here, a hundred PSP's wouldn't do the trick. Not to mention the warmth shown by the villagers to us, making us feel at home even in a foreign land. And glancing at the sea, we no longer see Singaporeans and Cambodians, but rather, we see a group of friends gelled as one. It's so beautiful seeing the love shown by the youths to the children, I was really encouraged and moved. It's truly the love of God that shone through, a love that transcends all language barriers and background differences. Thank God for the day at the beach, and for creating such a beautiful sunset, the best I've ever seen. Oh, and I'd never appreciated rice and gravy so much till that night.

Ain't the sunset and scenery just so beautiful!

I'm leaving on a jet plane~~~

Only it's not entirely a jet, and I do know when I'll be back again.

HAHA.

I'd wanted to blog an emotion-filled post but looking at the time now... Nah. I'm starting to feel excited, I can't wait to see how Cambodia is like! And, I really need this trip.

You guys better miss me!

Till the 28th! :D

Oh man oh man oh man...........

I'm really sad cos I won't see some people for 10 days or more and I know it's stupid but I'm sad!

:( :( :(

Really encouraged by this video, one of Hillsong's Worship leaders talks about her experience on losing an unborn child and how she saw a bigger God through her circumstances. Do watch it! :)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10

Thank God for the weather yesterday! It was our actual GESL event, thank God that the rain only came when we were done with the activities. And it stopped just before we boarded the boat back to the mainland! Woohoo~

It was fun! Besides the miscalculation of timing, but even that was amusing. We'd estimated that the amazing race would take 5 hours. Being in charge of the second last station, Jesslyn and I went to find the rest of the Chek Jawa station masters to play cards and slack around. We thought that we'd only return to our station slightly before the 4th hour or something. Who'd have known that the first team would appear at the Swiss Cottage (the station before ours) in the middle of our slacking session during the 2nd hour! We were totally shocked and had to dash to our station in case the team beat us there, which would have been hilarious wahaha. Samantha's reaction at seeing the teams was really funny. It was like, "Oh." *after a few more seconds* "OH!!!!!" *picks up the flags and dashes to her station* It was just really funny, everyone's shock at the arrival of the team, then rushing around like mad hatters packing up all the rubbish lol! So, from the estimated ending time of 5.15pm, we actually ended at 3 plus hoho. But we stayed till 7 plus before leaving, having a rollercoaster ride on a police van, playing bridge, and getting terrified by dogs in between.

Hmm. It's unbelievable how the Cambodia trip's only 3 days away, how the year is coming to a close, how school is starting soon, how my holidays just flew by like that, how the whole year just zoomed by. I guess, this holiday has been different. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I shouldn't sleep so much. Haha.

We don't know the reason but God does.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

2 Timothy 4: 7

I did the craziest cycling ever in my life at Pulau Ubin today. It was absolutely exhausting and several times I thought I was gonna faint of dehydration and starvation. But I came out of it very much alive. Words couldn't express my joy when I discovered that we'd finally returned to our starting point!

Thank God for the weather, safety, wonderful company, the experienced policemen (and woman), thank God for the trip! It was great (minus the uphill biking) and the view at certain places was simply gorgeous. Not to mention the moment of victory I felt when I successfully completed the course of our biking! It was as though I'd just conquered Mount Everest when I'd actually only cycled in Pulau Ubin hahaha. Thank God for my GESL mates, they're just awesome. :)

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Oh, yeah.

I'm so gonna wake up aching all over tomorrow. Wish I could stay at home and stick to my bed but well, pressing things to do! Heheh.

"Let's go bowling and bowl Sarah in!"

I honestly find that very funny. Lol.

So we (Amantha, Sarah and myself) had this spontaneous decision to hang out somewhere to countdown to Sarah's birthday. Amantha's parents picked us up in the car, drove us back to their place, after which Amantha took the car and we were on our way to East Coast Park! We didn't manage to reach by 12am, so Sarah had the privilege of a birthday song sung in the car. Hahaha. Speaking of which... It's so cool to be able to drive!!!!!!! Imagine driving out for supper in the wee hours. But anyway, we had Round 1 of supper at Murphy's Cafe, followed by chilling (some distance) from the beach. Then the crazy idea of heading to Geylang for supper at one of the coffeeshops (can't remember the name) came up. And yeah, off we went, for Round 2.

That was really cool, the sudden decisions, chats, laughter and all. Not to mention that Amantha travelled from the east to west and back to the east again sending us home, and it was rather late. Thanks girl!!!!!! :) :) Thanks for the sharing too. :)

Well thank God for you two coming down for Uth today. And thank God for the message. So simple but time and time again we just lose our focus. It's indeed a reminder that while our journeys aren't gonna be a bed of roses, God will always be with us. That alone is a really comforting thought.

I really like this picture! Credit to Serene. :)

Blessed birthday, Sarah!

And blessed first to me, hahahaha. I can't believe, I can't believe, how an entire year just swept by. Wow!

:)

"ZOOM and the semester is over."

"BOOMZ and the next semester will come." (Lee, 2009)

So true how time flies. It seemed like yesterday when I entered NIE, a clueless, almost helpless soul. And now, it's already the end of our first semester. It ended on a terrible note but that aside, thank God for having seen me through the exams. Many discouraging moments, but thank God for His grace and strength. Not to mention, I had a good laugh (to myself) when I saw that Ris Low's pronunciations of "hospitaleetee", "zeebrah" and "LEOPARD PREENS" came out as one entire 15-mark question in the Language paper! I was just completely boomz-ed by that. :D And and and, thank you Amantha, for this!

Tell me you're not going "SO CUTE" this instant.

Thanks dear girl, I had a hard time getting myself to eat it cos it's just toooooooo cute but did in the end! And we could copy other stuff next time. ;)

"Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us! For we are exceedingly filled with contempt."

Psalm 123: 3

This is so apt. Cos I'm frustrated. And it's frustrating that I'm frustrated. It's like a spectator yelling at the goalkeeper during a soccer game "HEY YOU SHOULD HAVE BLOCKED THAT BALL" like he himself could have done it better. I shouldn't be feeling this way. God doesn't want me to feel this way. I shouldn't even be thinking of those things that I want to say. It's a timely reminder. That we shouldn't criticise. That we should intercede. I have to stop thinking like I'm some high-and-mighty person. I'm simply not. It's not for me to say and do and change anything. It's for Him to. Give it to Him. Give it to Him.

Your Faithfulness - Brian Doerksen

I don't know what this day will bring

Will it be disappointing, filled with long for things?

I don't know what tomorrow holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain

If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?

I don't know what the future holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

Certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in Your faithfulness

Surer than a mother's tender love

Surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die

Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?

No, I don't know how much time is left

But in the end, I will know Your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul

When thoughts and storms of doubt

Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

Certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in Your faithfulness

Surer than a mother's tender love

Surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in Your faithfulness

I can rest in Your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring

Will it be disappointing, filled with long for things?

I don't know what tomorrow holds

Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Awesome song. It'll be up here soon!

Yeah...

Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

My masterpiece!

:D

I think I'll have to charge Sarah a fee for copyright infringement since she's been quoting my blog posts (the whole post sometimes) but she says she puts references, which reminds me of essays.

HAHA alright this is totally random, I'm talking about this just cos I told Sarah I'd blog about her. She's apparently very happy that I'm seated super far away from her for the Language paper, which is really mean. Really mean. Hahahahaha!

MY PHONE IS GOING CRAZY and I haven't started studying. :( :( :(

The sports hall in NIE's really elusive. You can kind of see it from the bus-stop but you just can't get to it. That's what Angela and I were trying to do for a whole 15 minutes this morning. And after we thought that we'd found the entrance, the security guard said that we had to go back where we came from cos no bags were allowed beyond that point. So we had to go all the way up to the first storey, then down to B2 by another staircase. We were totally walking in circles, lol. Thank God we weren't late!

After the paper, Sarah called and said that Amantha was looking for me cos she'd got something to tell me and she asked me to go look for them. I thought it'd be something important, but... Here's what she said.

"Ruth! I haven't copied the dictionary and I'm not done with History and I haven't revised bIOgraphy! Can you help me copy the dictionary?????"

LOL!!!!!!! I totally couldn't stop laughing. At the fact that they called me so that I could hear their intentional "compilation". BUT IT MADE MY DAY hahaha. And I hope I won't burst out laughing in the middle of the Language paper.

Speaking of which, my learning log's... 2 pages filled. And no one's allowed to react to that. In front of me, that is. :D

Oh, and over-confidence is never a good thing. Perhaps it's better to realise that early.

Off to sleeeeeeeeep.

D-day, d-day.

I know there're several insane people who're extremely excited about the exams. And I'm totally not. The only thing I'm excited about is the arrival of 24th Nov, 11.30am. Hoho.

Hmmm. When we know something so well or when we're good at something, we tend to depend on ourselves and think that we can pull it off successfully on our own strength, we fail to depend on God, and we forget to give credit where it's due. I've indeed been giving myself way too much credit. I've been focusing on the wrong stuff, I've been letting comments dictate my thinking. I shouldn't be aiming to show anyone anything so that I can feel so good about it. I have to be humble. More than that, I have to be focused.

You, just You.

I'm exceedingly proud of myself for waking up bright and early this morning to study with Amantha, Calvin and Sarah. Well, we just discussed a Grammar past-year paper, but that's good for me! The consultation with Dr. Ludwig was really cool. And is he amazing. He asked me for my name, to which I simply replied, "Ruth." "Oh, Ruth Zhuo?" He'd apparently seen my name on Facebook somehow, somewhere, but he assured us that he isn't a stalker. Haha. And his academic life's really amazing. From a student who had to repeat a year in Secondary school to being offered a place in Cambridge to pursue his Masters, eventually obtaining his PhD, that's just... Wow. :)

And I still can't get over that mental image of someone attempting to copy the entire dictionary into a 40-page or so learning log since we can't bring our dictionaries for the exams. HAHAHAHAHA!

Alright, this is a really random post. I'm just so bored waiting for the Amazing Race to start. Heheh.

My PBL journey…

Has officially come to an end! While I was waiting fervently for the arrival of this day, I can’t deny it was a bittersweet moment when we departed from the classroom. PBL was a torture in itself, all that generation of ideas, research, frustration, frequent sleepless nights, intense preparations for D-Day, not to mention the endless waiting, but it was PBL that brought five different people together! I will definitely miss the time spent together being crazy, being stressed, and being BOOMZ.

I thank God, really, for this entire experience. It’s the one project that I really soaked myself in. Knowing my character… I really thank God for my awesome group mates who pushed me to give my best and do stuff that I wouldn’t have taken the initiative to in the past. Wow, looks like I’ve learnt the art of motivation from the project! Haha. But yep, thank God for the fun and laughter, all the nonsensical stuff we said and did that would really brighten my days, the last two weeks of PBL where a few of us met up almost every day to rush our incomplete work like mad, the chilling and eating sessions, even for the trying, stressful and exasperating moments cos those were the times I got the most out of this! And how could I forget, THANK GOD FOR MY GROUP MATES!!!!!

As I’d mentioned, I felt a tinge of sadness when EdPsych class officially ended on Friday. It’s the course that I enjoyed the most, next to Grammar, and I’m really gonna miss my classmates, several of whom I might never see again if we don’t bother to keep in contact! Alright, that sounds exaggeratingly depressing but looking at how I refuse to spend an extra moment in school, it’s possible. On top of that, I’m gonna miss our random lunching and chit-chatting days at the Engineering block’s food court! Hee, that point when we said our goodbyes, I really felt rather gloomy.

The last of PBL and EdPsych. Awww.

My fabulous group!

With our fabulous tutor, Ms Lim, whom I'm gonna miss loads as well.

Since we didn't take a picture together, here's the other half of our lunching group. Their presentation slides were WOW!

BOOMZ-ERS!!!!!

Lastly, just a random picture

of negative externalities that were laughing away when the people around were trying to study. Heehee.

Thank God for the week that has passed, it's been exhausting, but it's all over. For now... Exams! And discussion of Grammar answers with the hilarious people tomorrow. So sweet of them to wait for me just cos I don't wanna go to school so early. Awww. :)

I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I need Your wisdom and guidance.

I could feel the coldness and nonchalance setting in. To an extent, I still felt a little hurt, a little angry. I didn’t think that the party deserved my time. I thought about it in the wee hours of the night, the steady rhythm of raindrops against my window, and it occurred to me. Hadn’t I just been doing 5 days of “I am set apart”? I prayed. I really have to stop taking the things and people around me for granted. I was all of a sudden so thankful for the friends God has blessed me with. Lord, grant me the patience, help me to love as You loved.

I’m extremely tired, having dragged myself out of bed this morning after an hour’s sleep to go for the Language lecture which I haven’t attended since the first week of the semester. Yeah, that was essentially my second time going for the lecture. I felt that it wasn’t worth my time, but I did resolve to go for all my lectures this week, seeing that it’s the last week of school. Well kinda. The good that came out of it was breakfast with the Boomz-ers, Angela and Amantha. All that nonsensical talk about flies and whatnots. And of course, PBL with the usual rad stuff. My group just refuses to take my suggestion on our group name being Leopard Preens. Heh.

I totally can’t wait for Friday to come and declare that PBL is over. Meanwhile, it’s PBL, essay, Math quiz….. Oh well, I’ll make my long break tomorrow a productive one. PBL, followed by studying with cool people! :D

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think it's more than you can take

But you're stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard

Impossible is not a word

It's just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death

When they decide to take that step out on the water

It'll be alright

Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way

If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds

You do have a chance

(That's what faith can do)

When the world says you can't

It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise

It's time to concuss.

I can never afford to get complacent.

I just love it when it's raining at an unearthly hour. :)

I’m just so thankful for the week gone by, I can’t even begin to thank God for having seen me through. The past few days were essentially spent on PBL, PBL, and more PBL. I do have loads to say about that, but I’ll leave that till next week, when we’ll officially be done with the whole thing. PBL’s a chore, really. But thank God for blessing me with wonderful group mates. The time we spent together almost everyday for the past few days (for Sarah, everyday) was to me, really enjoyable. How we suffered sleepless nights together, went crazy together, said the most random and stupid things… Yeah, it was totally BOOMZ. (Sarah, I’m so not the prognosticator of BOOMZ. Who’s the one who randomly BOOMZs man. Still, your Facebook post was really sweet. Thank you too, and keep smiling! :D) And yes, the SSC has since become our favourite haunt.

Thank God for the message yesterday, guess it was a really relevant topic for most of us. I’m often so distracted by a hundred things, my focus won’t stop shifting, and then it’s down to the dumps for me. Focus, focus, focus! And thank God for the little sharings last night, including the reminder that we are very weak people and it’ll be exhausting, if not impossible, to do everything in our own strength. Thank God that we can always depend on Him.

Thank God once again for the week! For PBL, for my group mates (especially my fellow BOOMZ-ers), for sustaining me, for great friends, for my Language assignment, for my Calculus test (I failed), for Thursday, for Grammar lessons, for my dad, for every word of encouragement… Yes, thank God, THANK GOD for this week! :) :) :)

Just something lame that came up during a PBL presentation yesterday.

“We, as teachers, should always put ourselves in the shoes of our students. I know that our students’ shoes might be too small for us to go into them, but we should still try.”

Gosh, that was totally lame. Nevertheless, I was laughing throughout.

To my BOOMZ group, let’s PRESS ON for our presentation and BOOMZ it cos PBL is BOOMZ and we are BOOMZ!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention that PBL drives people crazy?

Part of me wanted the bus ride to go on forever, so that my troubles could be flung off the bus at each stop and somehow disappear. Of course, it didn’t happen. The accumulation of emotions over the week eventually condensed into a stream of tears and I broke down on the bus. I felt bad. Being tired wasn’t an excuse. Beyond which thoughts just kept flowing in and out, and I became all pensive again.

I dazed in bed when I got home, with the ceiling for company, until I finally got round to picking up the phone for help. (No, that’s an exaggeration.) But I can’t thank God enough, that I can talk about Monday to Sunday and Sunday back to Monday without being coherent, without having to link anything and without identifying what’s frustrating me so much, and I can still be understood. It’s kinda… Amazing. But hey, thank you so much, what you said was a timely reminder for me. And I’m truly encouraged by how God has been working in you. Let’s press on together, once again! :)

Well, the whirlpool of emotions has finally died down. I realise, I’ve got so much to thank God for and I haven’t bothered to do so. Even the simplest of acts can really cheer one up. Let’s focus on the good of this week now. Thank God for the study-attempt-that-failed and shopping with Yuqian, thank God for LAAAR (my AAE101 assignment group, it should be LAAA now haha) for being so responsible and accepting, thank God for my PBL groupmates for their understanding and entertainment, thank God for Jesslyn for being so nice and steady about my last-minute ways, thank God for every single one who helped out for Vibe yesterday, thank God for every single message, every single sharing today, and thank God for all of you!

The stuff that amused me.

"Hey, our safe assignment score is 9%."
"Okay, but I think "had been fooled" should be changed to "have been fooled".
"Ooh I've changed it, and our score is now 11%."

And what made me laugh until I cried during Ed Psych.
My SMS to Yasmin: Hello! How's your day!
Her reply: Very good. What about yours? So what are you doing now? Having lessons?

We were sitting beside each other at that point of time.

The outcome of having unlimited SMS-es, you know? But it wasn't me who started this whole thing. Hahahaha. And this just proves that PBL either causes people to fall ill, or it drives people into extreme lame-ness and madness. :D

Speaking of which, here's a shoutout to my fellow fighters to press on over the next 2 weeks! I'm not planning to eat PBL, drink PBL and breathe PBL, but I'll DO PBL!!!

Take control...

And I keep reminding myself, over and over again. But reminders don't work until they've really sunk in. Apparently it hasn't. Because I'm overwhelmed with my own questions, instead of taking time to pause and listen to the answer. Because I'm only looking at what I cannot do, instead of what He can do. The reminders go on, I'm ostensibly convinced, but I continue questioning. And questioning, and questioning...

So, I ran out of patience. I didn't do anything, didn't say anything, but I felt everything hitting the boiling point. I think, it was exasperation verging on desperation. Currently, I'm confused. And once again, the questions come in. This time, I'm looking back.

I don't even know what I'm talking about now. All I do know, is that I'm super tired! Well more of physically this time. I haven't been waking up before sunrise on Wednesdays for 2 months (yeah you may infer for yourself what that means) and it was no easy battle between school and sleep, with the former, very thankfully, reigning this time. (Who can I blame but myself for rushing all my stuff last night.) I was soooooo sleepy I thought it possible for me to have been sleep-walking for a moment until I nearly fell into the drain beside me. Hahaha but that's not the point. The point is... School is a stressed-up land right now! I was just looking at my groupmates, looking around me, looking and listening... I decided, that having had 4 hours of sleep last night was good. Oh, to have someone prod me with a sense of urgency will be great.

Now isn't the time to think. Now isn't the time to watch. Now isn't the time to fear. Now isn't the time to cry. Now is the time, to depend and to DO.

People are never meant to fill an empty heart. He is.

You've gotta watch this, it's HILARIOUS! Especially if you're a J2 Math student preparing for your A's. Hahaha.

Much as I'm always looking forward to the weekends, I kinda can't wait for this week to be over. There seems to be sooooo much to do by Sunday and I'm procrastinating as usual. Thank God for the week gone by though, especially the later part. Yesterday must have been the first time I actually felt thankful to be able to go to school, thank God for my dad giving me a lift all the way there! I must have had at least 3 people greeting me with, "Hi Ruth, haven't seen you in a long time!" I'm just thin and hidden. Thank God for Grammar mid-term results, but I'm already prepared to fail both Math papers. And thank God for funny people hahahaha.

THE TRAUMA OF AED105 IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!! Not that I was suffering for a long time since I only started last night (yes, enter the "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!") but I almost had a mental breakdown. Thank God for the strength and focus to complete it. I'd lasted 28 hours without sleep by the time I concussed! Haha. Moral of the story, never do a 2000-word essay one night before the deadline. Hunting for evasive information from websites, books and journals just so that the citations can be done up is more than enough to kill. But let's see if I end up doing the same thing again for Ed Psych. Now for the next big thing - PBL, amidst other "smaller" assignments. Go go go!

Hmm. I guess we're getting affected one way or the other, and we're tired. At least, I'm quite tired, but I know that I shouldn't be. I should be on fire, but once again, it's a touch-and-go thing. How...?

The world is smaaaaaaaall. :)

"I started studying at 10pm."
"Wow, that's an improvement!"

That made me laugh.

Beyond my exasperation at some other stuff.

I'm gonna hit my limits.

Literally, and maybe not so literally.

Once again, I come to You, asking for Your love in and through me.

Thank God for the first boat-fishing experience, fine weather, food, fun, fellowship, fish, and false alarms. Lol.

A little schedule of the week to shock me into motivation.

Tues: Calculus Mid-term paper
Tues: PBL e-portfolio
Thurs: Algebra Mid-term paper
Fri: AED105 essay due
Fri: Ed Psych e-learning tasks due
Sun: Math online quiz due
Progress: ...

Woohoo! It's gonna be an exciting week ahead. I guess it has successfully overwhelmed me, but I'm... None the more motivated. I'M GOING TO SLEEP.

I've gotta magnify God.

Stop staring at the wall. There's nothing on it.

It feels as though I'm having another week of holiday. I decided to visit the doctor this afternoon. After the routine check-up, he said, "I'm going to cover you with lots of rest, I'll give you 2 days' MC for today and tomorrow." Oh, wow. This is really boomz. I wasn't feeling half as bad as yesterday but since he said to rest, I'll (very) gladly do so. And in doing so, the amount of hours I'll spend in school this week will probably total up to 5.

I can't believe that Farhan's out of Sg Idol. We all know how "awesome" he sounds, but we know also how Singapore usually votes. This is the 1 percent of the time Singapore votes right. It's totally boomz.

I apologise for the sudden Ris-like-ness in this post but thanks to the medication (which is making me feel more brain-dead than without), I'm... Yeah, brain-dead. And there're truckloads of studying and assignments parked outside my gates, which I still refuse to open...

Casting Crowns – Until The Whole World Hears

Lord, I want to feel your heart

And see the world through Your eyes

I want to be Your hands and feet

I want to live a life that leads

Ready yourselves, ready yourselves

Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night

Ready yourselves, ready yourselves

May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise

Until the whole world hears, Lord, we are calling out

Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound

Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out

As the day draws near

We'll sing until the whole world hears

Lord, let your sleeping giant arise

Catch the demons by surprise

Holy nation sanctified

Let this be our battle cry

Ready yourselves, ready yourselves

Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night

Ready yourselves, ready yourselves

May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise

Until the whole world hears, Lord, we are calling out

Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound

Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out

As the day draws near

We'll sing until the whole world hears

Want to be Your hands and feet

Want to live a life that leads

To see You set the captive free

Until the whole world hears

And I pray that they will see more of You and less of me

Lord, I want my life to be the song You sing

Until the whole world hears, Lord, we are calling out

Lifting your name up for all to hear the sound

Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out

As the day draws near

We'll sing until the whole world hears

Not bright enough, the intensity of the lamp isn't at its greatest.
Not loud enough, the volume of the speaker isn't at its highest.

Focus. Focus.

Not on the wall.

The recess week came and went. I enjoyed my night life for a bit once again, caught up on my sleep, completed the Lexical Relations assignment, didn't bother starting on the Critical Perspectives essay (DEADLINE HAS BEEN EXTENDED!!!!), left Math as it is, did some PBL, loved the short rest, wished and still wish it were longer... And had a fuse shorter than usual.

That last point sunk in last night. I spent some time in bed digesting moments of the week that had gone by, musing over the fact that I actually have friends. I'm not starting a documental critique on myself, but honestly. Judging my impatience towards the people around me and how irritable I can be, the fact that they remain so tolerant and concerned, it just overwhelms me sometimes. At least, it did last night. Thank God for having spoken to me about something, a little matter, but I guess the message got through.

We often hear, that there's nothing we can do to make God love us more, nothing we can do to make God love us less. God doesn't love us because we first loved Him, because we please Him, because we excel in life, becase we are good-looking. He just loves us, the way we are, each and every one of us. It amazes me. God's love is far greater than any of us can ever comprehend and I know I can never ever say that I'm deserving of this love. I really have to depend on Him, to be made an empty vessel for His love to flow.

Ha. I was at Eunos station just now and while I was walking past two girls, I noticed one of them looking at me. She didn't look too familiar, I thought that she was staring at me cos she's never seen such a skinny person in her life and was about to walk past until she stopped me and said, "Hi! Do you want a ride home?" I looked at both of them and found the other girl vaguely familiar. Oh, they're my cousins who live two or three houses away from me! HAHA. Alright, I'll admit, I don't know my relatives all that well even though we live so close to one another. At least they recognise me. :D Yep I hitched a ride from them, it was an enjoyable and amusing chat back. :) It's good to have so many relatives living nearby, haha.

I'm drowning in an invisible pile of work (cos I've yet to lift a finger to attempt completing it)... And I can't stop sneezing. Heeee.

Here I am, just like any other normal day, seated in my swivel chair, comfortably. Way too comfortably. I move over to the window, take a glance outside, sneak a peer at the few people walking by occasionally. I take a longer look. Still a longer look. Eventually, I find my gaze trailing after their footsteps. Where are these people headed? Surely, they have in mind a destination for the day. What about the next day? And the next?

The mind drifts further, the heart draws closer. The conflict begins.

Let's go. It's a golden opportunity. Perhaps not now, later. Come on... It's been given to you on a platter! No, it's not clear-cut enough, I've got to delve into things, I'm not sure how to do it, it's too out of the way for me, I'm afraid. I'm not ready...

The conflict continues. One by one, unassumingly, the people pass...

I clear my thoughts, move away from the window, back to the same, comfortable place.

At the end of it all, I'm still seated on my swivel chair.

-

Met up with Janice for lunch this afternoon. Thank God for the time spent, for the little sharing on some thoughts. :) Headed down to NLB after that to borrow some books for the Critical Pespectives essay, thanks to Mavis' bombardment of questions last night, which made me realise how much I don't know, and how much there is to do! The trip made me recall the insane mugging for A's, and I can only say, I'm so glad it's a thing of the past. Press on, juniors! :D

Anyway, I conducted an Operation Find-the-Missing-Passport Part One, and... Failed. Anyone who wants to join in the second part of my treasure hunt, do let me know. The rewards are really attractive. Hahaha.

Help me to keep praying, to keep trusting. I need Your guidance, one step at a time. I have to trust that You are able in ways I'm unable, that You will catch me if I fall.

God works in remarkable ways, even in the most unexpected conversation with the most unexpected person. I was amazed for much of last night. Well, God will definitely open the doors if it's His will.

Haven't been getting much sleep the entire week. But I thank God that I wasn't asleep when I had lessons to learn. He's been showing me the importance of being patient, loving and humble, to depend on Him and not on myself. So many times, I'd been on the verge of shoving a whole cabbage down someone's throat (not in the literal aspect of course) but that was definitely not the way to do it, as I'd been reminded over and over again. (Come on, people need a little tenderness to digest the big thing.) It's also made me realise, how I'm constantly allowing my thoughts and feelings to hinder His greater plans. It's always about how I feel, how people think about me, how convenient it is for me. Me, me, me.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55: 9

Indeed, I've got to stop searching for my reflection in the mirror, and be willing to let His strength be manifested in my weakness. I've got to let go of my emotions and hold on to His promises.

-

A meet-up to celebrate Lam Lee's nineteenth! I've realised, we don't meet up as often now, we've each got our own commitments and to a greater extent, we've changed individually. But one thing remains the same. We still say and do the darndest things. *Insert the Pokemon theme song*

-

School can be fun, non-mathematically. Laughing at interesting lecturers, amusing tutors, hilarious stories of NS, little spastic moments at the Engineering Block food court and classrooms, MSN-ing during talks when we're two seats apart, intensive correction of grammar and pronunciation... Hahaha.

I was 35 minutes late for my first lesson today. To top that, my GC died on me during my Math quiz and I didn't even know beforehand. So I had to resort to the better alternative to plot my graphs - my imagination. And I fell while running up my staircase just now, so my toe hurts now. Yeah, retarded.

We really ought to treasure all that we have now.

What are we doing about this?

What am I doing about this...

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17: 5 - 8

I'm a person who resists changes. Given a choice, I would want things to remain the same, I would want to stay in the same environment, I would want to remain in the same social circle. Forever. But it's a fact, the word "forever" may exist, but nothing is forever. Nothing in this world is forever. Good health can fail, stable jobs can be lost, excellent results will be forgotten, greatest friends may no longer talk to one another.

I know that I cannot depend on the world. In reality though, it isn't as easy to live it as to say it. I still find myself unwilling to let go of the past, unwilling to step out of my comfort zone, unwilling to accept change. We can talk about what things were like months back, we can reminisce all we want, but truth is, situations have way deviated from what they were like. As much as I want this to be like it was before, I know that it will never be the same again. As much as I wish people wouldn't change so much, they will change. And so will I.

When people are the basis of our confidence, we will be disappointed, time and time again. It is only when God is the ultimate source of our confidence will our lives be deeply rooted in well-watered soil; we will never be let down.

That's why I'm placed here. The need to focus and depend on God is intensified. I'm still learning.

I need Your guidance.

Wasn't a coincidence that I came across it I guess. It's a reminder, an extremely pressing reminder, to get off the couch and DO something. Yes...

It's been an interesting week. Couple of things here and there. It wasn't too pleasant but at the end of it, I'm very thankful for these friends. There is indeed a reason, I'm still learning, still trying to change.

Brief update on my week in school. I actually passed both my Math quizzes. What on earth? It's a relatively small weightage of our final grade, but thank God! On a different note, I'm probably about to make it to my Calculus tutor's "black" list.

Amazing. Was telling Val that I had stuff to tell her, and she actually figured out the essence of what I was gonna tell her, though I didn't even mention what kinda stuff. Uh, you could call it telepathy. Lol.

May each day, thought, action, word be purpose-driven, for You.

Few nights back, after having done my quiet time, I lay in bed and the tears started flowing. Here is God's love so amazing, and there I was being distracted by one million other things during the week. My focus was way off, I was drifting further and further. Thank God for speaking to me through that verse, and thank God for the people He has placed in my life.

Thank God for the Critical Perspectives tutorial on wednesday. Our group didn't even get to rehearse once, and just went in to conduct the tutorial after allocating the parts on that day itself. It was a little scary, we totally didn't know how long each part should be, how long the whole presentation would be. Really thank God that it went rather smoothly, minus the facilitating part, and for Dr Choy interjecting lots of comments and questions in between, otherwise we'd have finished way before time. We used up the full 2 hours. So that's it, my 40% is sealed. Haha.

Yesterday's Math lessons weren't as draggy I guess. I finally understood something! Matrices, haha. And our Algebra tutor's just so amusing. He's so old, so cute, takes a whole hour to go through 2 parts of the tutorial (a typical tutorial has 6 to 8 questions and we're supposed to finish one tutorial a week), but even then, no one really understands what he's teaching. So we decided not to listen and have our private conversations. Ha. And I learnt something from English tutorial yesterday! Yay, how could you not love Phonetics. :D

Genius flew off about an hour ago. It's too bad we didn't get to meet up but it's okay, I'm so going to London one day! :D Anyway, called her up just now and she was so... Anti-climatic HAHA.

Me: Hey, bon voyage!
Genius: You should go for your lectures.

Lol. And... I'm gonna get into serious trouble soon. :/

The past few days have been pretty good I would say. Although I still feel detached for a bit, well, in His time...

It's interesting, after working on our AED105 presentation and after today's consultation, to realise how much modern-day education has deviated from the time of Socrates and Confucius (ancient, yes). Taking a broad perspective, your character probably isn't as important as getting good grades. To quote an example, a child approached a teacher as she had been given extra marks for a test, and her dad reprimanded her for being foolish. Yeah, not everyone's like that, but the reality is that society measures people by grades, parents never stop pushing their children to excel academically, results always come first. Even if you don't agree with it, you'll somehow be brainwashed into striving so hard for I don't know what. It was an interesting consultation I guess. And through talking about personal emancipation, I got to know that Dr Choy's a Christian, haha.

I'm so dreading tomorrow. Long, long, long day with all 4 of my main tutorials placed on the same day, and my tutorials are undone. Rarhhhh.

I've been feeling a little claustrophobic lately. Not in the literal sense of course, just couldn't think of a better word to describe how I feel. Let's just say, there're loads I need to learn. Sometimes, people talk all the time and barely have 5 minutes to listen to what you want to say. But other times, you're the one talking all the time to other people, barely listening to what they have to say too. Hmmm. I think, maybe, I need a short break from people.

Anyway, we did some sort of a personality test based on the bird-type version of DISC for GESL just now, and I'm a dove. The whole list of characteristics is largely true. And the adjectives are pretty much accurate as well. Sensitive, unassertive, warm (maybe not), reliable (not really), soft-hearted, avoids risks (depends), people-oriented, friendly (not so much now), patient, unassuming, loyal, cooperative (most of but not all the time), kind, caring, emotional.

This part is cool. When communicating with a dove,
- Be relaxed and agreeable
- Be prepared to answer WHY questions
- Be predictable
- Agree clearly and often
- Don't push
- Don't rush
- Compliment him or her as a team player
- Be a good listener (to a significant extent)

So now you'll know how to communicate with me! Hahaha well, people'll be fine as long as they abide by the don'ts. I guess that's why I often don't meet deadlines, and become extremely uncooperative if someone rushes me. Okay, I know, that must change. Heh.

I love fridays! Beginning to enjoy Education Psych, even though it's 2 and a half hours long. But the tutor's really funny. She'll talk about something, then go, "Oh, did I tell you about the diaper?" "Oh, did I tell you about my son?" and she'll start telling us stories, then stop and say, "What were we talking about before this? Oh, yes, yes." She has many, many stories indeed but they're really interesting, so it's okay even if she side-tracks, unlike some JC teacher, whom I shared to the class about just now wahaha.

Our tutorials have officially started, making thursday my longest and most dreaded day. Last week was still a honeymoon period, but this week, we already have a project! And our group couldn't have been more fortunate to get "Group No. 1". So we're supposed to conduct a 2-hour tutorial without getting any insights since we're the first group...... Hopefully, we can find a 1 and a half hour video clip, and talk for the remaining time. Hahaha. And the professor will just fail us.

As I've realised, I've got 7 tutorial classes, probably slightly over a hundred classmates since there're several overlaps, so... No one really knows anyone but everyone just looks vaguely familiar. But I'm proud to say that I know everyone's names in my GESL class, although it's just for that class, it's still an achievement! And the games just now were hilarious.

Thank God for the week, especially for today. Thank God for the impromptu dinner with Jesslyn (we were each headed home but all of a sudden decided to go for dinner at Subway when the train stopped at Paya Lebar), who attends True Jesus Church, which is like a 10-second walk from my house, haha. Coincidental. Thank God for the stuff that's been happening over the week. Well nothing really happened, but yeah, things have definitely changed and I can only keep praying, keep trusting, keep depending.

Needa stop ponning lectures and start doing my tutorials. Mission Impossible.

The first week of school's over! Didn't start off very well, I was already feeling rather down the day before school started and I felt worse when school started on the first day. It was better the next two days, probably due to the short time spent in school due to tutorials being cancelled for the first week. Wasn't looking forward to today at all, have been really sore about not being able to make it to church. But really thank God for today, it was actually... Pretty fun!

I've been going on and on about friends from other schools having timetables that are more slack than mine, having at least someone they already know beforehand whereas I don't... But everything really happens for a reason I guess. I'm not someone who'll move out of my comfort zone, I don't ever take the initiative to talk to someone, if given a choice, I'd stay in my own world. But under circumstances like these, I no longer have a choice. Thank God for the talk with a sister couple days back. School will indeed take up a lot of time such that we'll spend less time with our friends, be it in church or outside. We have to really learn to depend on God. Which is so true, as I've realised, I tend to depend a lot on my friends. High time for me to learn!

I'm still praying that our GESL slot can be changed, since all of us want it to. But finding a common two-period slot when the timetables of 22 people are so different... That's tremendous difficulty. Still........ :)

Speaking of GESL, there're people in my class who live in Pasir Ris, Tampines, Simei, who're not staying in the halls! Cool!

And it's really quick, but I've got my first month's pay! Was pretty surprised when I saw such a huge increase in my balance. Yay I'm rich!!!!!! Not. According to my dad, I've got to save up so that I'll at least have some money to pay back in case I break the bond. Hur.

I'm still uncertain about what the 8 years will bring, or how long will I take to fully adapt to schooling once again. But thank God, for He is in control. I just wish people around me wouldn't be taking notes furiously cos I don't. :(

It's my last day of freedom!

And it seems like the feeling I had a couple months back is coming back again. Perhaps it's predominantly the idea of starting school again, the realisation that EIGHT MONTHS HAVE FLOWN BY and it's back to reality. But primarily, I know it's because I've lost my focus.

The St. John's Island trip was alright, went with the intention of fulfiling a purpose over the other. But there were probably too many thoughts running in my head that I ended up feeling rather distracted lol. Still, thank God for the peace and serenity there where I could just retreat to think and pray, for the talks with several people, for the candle fight, for the interesting shower, for the exciting storm, and for all the bread. Haha. And it was cool to see Vanessa there.

I did have a tinge of excitement about starting school some time back but to be honest, it's gone and I'm actually pretty scared. I've never felt worse starting school in a new environment before this. I guess it's due to the clear goals I had in primary and secondary school, not to mention that lots of my primary school mates and a third of my secondary school mates would end up in the same secondary school and JC. It's different now, I never saw myself here, people can't imagine me being a teacher, I myself can't imagine me being a teacher. And I don't know anyone from my course. With my character, it'll be pretty difficult. What's more, I'm soooooo unprepared, the only thing I'm prepared for is to pon lessons. :X I'll really, really have to depend on God, I don't know if I'm gonna survive the course, or even simply the timetable and travelling. I really wanna go for Uth on fridays but well........ Ahhhhhhh!!!

It's a struggle all over again. I know I have to do something, but I'm unwilling to face up to it and would rather run away. Then, it all goes down...

I need to focus on You alone.
I need to depend on You alone.
Help me.

:D

I shall attempt to blog more frequently in my last remaining days of freedom before I get too exhausted by the travelling and have no more energy to do so. I don't know if I should regret not staying in the hall but well, I've made the decision to travel east to west and west to east, so I'll live with it. What's more important is my timetable. If I'm not allowed to skip lectures as and when I feel like, I'm gonna be extremely miserable. And I just have a dreadful feeling that they're gonna be really strict. Nooooooo.

Amazing quote of the day. "Eh, Ruth, I wanna get married!"

Someone asked me to blog about her but she's afraid I'll shoot her girls. HAHA.

Wanted to blog about some stuff but I'm not in a very good mood now (it's no wonder two future doctors have decided to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder) so, next time.

Patience, humility.

Lord,

Felt a little pensive as a couple of thoughts ran through my mind in the wee hours this morning. In just an eight-month holiday, things have changed. I can only pray. Pray that God will teach me what to do, that He'll give me the wisdom to help this person. Cos I don't know how to. Perhaps it will never go back to what it was like before, but I pray that this, will take it to a whole new level. So thankful that everything may just change in the blink of an eye, but God never blinks.

I Would Die For You - MercyMe

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near

And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

And I know I don't have much to give
But I promise You I'll give You all there is
Can I possibly do less
When through Your own death I live?

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

No greater love is found
Than of those who lay their own lives down
As sure as I live and breathe
Now I know what it means to be free

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

Great song with really meaningful lyrics. Keeps reminding me...........

Time to reflect. Help me, Lord.

Thank God for the past couple of days. My for-once-fully-packed Friday, Vibe, and yesterday. I realise, it's extremely energy-consuming to be eating and laughing so hard at the same time, as what Catherine and I did throughout the steamboat dinner yesterday. And I shan't embarrass this dear sister of mine, so I shan't say that her rice flew out of her mouth due to excessive laughter HAHAHA! :D


The wake last evening was a really heartwarming one. Very much different from those that I usually attend, I must say. Sure there were tears, but beyond that, it's evident, the inner peace. The family's indeed a great testimony and it's so amazing how God has worked in their lives. Was really moved and encouraged by one of the songs, didn't understand it but managed to catch the line, when we're weak, His grace will give us the strength that we need. Well, a rough translation.


Three cheers, I'm not school doesn't start tomorrow for me! Due to the H1N1, it has become e-orientation. >.< Slightly over a week left if there's a camp next week, otherwise I'll officially start lessons on the 11th August. Hoho.


Hmm, perhaps it's better not to be too perceptives sometimes. I've always considered my suspicions rather accurate and I guess the more I observe, the more I realise how sketchy people can be. And I'm learning to control my urge to pass snide remarks.


Dear friend, just wanna let you know, that I'm really thankful for you. :)

This is it.
This is it.
This is it.


I've officially signed 8 years of my life away! Imagine not being able to even survive the course, breaking the bond, not performing to standards, facing difficult situations and people. And to be honest, I'm secretly afraid of "payback", if you get what I mean. Haha. Those were the many thoughts swimming in my head the night before the signing. But indeed, it has been pretty amazing. Whatever happens, wherever I'll end up, I don't know, but thank God, He is in absolute control.


Val mentioned something just now which struck me. When we know God better, we know ourselves better. I thought about that and started listing out my new discoveries. "Eh, wait, they're supposed to be good points!" But I guess it's only by realising our weaknesses that we can truly see how God is working in our lives. I feel like a hamburger. I'm like this on the surface, like that when I'm closer to someone, but deep down, I'm really like this. I'm still struggling with what people have struggled with in the past. It gets better, then it's not so good again. It's emotionally draining sometimes, but I will trust that God will work in His perfect timing.


Just wanna say that I'm sorry. I actually really miss some people.


Not to mention that I feel zonked.

I'm back, I'm back!


Alright, I didn't really go anywhere, other than a coupla days' trip to St. John's Island. The past week's been pretty slack, having a crazy girl stay over at my place for some days LOL. Had a great time when Iris and Cat joined us last week, although Cat is still deluded about us enjoying her presence. Hahaha. More sleepovers next time! :D


Thank God for the trip to St. John's Island! It was really awesome. Wasn't that into the fishing, I'd just fiddle with the rod for a little while not intending to catch anything, then feel bored and return it. I really enjoyed the nights sitting around at the jetty staring at the vast sea, soaking in the peace and serenity, relaxing, talking, getting to know someone better. It's really peaceful there, a feeling you can't get back on shore. I could sit there all day just dazing at the sea. And not to mention we saw a rainbow on the first evening! It was soooo beautiful. Even though I didn't leave the island too glamorously, it was still a great trip, and it's alright, I've learnt my lesson and I'll have my revenge. Wahahaha.


For now, amidst the rocking I still feel even after having left the island for more than a day, a reality check - I'm starting school soon. Wow, I can't believe it and I don't want to believe it. After so many closed doors and all that uncertainty... It's just pretty unbelievable. But after the briefing today, it's really about time to leave my dreamland!


"I can't believe you're gonna become a teacher. You becoming a teacher is like me becoming a drug addict!"


Wahhhhhh! Lol.


Short, sharp, sweet. Thank God for the past two weeks! :)

Have been thinking of soooooo many things the past week. Times I'd just lie in bed thinking of most random of things, thoughts from the east to the west. Thank God, really, for the sermon on sunday. It was a timely reminder that there is only one place we can find happiness, in God alone, not in a million other places which seems like what I've been doing. To be single-minded, not to have our focus all over the place. Cos there is only one purpose.


Jesus Calling - 33Miles


What do you see when you look at your world today
Is it so full of clutter that you feel like you’re going insane
You can’t fight back cause you’re just too afraid
And it seems like the clouds in your sky don’t wanna change


You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


What do you see when you look at your world today
Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray
Well start by counting your blessings one by one
Oh and I’m sure right there, you’ll start to see the sun


You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


Most amusing description of university applications, "I feel like I'm having a rapture."
Most amusing question from Cat, "Is your house open everyday?"


I've learnt, that God will open a door when all doors seem closed. Thank God. It's pretty amazing. I did feel an inexplicable sense of assurance before that. God is working? I'll still be praying. Your will be done.


Lam Lee's coming back later! But if she has to be quarantined, I'm so gonna laugh! :D


Welcome back Diane, can't wait to meet up! :)


And I saw Dr. Audrey Han today! Was walking along an underpass at Orchard trying to figure out how to get to Far East Plaza when someone grabbed me and went, "HEY RUTH!!!!!!" Great to see her again, for a few seconds. Haha.

Feeling really stressed all of a sudden.


Lord, You're in control. Help me not to worry about what tomorrow will bring, to not question where I'll end up, but to seek first Your kingdom, to trust that You will provide.


To surrender every care...

I'm... THIS close to going crazy.


Right, I shouldn't have blown my top that day. Just one "no" and I'm getting pressed about a million other things. I thought all was fine and I could have peace but NO, it's far from peaceful now.


So, my phone's gone, one page in my bible's torn, no one's online (that I can talk to), and I'm all going mad. Honestly, you didn't have to throw my bible. That's ALL you know how to do don't you. You promised to make my life hell but for now, it already is.


I guess, my parents have never ever let me off regarding the A level results, not even after 3 freaking months. And by the look of it, they will never ever let me off. Just step on their toes for one minor, unrelated matter, rest assured, they WILL start their never-ending insults, never-ending forcing, never-ending... Hell. And then you go on and on, you can serve God if you're a doctor or a lawyer. The more you know, the more you're able to serve God. It's pointless for you to read the bible. You have accomplished nothing in life.


I probably already seem mentally unsound. I just don't know what to do. Yeah, I think I'm losing it.


Quit forcing me, quit your endless threats.


Lord, tell me what to do.

Whoa. I totally BLEW just now. Don't recall having flown into such a rage for a very long time. Regretfully, it's due to one very small thing. Decided to get out of my house (I wasn't leaving home, neither did I storm out slamming the door like what they do on TV, I walked out with... Poise). Walked all the way down Telok Kurau, headed to Parkway, went round East Coast Rd, and back home. Seemed like a depressed soul wandering around aimlessly but nah, I just needed some peace. Not that there was much, with those cars zooming around, but it was the inner peace after all that thinking. Just made me really thankful for the one thing I have.


Lord, thank You for being the only constant. I can't expect my parents to care about how I feel, I can't expect my friends to be there. But thank You Lord, for You are the only one who will never fail me, You are the only one who truly understands, You are the only one who's always going to be there for me.


My relatives are unbelievably...........


Moving on.


Joanne's back! We were at the airport to welcome her back yesterday, after which it was chicken rice at Bedok. Loads to catch up on and as usual, our conversation steered to our Sec 4 days. Honestly, the things we did, I could never imagine doing such stuff with anyone else. Extremely retarded, yet we never can stop having a good laugh each time we talk about it. I miss those days!


Today's sermon really spoke to me. The P word, and the... Other P word. Haha.


Was expressing my worries about dying in Cambodia. The response, "No, no, we're going there for our camp, not to fight a war." Lol.


Thank God, I can now swallow my food properly! It was a tiny scare, but it's alright now. At least, I think so.


I'm so dreading Wednesday. Heeeeelp. :(

Was talking to Val at 3am yesterday cos she couldn't sleep. She asked me, "Don't you ever get insomnia?" To which I smugly replied, "No, HAHAHA!" Next thing I know, I'm the one having insomnia today. Couldn't sleep a wink! Killer, it's all your fault hmph!


So here I am having breakfast, drinking diluted milo and watching the sun (what little I can see) rise. Been long since I'm up at this time, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of the dawn breaking, but I'm probably gonna get cranky later on. Shall leave for church in over an hour, pray that I don't die halfway.


IT'S DAYLIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

Today was a blast!


Started off with my usual fashion crisis, couldn't figure out how to wear the skirt without looking like a martian, so I just brought it along to change into after service. That was when I realised the skirt could fit two of me. So we were in the toilet pulling, pulling, pulling, in an attempt to tighten it without having it look extremely weird, but... Failed. Then along came Dawn and within seconds, she saved the day! Well I just had to wear it differently from the rest. Unique, alright. :D


The wedding was really cool. Of course, since it's a beach wedding! And it's so exciting being there when your friends tie the knot. Thank God for Malcolm and Jessie and for everything running so smoothly.


Was talking to Eleanor, yeah, perhaps it's really God's will. As much as I've accepted it, I do question why. As much as I've gotten over it, I sometimes feel a tinge of hurt. Oh well, can't describe it. Cos it feels like I don't care. Actually I do, perhaps I'm simply running away for the time being. Like what I always do. But anyhow, that aside, thanks sis. :)


I've got loads of retarded stuff to talk about accumulated over the week but I shall spare the corny details.


Welcome back GENIUS! Even though you're flying off for a while again. Joanne comes back this Sat, and Diane the next. Awesome!


I need to give my time.

No Greater Love

Before I knew Your Name
You knew my every breath
Before I found my way
You knew my every step
Before I knew everything that I need
You gave it all to me


No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering why
The beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love than this


I never understood
How merciful love could be
Until I felt His flame
Light every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
Cause I have been saved
Yes, I have been saved


No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering why
The beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love


The Beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be no greater love
For someone such as me
No greater love than this

It's been 4 years since I've changed my template. After having spent more than 4 hours re-creating one, it now looks like ten thousand other blogs and I think my previous template's cuter! Oh well, this is still original in its own sense. Even though I'm a big cheater when it comes to "creating" skins. Wahaha.


Had an extremely slack week at work. Technically, I'd only worked for two and one-third days. In addition, I spent so many hours Facebook-ing I did wonder if I was at the correct place. But the passing of messages to the workers made up for that I guess. Getting calls at 5am, 7am (made me realise how peaceful it was with my phone switched off), msgs that are weird, sick and plain nasty and all that nonsense. Thank God I didn't send any nasty replies, I'd do that in a second last time. Hmm, I could be really mean then.


I really can't complain about work. It's reasonable, minus the environment (which I've only got two words for), minus the calling, which did bring loads of harassment. But like what some helpful person said (lol), it's better they vent their frustrations on me by insulting me, than to kill someone on the streets. Ha, I've always found myself to be soooooooooo noble, you can't deny that now. =.= Thank God for the whole experience. Ain't much, but I do know my limits.


Thank God for seeing me through the week, it's been mentally exhausting. Thank God for the words of encouragement, thank God for the weekend. :) Really tired of thinking of all that so for now, I'm taking a break. The picture says it all.


Now there's no one to talk to me in the wee hours cos they'll all be in Malaysia boohoo. Lol. Have a great time, everyone! :D


Take this sinking boat
And point it home

I've taken 2 days off from work as had I gone in this state, I'd have wrecked something in the office or flared up at someone, I'm a tad emotionally unstable these few days. No beyond that, I've got pressing matters to settle. Last night was horrible, was really stressed up and about to completely lose it. But thank you for talking to me until 2 a.m. even when you had to get up at 6 plus. I felt so much more at peace after that. :)


"God is more concerned about your character than your comfort. His goal is to conform you into the likeness of His Son. Yes, He loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way. You have too many people to impact for His Kingdom that you can’t influence until more of Christ is seen in you."


Lord,
Help me to put my trust in You, and You alone
Help me to not be affected by the world, to not see things the way the world does but the way You do and the way You want me to
Help me to take a step of faith, that I'll eventually end up where You will me to
Help me to be still and know that You are God, to take heart that You are in control
Help me to seek first Your kingdom
Help me, through this, to fulfil Your ultimate purpose.


Dear Child,
God does not say to you today, be strong
He knows how long the road has been
How weary you've become
For He who walked this earthly land alone
Each boggy lowland and each rugged hill, understands
And so He simply says, be still
Be still and know that I am God
The hour is late and you must rest a while
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill
As slow rain fills an empty cup
All He says of us is
"Be still and know that I am God"


Thanks. I'll keep praying, I'll keep trusting.


In dark times, the difference for Christians is not the absence of the shadow, but the presence of the light.


Thank You, Lord.

After having hung out with normal people for a couple of hours which allowed me to have my emotions stabilised and mind composed to think more sensibly and rationally, I've come to a conclusion. Not taking into account any external factor... How can I complain? How can I blame anyone? How can I? Press on. I've got to. His grace is sufficient, always is.


Val came over to my place this evening. And this is one mean friend I've got. My mum asked her, "Valerie, you came to stay over tonight?" And she replied, "No, I just came to scold Ruth." WHAT KIND OF A FRIEND IS THIS! Hahahahaha. Nahh, thank God for you killer. Really thank God that you came today, it was so timely. Thank you for caring so much, I truly appreciate it. :)


All this while I haven't had much time to think about it nor been in the mood to bother. But now that "no news is good news" no longer holds with the bad news that came, I'd be lying if I said I don't care. In fact, I'm starting to worry. But as so rightly said, why should we only give thanks when He showers us with blessings but not when He gives us trials and uncertainties? What's more, mine isn't even a life-and-death matter. Proverbs 3: 5, 6!


"Cos you need to have my intelligence", was my reply about a donkey's-years-ago matter we talked about. And guess what, I said that to one of VJ's top students! LOL!


I've decided not to pick up any nameless calls for the next few weeks. So if you've changed your number or are using your 5th phone line, toooooo baaaaaaad.


Should I perform with CCO this time? The idea of an Esplanade performance thrills me, but not that of spending National Day in Malaysia. And I have to give a reply really soon. How how how? :/

Felt like crap yesterday but I'm feeling better now after getting it off my chest. It's great telling someone, cos I obviously can't blog about it. Was rather tired, then came a prig, got me pretty pissed and it actually stuck till and through Vibe, even the most insignificant stuff annoyed me. My moods do get the better of me, I wasn't very nice to the people around, wasn't gonna volunteer to help, wasn't about to listen to anyone if I didn't feel like it. Yeah, felt really bad about it. I'm sorry.


"Humility is estimating your worth under the might of God, being aware of your weaknesses, not being conscious of others' strengths in comparison to yours."


Lord, teach me to be humble, not to feel that I'm better than anyone else, not to think that I'm doing such a huge favour to others. As this says it all, "For who am I to serve You, I know I don't deserve You". So many things and opportunities You've given me that I don't deserve. I shouldn't be thinking of proving anything to anyone, of anything else but glorifying You.


Alright. Happier stuff. I promised to blog about this, so I will. Someone went mountain-climbing in Kota Kinabalu in office wear and destroyed her shoes as a result. Guess who. Lol! :D


Other amusing stuff, and an extremely lame "joke" of the week.


My mum: Don't you ever go up the Singapore Flyer, you understand?
Me: I just did.


"I'm rooting for Adam to win American Idol."
"Well, you'll see him tomorrow anyway."
"Please explain?"
"Adam Rd."


Thinking of tomorrow makes me wanna cry but by His grace, I'll survive another week.

Thank God for sustaining me this week. Wasn't that bad really, other than several occassions I was really tired of all that sai kang, getting yelled at and having the phone hung up on me cos I couldn't understand them and vice versa, and... People. The reason I really appreciate being alone nowadays. Well I thought I was done with the calling but I had to call the list of 200 odd again. On top of hating Chinese, I'm now hating the telephone.


Was rather freaked out on thursday, prayed so hard and thank God I was just scaring myself. Decided not to tell my parents, they'd probably get me to quit lol. It was paranoia I guess, but at that time I was really scared and I was like, THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD at the end of it. Must have been the first time I was so happy to see a packed train lol. You could ask me if you wanna know what happened, there's stuff I don't wish to say here cos it's so scarily public. And yeah, lesson learnt, haha.


Thank God that I could go for Uth yesterday! And thank God for the message. Reminded me of this video, felt really blessed after watching it. Thanks Diane! :)


And because my comp has decided to be extremely annoying, I'm unable to post the video up, so here's the link if you wish to watch it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DCDApaqRhA


Love FM Static's latest album! Green Day's is not bad too. :D


What's this little uncertainty, this little exhaustion, compared to what others have experienced? Are we singing?

Rare to be home on a sunday afternoon. Back from Campus Retreat and suffering from after-camp withdrawals. Well it's the usual feeling I get after camps. After a coupla days of whackiness and having people around you, it feels empty coming back to a silent house. Maybe it's just me and this time, it's only for one night.


The camp was fantastic, activities and all. The workshop was just so, wow. We were taught how to study the bible, was really detailed, to the point that it got too deep, for me that is. Been wondering how to study the bible and I was pretty blown away by all that dissecting. Which also made me realise how little I know, how much time and effort I have to put in. Thank God for the workshop and Brother Peter, I really learnt loads. The discussions, lessons, reminders, not to mention corrections. And thank God for the camp, for the labourers, the messages, the food, the games, the weather, every single activity, every single person and every single moment. Really love such camps, it's so... Warm. Haha. And someone needs to be nicer to her leg(s). :D


So after the retreat at Sembawang, it'll be a week's retreat at, uh, Lakeside Island. Z.z.z.


"A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, 'I can't take any more.' Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God's hands."


Press on, press on.


Thankful for the friends around, who never fail to listen and encourage. Thank God for you all, who have been tremendous blessings. :)

That was one BLAZING HOT performance on American Idol! But of course, I'm not here to comment on that.


DHSCO was awesome today with the choice piece. Right from the first shout, to the reverberation following the drum beats, to Daniel's solo, to the very last note, the entire performance just made my hair stand on end. Yup, Gold with Honours, cheered like anything when they announced cos after all, it's a very special debut. With that, DHSCO has made a clean sweep with 3 GWH awards - Senior High, Junior High, Guzheng!


I thought I wouldn't care. But I did. Seeing many of them in tears just reminded me of the same occassion two years back when we had the same feeling, when we were the ones in tears. It sure hurts and all that "you gave your best" talk doesn't work as good as it sounds. Cos the fact remains. And I guess the worst part is having to go to school the next day, indignance and all. But at least they have a concert, so the end isn't as abrupt. Take this as a platform to achieve much more during the concert. And really, the bond forged can never be bought with an Honours, as I came to learn. The award doesn't define the orchestra; the Victorian spirit does. Now for the concert!


Now that I've landed myself in this, I'm thinking, maybe I don't really want it anymore. Or maybe I'm just scared. Yes, I'm pretty scared. Lord, help me, teach me, guide me.


Be proud, be very very proud.