Have been thinking of soooooo many things the past week. Times I'd just lie in bed thinking of most random of things, thoughts from the east to the west. Thank God, really, for the sermon on sunday. It was a timely reminder that there is only one place we can find happiness, in God alone, not in a million other places which seems like what I've been doing. To be single-minded, not to have our focus all over the place. Cos there is only one purpose.


Jesus Calling - 33Miles


What do you see when you look at your world today
Is it so full of clutter that you feel like you’re going insane
You can’t fight back cause you’re just too afraid
And it seems like the clouds in your sky don’t wanna change


You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


What do you see when you look at your world today
Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray
Well start by counting your blessings one by one
Oh and I’m sure right there, you’ll start to see the sun


You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine


When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice
Saying it’s okay, you’re not alone
You may be scared to death, but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?


Most amusing description of university applications, "I feel like I'm having a rapture."
Most amusing question from Cat, "Is your house open everyday?"


I've learnt, that God will open a door when all doors seem closed. Thank God. It's pretty amazing. I did feel an inexplicable sense of assurance before that. God is working? I'll still be praying. Your will be done.


Lam Lee's coming back later! But if she has to be quarantined, I'm so gonna laugh! :D


Welcome back Diane, can't wait to meet up! :)


And I saw Dr. Audrey Han today! Was walking along an underpass at Orchard trying to figure out how to get to Far East Plaza when someone grabbed me and went, "HEY RUTH!!!!!!" Great to see her again, for a few seconds. Haha.

Feeling really stressed all of a sudden.


Lord, You're in control. Help me not to worry about what tomorrow will bring, to not question where I'll end up, but to seek first Your kingdom, to trust that You will provide.


To surrender every care...

I'm... THIS close to going crazy.


Right, I shouldn't have blown my top that day. Just one "no" and I'm getting pressed about a million other things. I thought all was fine and I could have peace but NO, it's far from peaceful now.


So, my phone's gone, one page in my bible's torn, no one's online (that I can talk to), and I'm all going mad. Honestly, you didn't have to throw my bible. That's ALL you know how to do don't you. You promised to make my life hell but for now, it already is.


I guess, my parents have never ever let me off regarding the A level results, not even after 3 freaking months. And by the look of it, they will never ever let me off. Just step on their toes for one minor, unrelated matter, rest assured, they WILL start their never-ending insults, never-ending forcing, never-ending... Hell. And then you go on and on, you can serve God if you're a doctor or a lawyer. The more you know, the more you're able to serve God. It's pointless for you to read the bible. You have accomplished nothing in life.


I probably already seem mentally unsound. I just don't know what to do. Yeah, I think I'm losing it.


Quit forcing me, quit your endless threats.


Lord, tell me what to do.

Whoa. I totally BLEW just now. Don't recall having flown into such a rage for a very long time. Regretfully, it's due to one very small thing. Decided to get out of my house (I wasn't leaving home, neither did I storm out slamming the door like what they do on TV, I walked out with... Poise). Walked all the way down Telok Kurau, headed to Parkway, went round East Coast Rd, and back home. Seemed like a depressed soul wandering around aimlessly but nah, I just needed some peace. Not that there was much, with those cars zooming around, but it was the inner peace after all that thinking. Just made me really thankful for the one thing I have.


Lord, thank You for being the only constant. I can't expect my parents to care about how I feel, I can't expect my friends to be there. But thank You Lord, for You are the only one who will never fail me, You are the only one who truly understands, You are the only one who's always going to be there for me.


My relatives are unbelievably...........


Moving on.


Joanne's back! We were at the airport to welcome her back yesterday, after which it was chicken rice at Bedok. Loads to catch up on and as usual, our conversation steered to our Sec 4 days. Honestly, the things we did, I could never imagine doing such stuff with anyone else. Extremely retarded, yet we never can stop having a good laugh each time we talk about it. I miss those days!


Today's sermon really spoke to me. The P word, and the... Other P word. Haha.


Was expressing my worries about dying in Cambodia. The response, "No, no, we're going there for our camp, not to fight a war." Lol.


Thank God, I can now swallow my food properly! It was a tiny scare, but it's alright now. At least, I think so.


I'm so dreading Wednesday. Heeeeelp. :(

Was talking to Val at 3am yesterday cos she couldn't sleep. She asked me, "Don't you ever get insomnia?" To which I smugly replied, "No, HAHAHA!" Next thing I know, I'm the one having insomnia today. Couldn't sleep a wink! Killer, it's all your fault hmph!


So here I am having breakfast, drinking diluted milo and watching the sun (what little I can see) rise. Been long since I'm up at this time, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of the dawn breaking, but I'm probably gonna get cranky later on. Shall leave for church in over an hour, pray that I don't die halfway.


IT'S DAYLIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

Today was a blast!


Started off with my usual fashion crisis, couldn't figure out how to wear the skirt without looking like a martian, so I just brought it along to change into after service. That was when I realised the skirt could fit two of me. So we were in the toilet pulling, pulling, pulling, in an attempt to tighten it without having it look extremely weird, but... Failed. Then along came Dawn and within seconds, she saved the day! Well I just had to wear it differently from the rest. Unique, alright. :D


The wedding was really cool. Of course, since it's a beach wedding! And it's so exciting being there when your friends tie the knot. Thank God for Malcolm and Jessie and for everything running so smoothly.


Was talking to Eleanor, yeah, perhaps it's really God's will. As much as I've accepted it, I do question why. As much as I've gotten over it, I sometimes feel a tinge of hurt. Oh well, can't describe it. Cos it feels like I don't care. Actually I do, perhaps I'm simply running away for the time being. Like what I always do. But anyhow, that aside, thanks sis. :)


I've got loads of retarded stuff to talk about accumulated over the week but I shall spare the corny details.


Welcome back GENIUS! Even though you're flying off for a while again. Joanne comes back this Sat, and Diane the next. Awesome!


I need to give my time.

No Greater Love

Before I knew Your Name
You knew my every breath
Before I found my way
You knew my every step
Before I knew everything that I need
You gave it all to me


No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering why
The beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love than this


I never understood
How merciful love could be
Until I felt His flame
Light every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
Cause I have been saved
Yes, I have been saved


No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering why
The beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love


The Beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be no greater love
For someone such as me
No greater love than this

It's been 4 years since I've changed my template. After having spent more than 4 hours re-creating one, it now looks like ten thousand other blogs and I think my previous template's cuter! Oh well, this is still original in its own sense. Even though I'm a big cheater when it comes to "creating" skins. Wahaha.


Had an extremely slack week at work. Technically, I'd only worked for two and one-third days. In addition, I spent so many hours Facebook-ing I did wonder if I was at the correct place. But the passing of messages to the workers made up for that I guess. Getting calls at 5am, 7am (made me realise how peaceful it was with my phone switched off), msgs that are weird, sick and plain nasty and all that nonsense. Thank God I didn't send any nasty replies, I'd do that in a second last time. Hmm, I could be really mean then.


I really can't complain about work. It's reasonable, minus the environment (which I've only got two words for), minus the calling, which did bring loads of harassment. But like what some helpful person said (lol), it's better they vent their frustrations on me by insulting me, than to kill someone on the streets. Ha, I've always found myself to be soooooooooo noble, you can't deny that now. =.= Thank God for the whole experience. Ain't much, but I do know my limits.


Thank God for seeing me through the week, it's been mentally exhausting. Thank God for the words of encouragement, thank God for the weekend. :) Really tired of thinking of all that so for now, I'm taking a break. The picture says it all.


Now there's no one to talk to me in the wee hours cos they'll all be in Malaysia boohoo. Lol. Have a great time, everyone! :D


Take this sinking boat
And point it home

I've taken 2 days off from work as had I gone in this state, I'd have wrecked something in the office or flared up at someone, I'm a tad emotionally unstable these few days. No beyond that, I've got pressing matters to settle. Last night was horrible, was really stressed up and about to completely lose it. But thank you for talking to me until 2 a.m. even when you had to get up at 6 plus. I felt so much more at peace after that. :)


"God is more concerned about your character than your comfort. His goal is to conform you into the likeness of His Son. Yes, He loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way. You have too many people to impact for His Kingdom that you can’t influence until more of Christ is seen in you."


Lord,
Help me to put my trust in You, and You alone
Help me to not be affected by the world, to not see things the way the world does but the way You do and the way You want me to
Help me to take a step of faith, that I'll eventually end up where You will me to
Help me to be still and know that You are God, to take heart that You are in control
Help me to seek first Your kingdom
Help me, through this, to fulfil Your ultimate purpose.


Dear Child,
God does not say to you today, be strong
He knows how long the road has been
How weary you've become
For He who walked this earthly land alone
Each boggy lowland and each rugged hill, understands
And so He simply says, be still
Be still and know that I am God
The hour is late and you must rest a while
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill
As slow rain fills an empty cup
All He says of us is
"Be still and know that I am God"


Thanks. I'll keep praying, I'll keep trusting.


In dark times, the difference for Christians is not the absence of the shadow, but the presence of the light.


Thank You, Lord.

After having hung out with normal people for a couple of hours which allowed me to have my emotions stabilised and mind composed to think more sensibly and rationally, I've come to a conclusion. Not taking into account any external factor... How can I complain? How can I blame anyone? How can I? Press on. I've got to. His grace is sufficient, always is.


Val came over to my place this evening. And this is one mean friend I've got. My mum asked her, "Valerie, you came to stay over tonight?" And she replied, "No, I just came to scold Ruth." WHAT KIND OF A FRIEND IS THIS! Hahahahaha. Nahh, thank God for you killer. Really thank God that you came today, it was so timely. Thank you for caring so much, I truly appreciate it. :)


All this while I haven't had much time to think about it nor been in the mood to bother. But now that "no news is good news" no longer holds with the bad news that came, I'd be lying if I said I don't care. In fact, I'm starting to worry. But as so rightly said, why should we only give thanks when He showers us with blessings but not when He gives us trials and uncertainties? What's more, mine isn't even a life-and-death matter. Proverbs 3: 5, 6!


"Cos you need to have my intelligence", was my reply about a donkey's-years-ago matter we talked about. And guess what, I said that to one of VJ's top students! LOL!


I've decided not to pick up any nameless calls for the next few weeks. So if you've changed your number or are using your 5th phone line, toooooo baaaaaaad.


Should I perform with CCO this time? The idea of an Esplanade performance thrills me, but not that of spending National Day in Malaysia. And I have to give a reply really soon. How how how? :/

Felt like crap yesterday but I'm feeling better now after getting it off my chest. It's great telling someone, cos I obviously can't blog about it. Was rather tired, then came a prig, got me pretty pissed and it actually stuck till and through Vibe, even the most insignificant stuff annoyed me. My moods do get the better of me, I wasn't very nice to the people around, wasn't gonna volunteer to help, wasn't about to listen to anyone if I didn't feel like it. Yeah, felt really bad about it. I'm sorry.


"Humility is estimating your worth under the might of God, being aware of your weaknesses, not being conscious of others' strengths in comparison to yours."


Lord, teach me to be humble, not to feel that I'm better than anyone else, not to think that I'm doing such a huge favour to others. As this says it all, "For who am I to serve You, I know I don't deserve You". So many things and opportunities You've given me that I don't deserve. I shouldn't be thinking of proving anything to anyone, of anything else but glorifying You.


Alright. Happier stuff. I promised to blog about this, so I will. Someone went mountain-climbing in Kota Kinabalu in office wear and destroyed her shoes as a result. Guess who. Lol! :D


Other amusing stuff, and an extremely lame "joke" of the week.


My mum: Don't you ever go up the Singapore Flyer, you understand?
Me: I just did.


"I'm rooting for Adam to win American Idol."
"Well, you'll see him tomorrow anyway."
"Please explain?"
"Adam Rd."


Thinking of tomorrow makes me wanna cry but by His grace, I'll survive another week.

Thank God for sustaining me this week. Wasn't that bad really, other than several occassions I was really tired of all that sai kang, getting yelled at and having the phone hung up on me cos I couldn't understand them and vice versa, and... People. The reason I really appreciate being alone nowadays. Well I thought I was done with the calling but I had to call the list of 200 odd again. On top of hating Chinese, I'm now hating the telephone.


Was rather freaked out on thursday, prayed so hard and thank God I was just scaring myself. Decided not to tell my parents, they'd probably get me to quit lol. It was paranoia I guess, but at that time I was really scared and I was like, THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD at the end of it. Must have been the first time I was so happy to see a packed train lol. You could ask me if you wanna know what happened, there's stuff I don't wish to say here cos it's so scarily public. And yeah, lesson learnt, haha.


Thank God that I could go for Uth yesterday! And thank God for the message. Reminded me of this video, felt really blessed after watching it. Thanks Diane! :)


And because my comp has decided to be extremely annoying, I'm unable to post the video up, so here's the link if you wish to watch it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DCDApaqRhA


Love FM Static's latest album! Green Day's is not bad too. :D


What's this little uncertainty, this little exhaustion, compared to what others have experienced? Are we singing?

Rare to be home on a sunday afternoon. Back from Campus Retreat and suffering from after-camp withdrawals. Well it's the usual feeling I get after camps. After a coupla days of whackiness and having people around you, it feels empty coming back to a silent house. Maybe it's just me and this time, it's only for one night.


The camp was fantastic, activities and all. The workshop was just so, wow. We were taught how to study the bible, was really detailed, to the point that it got too deep, for me that is. Been wondering how to study the bible and I was pretty blown away by all that dissecting. Which also made me realise how little I know, how much time and effort I have to put in. Thank God for the workshop and Brother Peter, I really learnt loads. The discussions, lessons, reminders, not to mention corrections. And thank God for the camp, for the labourers, the messages, the food, the games, the weather, every single activity, every single person and every single moment. Really love such camps, it's so... Warm. Haha. And someone needs to be nicer to her leg(s). :D


So after the retreat at Sembawang, it'll be a week's retreat at, uh, Lakeside Island. Z.z.z.


"A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, 'I can't take any more.' Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God's hands."


Press on, press on.


Thankful for the friends around, who never fail to listen and encourage. Thank God for you all, who have been tremendous blessings. :)

That was one BLAZING HOT performance on American Idol! But of course, I'm not here to comment on that.


DHSCO was awesome today with the choice piece. Right from the first shout, to the reverberation following the drum beats, to Daniel's solo, to the very last note, the entire performance just made my hair stand on end. Yup, Gold with Honours, cheered like anything when they announced cos after all, it's a very special debut. With that, DHSCO has made a clean sweep with 3 GWH awards - Senior High, Junior High, Guzheng!


I thought I wouldn't care. But I did. Seeing many of them in tears just reminded me of the same occassion two years back when we had the same feeling, when we were the ones in tears. It sure hurts and all that "you gave your best" talk doesn't work as good as it sounds. Cos the fact remains. And I guess the worst part is having to go to school the next day, indignance and all. But at least they have a concert, so the end isn't as abrupt. Take this as a platform to achieve much more during the concert. And really, the bond forged can never be bought with an Honours, as I came to learn. The award doesn't define the orchestra; the Victorian spirit does. Now for the concert!


Now that I've landed myself in this, I'm thinking, maybe I don't really want it anymore. Or maybe I'm just scared. Yes, I'm pretty scared. Lord, help me, teach me, guide me.


Be proud, be very very proud.

Recalled a sermon preached some time back. The hardest word, "No". Times when we want something really badly, it's just so hard to accept it when God tells us, "No". Even when we know He has a better plan, that He makes no mistakes, we're busy shoving that thought out cos we just WANT IT.


Felt pretty down throughout the day after the interview. Wasn't bad, but wasn't good either. Guess I felt annoyed that I only said half of what I wanted to (always happens). Yeah, couldn't get my thoughts to flow all that smoothly and didn't manage to say much too. But well, after feeling moody for the whole afternoon and "celebrating my depression" with my depressed buddy, I feel more insightful now. Hahaha okay not really. But yeah, perhaps He wants something better for me. He has the perfect plan. Jesus, take the wheel.


Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord, empty me of me
So I can be filled with you


All the best, DHSSHCO and VJCO! I know I'm terribly missed, so I'll give every ounce of moral support from the audience seat. Hahaha. Enjoy the music! :)


Thank God for friends like these, thank God for times like these. Thank you, for being such a blessing. :)

Woohoo! Thank God for the splendid time at Labrador Park with the youths today, thank God for the awesome weather and fun! Dog and bone, charades, CAPTAIN'S BALL, monkey, volleyball, BRIDGE (we basically just planted ourselves there and played forever) haha. :D


Just when I thought my nightmare with interviews was over, I recently received notifications for two supposed interviews. Supposed as I haven't got the details for the more important one and as for the other, I don't even feel like going for it. And for the former, there wasn't even supposed to be an interview for that! S-C-A-M. Hoooooooooooow????? :( :( :( I wish university applications were as straightforward as applying for JCs (not that I went through the process, which brings me to another point). DSA!


Oh well leaving that aside for a moment, I'm so looking forward to wednesday. There's gonna be an exciting line-up of performances during the SYF! Just look at this.


7. Victoria Junior College 11.20am
8. Dunman High School (Senior High) 11.40am
9. Hwa Chong Institution (College) 12.00pm


Wow! Furthermore, it's DHSSHCO's first, taking part in the JC category. Can't wait to be blown away!


I'll sleep earlier today. My sleeping hours are as erratic as my eating habits, it's no wonder I'm this size and shrinking.


*shudders*

Thank God for Blueprint and Vibe yesterday! That thought which really struck me, if our loved ones and friends were stuck in a building during a fire, would we not dash in to save them? Struggle, struggle, struggle. Keep praying and have faith. Thank God for the effective time of memory work on the bus. I did what I could, cos I get giddy reading on the bus. So thank God yay.


Vibe! Other than a "Bali explosion" (hilarious but extremely retarded and not to mention embarrassing lol), all was well and peaceful. Well I was there for only a short while, didn't do much, so my hand is working great. Or perhaps I'm just getting better at this. Hahaha sure. Indeed a privilege, for who am I?


Just some days ago, someone guessed that I'm 17 and was shocked when I revealed my real age. Yes, I'm feeling smug about that. Lol.


Super tired right now, I can't imagine how people can survive on 6 hours of sleep when here I am feeling sluggish and dead. That long walk in ECP didn't help either (long cos we were walking at snail pace), after it'd rained and with my holy holey shoes. I shall greet my pillow soon.


I wanna hit the pool again!

To sum up my day simply, I was on tenterhooks from morning till afternoon. What with the waiting for DHSCO to go on stage, worrying about getting to SMU in time (I left SCH at 9.55am and got there at 10.05am, thank God for the cab driver), feeling afraid and uneasy waiting for the interview (thank God for Val's reminder - go in faith), going in realising that was only the first part of the interview so the nerves returned as we waited for the second part again, fretting that I'd not catch the morning results in time, and the moment of truth.


Let's start with the interview, which I thought would last for half an hour at most. But my spirits were dampened when the guy said, "I will be facilitating the first hour of your interview." Which required us to look at posters, read an article (which due to my zombified state, sleeping only 3 hours the night before, and concern about the SYF, I drifted off), answer some questions on paper and watch a video. The second hour was the actual interview. So the interviewers showed us some slides (6 of us) and before I even warmed the seat they said, "Alright, Ruth, you may start first." Thankfully the "HUH" I was about to exclaim was caught in my throat. Yeah, so began the interview which was, really interesting.


"How many words are there in the Straits Times newspaper on a typical Monday?" You have 3 minutes to write down your assumption, derive a model, come up with steps and give your answer. After which you'll share.


That, was the bomb. The interview on the whole was as I said, interesting. (Shan't elaborate otherwise it'll fill up a page on the Straits Times.) But I doubt I'm gonna make it, simply cos 1. I totally didn't make sense, and 2. I totally didn't make sense. Yeah, you get it. Really thank God for guiding me through this. Cos I absolutely am not able to do such a thing, be it speaking what I'm thinking, giving wise opinions on an article, general knowledge, etc. Thank God for Val's encouraging words that calmed me a little, for everyone's well wishes (special mention to Diane for msging me from Australia!) and of course, thank God for a fantastic learning experience! And I charged down to SCH after that.


Yay for I made it back in time but my heart aches for my two cab rides today. Oh well, I'm not cabbing for the next 6 months. Can't deny I was nervous while waiting for the results. I watched their performance, thought it was great, would have expected an Honours but situations have taught me never to be complacent and take things for granted. Was about to suffer from a 7th bout of heart attack when finally it came.


"Orchestra No. 40
Dunman High School
Gold with Honours"


My response? "WOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!" And credit me for not crying, thank you. Well that's just a title that'll fade 2 years later. But what goes beyond is the pride from seeing the juniors mature. Responsibility, skills, stage presence, it's always an awesome at the same time indescribable delight. No one was ever born to fly but we always try, and we never stop learning, we never stop growing. Much more to go but it'll all be worth it in the end.


I could type a 2000-word essay on SYF on the whole but I shan't do that. That'll fill up another page on the Straits Times and work better than sleeping pill. So for now, let's conclude with........... THREE CHEERS FOR DHSCO!!!!!!!


Thank God for one remarkable (to)day!

Wow, there're already 3 schools awarded the Honours today. That was the total number awarded our year on all 3 days. I expected only 2 today. And there's a number of really good schools scheduled on the third day. Oh well, everyone keeps getting better. They should just raise the bar for Honours to 90 marks. Lol.


"You are the music while the music lasts."


Let's go.

Thank God for Street E today! The Blueprint students had to go out for practical and learn from our trainers. I "fished" while Catherine "fed", lol. It was rather discouraging initially as Cat didn't manage to share the full Gospel with the first two people we encountered. But there was some time left, so we decided to walk for a bit, praying that the full Gospel could be shared once and that a soul would be saved. Soon after, we met a Filipino, Cat shared and all, and she accepted Christ! She was really nice, very friendly, even asked to take a picture with us. Thank God for leading us to this lady and for her heart to be touched.


I shan't pretend I don't care cos I do. But accolades come and go. No one's gonna remember a flawless, technical performance. But you will remember that one moment when you were touched by your own music. No regrets, okay?


Wednesday is gonna be one exciting day. It just has to be that my SMU interview's an hour after DHSCO's scheduled to take the stage. I can already picture myself having a panic attack on tuesday night cos I've yet to prepare anything. Which brings me to the point, I need to stop living by "I don't really care".


Thank You, for letting me realise that even the simplest things can bring much joy. Not about me, but what You've done.


Your will be done.