The past few days have been pretty good I would say. Although I still feel detached for a bit, well, in His time...

It's interesting, after working on our AED105 presentation and after today's consultation, to realise how much modern-day education has deviated from the time of Socrates and Confucius (ancient, yes). Taking a broad perspective, your character probably isn't as important as getting good grades. To quote an example, a child approached a teacher as she had been given extra marks for a test, and her dad reprimanded her for being foolish. Yeah, not everyone's like that, but the reality is that society measures people by grades, parents never stop pushing their children to excel academically, results always come first. Even if you don't agree with it, you'll somehow be brainwashed into striving so hard for I don't know what. It was an interesting consultation I guess. And through talking about personal emancipation, I got to know that Dr Choy's a Christian, haha.

I'm so dreading tomorrow. Long, long, long day with all 4 of my main tutorials placed on the same day, and my tutorials are undone. Rarhhhh.

I've been feeling a little claustrophobic lately. Not in the literal sense of course, just couldn't think of a better word to describe how I feel. Let's just say, there're loads I need to learn. Sometimes, people talk all the time and barely have 5 minutes to listen to what you want to say. But other times, you're the one talking all the time to other people, barely listening to what they have to say too. Hmmm. I think, maybe, I need a short break from people.

Anyway, we did some sort of a personality test based on the bird-type version of DISC for GESL just now, and I'm a dove. The whole list of characteristics is largely true. And the adjectives are pretty much accurate as well. Sensitive, unassertive, warm (maybe not), reliable (not really), soft-hearted, avoids risks (depends), people-oriented, friendly (not so much now), patient, unassuming, loyal, cooperative (most of but not all the time), kind, caring, emotional.

This part is cool. When communicating with a dove,
- Be relaxed and agreeable
- Be prepared to answer WHY questions
- Be predictable
- Agree clearly and often
- Don't push
- Don't rush
- Compliment him or her as a team player
- Be a good listener (to a significant extent)

So now you'll know how to communicate with me! Hahaha well, people'll be fine as long as they abide by the don'ts. I guess that's why I often don't meet deadlines, and become extremely uncooperative if someone rushes me. Okay, I know, that must change. Heh.

I love fridays! Beginning to enjoy Education Psych, even though it's 2 and a half hours long. But the tutor's really funny. She'll talk about something, then go, "Oh, did I tell you about the diaper?" "Oh, did I tell you about my son?" and she'll start telling us stories, then stop and say, "What were we talking about before this? Oh, yes, yes." She has many, many stories indeed but they're really interesting, so it's okay even if she side-tracks, unlike some JC teacher, whom I shared to the class about just now wahaha.

Our tutorials have officially started, making thursday my longest and most dreaded day. Last week was still a honeymoon period, but this week, we already have a project! And our group couldn't have been more fortunate to get "Group No. 1". So we're supposed to conduct a 2-hour tutorial without getting any insights since we're the first group...... Hopefully, we can find a 1 and a half hour video clip, and talk for the remaining time. Hahaha. And the professor will just fail us.

As I've realised, I've got 7 tutorial classes, probably slightly over a hundred classmates since there're several overlaps, so... No one really knows anyone but everyone just looks vaguely familiar. But I'm proud to say that I know everyone's names in my GESL class, although it's just for that class, it's still an achievement! And the games just now were hilarious.

Thank God for the week, especially for today. Thank God for the impromptu dinner with Jesslyn (we were each headed home but all of a sudden decided to go for dinner at Subway when the train stopped at Paya Lebar), who attends True Jesus Church, which is like a 10-second walk from my house, haha. Coincidental. Thank God for the stuff that's been happening over the week. Well nothing really happened, but yeah, things have definitely changed and I can only keep praying, keep trusting, keep depending.

Needa stop ponning lectures and start doing my tutorials. Mission Impossible.

The first week of school's over! Didn't start off very well, I was already feeling rather down the day before school started and I felt worse when school started on the first day. It was better the next two days, probably due to the short time spent in school due to tutorials being cancelled for the first week. Wasn't looking forward to today at all, have been really sore about not being able to make it to church. But really thank God for today, it was actually... Pretty fun!

I've been going on and on about friends from other schools having timetables that are more slack than mine, having at least someone they already know beforehand whereas I don't... But everything really happens for a reason I guess. I'm not someone who'll move out of my comfort zone, I don't ever take the initiative to talk to someone, if given a choice, I'd stay in my own world. But under circumstances like these, I no longer have a choice. Thank God for the talk with a sister couple days back. School will indeed take up a lot of time such that we'll spend less time with our friends, be it in church or outside. We have to really learn to depend on God. Which is so true, as I've realised, I tend to depend a lot on my friends. High time for me to learn!

I'm still praying that our GESL slot can be changed, since all of us want it to. But finding a common two-period slot when the timetables of 22 people are so different... That's tremendous difficulty. Still........ :)

Speaking of GESL, there're people in my class who live in Pasir Ris, Tampines, Simei, who're not staying in the halls! Cool!

And it's really quick, but I've got my first month's pay! Was pretty surprised when I saw such a huge increase in my balance. Yay I'm rich!!!!!! Not. According to my dad, I've got to save up so that I'll at least have some money to pay back in case I break the bond. Hur.

I'm still uncertain about what the 8 years will bring, or how long will I take to fully adapt to schooling once again. But thank God, for He is in control. I just wish people around me wouldn't be taking notes furiously cos I don't. :(

It's my last day of freedom!

And it seems like the feeling I had a couple months back is coming back again. Perhaps it's predominantly the idea of starting school again, the realisation that EIGHT MONTHS HAVE FLOWN BY and it's back to reality. But primarily, I know it's because I've lost my focus.

The St. John's Island trip was alright, went with the intention of fulfiling a purpose over the other. But there were probably too many thoughts running in my head that I ended up feeling rather distracted lol. Still, thank God for the peace and serenity there where I could just retreat to think and pray, for the talks with several people, for the candle fight, for the interesting shower, for the exciting storm, and for all the bread. Haha. And it was cool to see Vanessa there.

I did have a tinge of excitement about starting school some time back but to be honest, it's gone and I'm actually pretty scared. I've never felt worse starting school in a new environment before this. I guess it's due to the clear goals I had in primary and secondary school, not to mention that lots of my primary school mates and a third of my secondary school mates would end up in the same secondary school and JC. It's different now, I never saw myself here, people can't imagine me being a teacher, I myself can't imagine me being a teacher. And I don't know anyone from my course. With my character, it'll be pretty difficult. What's more, I'm soooooo unprepared, the only thing I'm prepared for is to pon lessons. :X I'll really, really have to depend on God, I don't know if I'm gonna survive the course, or even simply the timetable and travelling. I really wanna go for Uth on fridays but well........ Ahhhhhhh!!!

It's a struggle all over again. I know I have to do something, but I'm unwilling to face up to it and would rather run away. Then, it all goes down...

I need to focus on You alone.
I need to depend on You alone.
Help me.

:D

I shall attempt to blog more frequently in my last remaining days of freedom before I get too exhausted by the travelling and have no more energy to do so. I don't know if I should regret not staying in the hall but well, I've made the decision to travel east to west and west to east, so I'll live with it. What's more important is my timetable. If I'm not allowed to skip lectures as and when I feel like, I'm gonna be extremely miserable. And I just have a dreadful feeling that they're gonna be really strict. Nooooooo.

Amazing quote of the day. "Eh, Ruth, I wanna get married!"

Someone asked me to blog about her but she's afraid I'll shoot her girls. HAHA.

Wanted to blog about some stuff but I'm not in a very good mood now (it's no wonder two future doctors have decided to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder) so, next time.

Patience, humility.

Lord,

Felt a little pensive as a couple of thoughts ran through my mind in the wee hours this morning. In just an eight-month holiday, things have changed. I can only pray. Pray that God will teach me what to do, that He'll give me the wisdom to help this person. Cos I don't know how to. Perhaps it will never go back to what it was like before, but I pray that this, will take it to a whole new level. So thankful that everything may just change in the blink of an eye, but God never blinks.

I Would Die For You - MercyMe

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near

And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

And I know I don't have much to give
But I promise You I'll give You all there is
Can I possibly do less
When through Your own death I live?

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

No greater love is found
Than of those who lay their own lives down
As sure as I live and breathe
Now I know what it means to be free

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why you're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

Great song with really meaningful lyrics. Keeps reminding me...........

Time to reflect. Help me, Lord.