It's been a draining month. One important lesson I've learnt, it is always a privilege to serve, but the moment the focus is off, the joy is lost. As the song goes, not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

I let pride get in the way. I allowed negative thoughts to seep into my mind and drive me mad. I put my own convenience and comfort above others'. I fell down the spiral of discouragement. Before I knew it, I was no longer happy serving. I was tired, I was down, I was angry. I wanted to raise the white flag and say "I quit", but there was just so much to be done, I had to go on. And I wanna thank God for His strength that helped me continue.

It was a drag while I was there. I didn't enjoy myself and I couldn't wait for it to be over. When it finally concluded, I thought to myself, "Finally. I wasn't blessed by it at all." But God really rebuked me. Looking at the video, even though I did not directly get anything, the people around me and those whom the whole thing had been planned for, certainly did. God opened my eyes to how selfish I was, wanting the immediate benefits of anything I did. Well, I'm glad I didn't get any. I'm glad I stayed forgotten and hidden. Only then could I have witnessed the big picture, and how God's hand was in it throughout.

Thank God for the Christmas musical that just passed. This was something different from what I've done. There was greater involvement, deeper relationships, and more setbacks it seemed. I remember how everything was a mess initially. I'm not one to voice my opinions, but this time, I felt a tug and a pull and I knew I had to say something. Thank God, that the team began to seek Him in prayer each time before we began our practices. I was deeply encouraged. More difficulties arose along the way that totally stressed me out but I later felt was God's way of telling me to do something different this time. Blessed are the flexible...

The battle was so real. The rehearsal was a complete screw-up. Everything went wrong, people were frustrated, we had no idea how we could put up a decent performance just two days later. But by God's grace, we did. On Christmas morning, bad news came in for one of our cast. It affected all of us hugely. We could only pray. As I saw her seemingly unaffected on stage each session, it struck me that this strength and peace within her could only have come from Him. I was so blessed. Not only did He show Himself so strong, He proved once again that He is a prayer-answering God. That was an amazing, amazing testimony. It's incredible how the whole musical was put together. It seemed impossible at the start. But we're reminded once again that He can do the impossible, if we'd only come to Him in faith and trust. Thank God for His presence with us, thank God for using weak vessels like us to put together the entire musical. I'm amazed, I'm blessed, I'm honoured to have been a part of this.

To God be the glory!

Thank God for the sermon today. It seems like I actually went through everything in one day. No kidding. Well, maybe a milder version of it...

I have no idea what came over me today. Sometimes, the stress of the world just closes in on you and you crack. I did. Assignment after assignment, practice after practice, preparation after preparation, event after event, exam after exam, more events after events, all this since mid-November. And with the news that came in on Wednesday, the slapping reminder, the feelings of remorse and helplessness... I guess it really took a toll on me, emotionally.

I was glad to have these opportunities to serve. In fact, I still am. But sometimes, we get so on-the-move, we forget the sole purpose of serving. And sometimes, we just keep doing, doing, doing because it's expected of us, and at the end of the day, what does all that hard work boil down to? What if no one remembers anyway? What if all the time we were labouring, down to the very instant we feel so dry and tired deep inside, and no one knows, no one remembers, no one cares?

God just works in amazing ways. When I answered the call of this dear sister, I couldn't even talk properly, I was in tears, an emotional wreck. An hour and a half later, I put down the phone, all smiles. Because God really used her to speak to me.

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Galatians 6:9

Such a familiar verse, but it indeed hit home this time. Sometimes we feel that our work is in vain because no one recognises it. But we're not doing all this unto man anyway. Forgotten, misunderstood, trivialised... God acknowledges, He remembers. So truly, let's just give our best in what we do, not for any humanly recognition or credit, but for the sole glory of God. Yes, it's a reminder to me. And it's unbelievable how this came at the perfect moment. I thank God for that, and I thank this dear sister of mine.

I'm worried that after the Christmas musical, I will crash and burn. But now's not the time to think of such things. I need to get my focus right. I need to stop letting negative thoughts rule my mind. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. Hey, after all, I'm doing this for Him.

Thank God, and thank you. :)

The study break just passed with me studying a mere 3 chapters of Math. Man... But nah, I shan't moan about my motivation problems. What's the point anyway.

So... Much of this week was spent in preparation for the Literacy Camp on Thursday. I'm really, really thankful that it went well! I'm glad that the children enjoyed themselves. Really, all glory goes back to the Lord for this. I remember we were told that there would only be 17 children, and the number of helpers we had almost came up to that number. We were worried that the huge number of helpers would intimidate the children and were about to ask some of them not to go. But somehow, we just thought that it would be nice to have everyone go. Turned out that on the actual day, there was just the right number of helpers to pair each one up with one child. No more, no fewer, but just right. It certainly aided in the personal interaction aspect. Thank God for how it all worked out!

Thank God for this opportunity to serve in an area out of my comfort zone. The moment I was asked to be in-charge of this, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to pull it off on my own. (You know how disorganised, indecisive and last-minute I am.) What's more, I haven't really worked with children before. That really forced me to depend upon the Lord and commit my weaknesses to Him. Throughout the planning process, I was really humbled and blessed by how the team, though much older and much more experienced than I am, willingly supported and helped me all the way. It was like, I would come up with the activities and the next moment, all the materials needed would have been settled. I'm just so thankful for the team! And it really wasn't by what I did or how I led that made the programme successful. Because on that day, other than being the emcee, I was really just walking around. Thank God for the team and every single labourer, thank God for how He made the whole event work out.

I'm really thankful for this dear sister as well. We were walking to the bus-stop from Adam, and she said that she wanted to stop by at church because she felt led to pray for my exams. So we did, and I'm so encouraged by how God works sometimes. Then we were on our way to the bus-stop, in the rain, under the umbrella, and we broke out into a song.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hand

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You

And I wait on You

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

And as I'm sitting here, I realise how apt this song is. It's been 2 years of an incredible journey. Through it all, I can only say that He's been faithful.

Blessed 2nd... :)