It's my last day of freedom!

And it seems like the feeling I had a couple months back is coming back again. Perhaps it's predominantly the idea of starting school again, the realisation that EIGHT MONTHS HAVE FLOWN BY and it's back to reality. But primarily, I know it's because I've lost my focus.

The St. John's Island trip was alright, went with the intention of fulfiling a purpose over the other. But there were probably too many thoughts running in my head that I ended up feeling rather distracted lol. Still, thank God for the peace and serenity there where I could just retreat to think and pray, for the talks with several people, for the candle fight, for the interesting shower, for the exciting storm, and for all the bread. Haha. And it was cool to see Vanessa there.

I did have a tinge of excitement about starting school some time back but to be honest, it's gone and I'm actually pretty scared. I've never felt worse starting school in a new environment before this. I guess it's due to the clear goals I had in primary and secondary school, not to mention that lots of my primary school mates and a third of my secondary school mates would end up in the same secondary school and JC. It's different now, I never saw myself here, people can't imagine me being a teacher, I myself can't imagine me being a teacher. And I don't know anyone from my course. With my character, it'll be pretty difficult. What's more, I'm soooooo unprepared, the only thing I'm prepared for is to pon lessons. :X I'll really, really have to depend on God, I don't know if I'm gonna survive the course, or even simply the timetable and travelling. I really wanna go for Uth on fridays but well........ Ahhhhhhh!!!

It's a struggle all over again. I know I have to do something, but I'm unwilling to face up to it and would rather run away. Then, it all goes down...

I need to focus on You alone.
I need to depend on You alone.
Help me.