I'm writing the past week's frustrations in the sand. May the winds soon blow them all away, never to be seen again...

I'm alarmed by my schedule for this week. It's supposedly my study break, but all 7 days have already been taken up. 3 days for the Literacy Camp, 5 days for the Christmas Musical, however many days for the Uth Camp preparations, the usual weekend stuff, and my mum's birthday that falls on this week. How now, brown cow?

I'm not complaining. I very gladly took on all that I did. And it's exciting. With this major clash of events and severe lack of time, I'll really have to depend on Him to manage my time properly and prioritise my activities. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive the next one month. But His grace is sufficient.

At the end of the day, may I be doing all this not just to serve, but because I love You.

So the number of Christmas Musical practices has suddenly increased fivefold. I'm definitely for it, I believe we need it. But there I was, looking at the schedule for our practices, with a separate to-do list running in my mind simultaneously. Well, it's just that time of the year when everything piles up.

Music recording, 2 assignment deadlines, 1 major test, practices

Study break, BASC Literacy Camp, practices

Exams, practices, probably the Uth camp preparations

Exams, Uth camp, practices

Rehearsals... And CHRISTMAS!!!!!

But I'm so thankful for the privilege to serve in the various areas. I'm excited at how the Literacy Camp will turn out under my leadership (you know how I'm no born leader, it just makes me depend on Him all the more to do this). I'm excited for the souls that are gonna come in during the Uth camp. I'm even more excited for the upcoming Christmas musical. Thank God for the opportunity to help a friend by doing the recording. I ain't complaining doing all this... But time is so tight, it scares me. I have yet to start on my slides, I know that they should be up soon, but I know that the next week is just impossible for me to do anything with them. Well, I guess I'll be burning some midnight oil real soon...

Oh, and I'm excited for the exams to start cos I can't wait for them to end.

Sometimes, certain doors don't open. Then you wonder if you should keep knocking. Is it worth standing out there, trying all day to get the owner to open the door?

Even if it isn't... We know that there'd be the One who'll never stop loving. And wants us to do the same.

So I was a grouchy "night owl" in the wee hours last night. After spending many frustrating hours on this.

Silly-looking program that made me waste so much time and brain juices just thinking of how to write and modify it. Not to mention, my brain was so full of MATLAB, I forgot for an instant how to count decimal places! Seriously...

All that trouble, just to get a simple-looking table like this. But that was just part of the working for something bigger...

Yes, I'm immensely proud of myself for getting the entire table done up. But all of that did not even constitute one question. There was much more to go. Well, thank God, after five hours, five pages, a thousand error messages (thanks to Daniel for spotting my errors cos I just couldn't figure out why my program couldn't run) and endless annoyance, I finally completed the dreadful assignment at some unearthly hour. Only to have the next assignment given out today.

I've been grumbling non-stop about MATLAB for the past few days. So I was hoping that some saint, who shared in my pain, could help me with it. Unfortunately... But don't you think that "scholar" and "fail" don't quite go together? It's either impossible, or plain demoralising.

I'm struggling, big time.

That aside, I've been wondering. I often have people saying, "You're a teacher, you're supposed to..." The fact that I'm going to be a teacher a few years down the road... Does that mean I have to miss out on the realness of student life even when I'm still in university? Do I not have the right to be a student while I am a student? Maybe, that's just the way it is...

But you know that I do my own thing. I will still do.

Well, I'm surprised that I'm saying this, but I am. I have my hands full now.

My blog title says it best.