It's been a draining month. One important lesson I've learnt, it is always a privilege to serve, but the moment the focus is off, the joy is lost. As the song goes, not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

I let pride get in the way. I allowed negative thoughts to seep into my mind and drive me mad. I put my own convenience and comfort above others'. I fell down the spiral of discouragement. Before I knew it, I was no longer happy serving. I was tired, I was down, I was angry. I wanted to raise the white flag and say "I quit", but there was just so much to be done, I had to go on. And I wanna thank God for His strength that helped me continue.

It was a drag while I was there. I didn't enjoy myself and I couldn't wait for it to be over. When it finally concluded, I thought to myself, "Finally. I wasn't blessed by it at all." But God really rebuked me. Looking at the video, even though I did not directly get anything, the people around me and those whom the whole thing had been planned for, certainly did. God opened my eyes to how selfish I was, wanting the immediate benefits of anything I did. Well, I'm glad I didn't get any. I'm glad I stayed forgotten and hidden. Only then could I have witnessed the big picture, and how God's hand was in it throughout.

Thank God for the Christmas musical that just passed. This was something different from what I've done. There was greater involvement, deeper relationships, and more setbacks it seemed. I remember how everything was a mess initially. I'm not one to voice my opinions, but this time, I felt a tug and a pull and I knew I had to say something. Thank God, that the team began to seek Him in prayer each time before we began our practices. I was deeply encouraged. More difficulties arose along the way that totally stressed me out but I later felt was God's way of telling me to do something different this time. Blessed are the flexible...

The battle was so real. The rehearsal was a complete screw-up. Everything went wrong, people were frustrated, we had no idea how we could put up a decent performance just two days later. But by God's grace, we did. On Christmas morning, bad news came in for one of our cast. It affected all of us hugely. We could only pray. As I saw her seemingly unaffected on stage each session, it struck me that this strength and peace within her could only have come from Him. I was so blessed. Not only did He show Himself so strong, He proved once again that He is a prayer-answering God. That was an amazing, amazing testimony. It's incredible how the whole musical was put together. It seemed impossible at the start. But we're reminded once again that He can do the impossible, if we'd only come to Him in faith and trust. Thank God for His presence with us, thank God for using weak vessels like us to put together the entire musical. I'm amazed, I'm blessed, I'm honoured to have been a part of this.

To God be the glory!

Thank God for the sermon today. It seems like I actually went through everything in one day. No kidding. Well, maybe a milder version of it...

I have no idea what came over me today. Sometimes, the stress of the world just closes in on you and you crack. I did. Assignment after assignment, practice after practice, preparation after preparation, event after event, exam after exam, more events after events, all this since mid-November. And with the news that came in on Wednesday, the slapping reminder, the feelings of remorse and helplessness... I guess it really took a toll on me, emotionally.

I was glad to have these opportunities to serve. In fact, I still am. But sometimes, we get so on-the-move, we forget the sole purpose of serving. And sometimes, we just keep doing, doing, doing because it's expected of us, and at the end of the day, what does all that hard work boil down to? What if no one remembers anyway? What if all the time we were labouring, down to the very instant we feel so dry and tired deep inside, and no one knows, no one remembers, no one cares?

God just works in amazing ways. When I answered the call of this dear sister, I couldn't even talk properly, I was in tears, an emotional wreck. An hour and a half later, I put down the phone, all smiles. Because God really used her to speak to me.

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Galatians 6:9

Such a familiar verse, but it indeed hit home this time. Sometimes we feel that our work is in vain because no one recognises it. But we're not doing all this unto man anyway. Forgotten, misunderstood, trivialised... God acknowledges, He remembers. So truly, let's just give our best in what we do, not for any humanly recognition or credit, but for the sole glory of God. Yes, it's a reminder to me. And it's unbelievable how this came at the perfect moment. I thank God for that, and I thank this dear sister of mine.

I'm worried that after the Christmas musical, I will crash and burn. But now's not the time to think of such things. I need to get my focus right. I need to stop letting negative thoughts rule my mind. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. Hey, after all, I'm doing this for Him.

Thank God, and thank you. :)

The study break just passed with me studying a mere 3 chapters of Math. Man... But nah, I shan't moan about my motivation problems. What's the point anyway.

So... Much of this week was spent in preparation for the Literacy Camp on Thursday. I'm really, really thankful that it went well! I'm glad that the children enjoyed themselves. Really, all glory goes back to the Lord for this. I remember we were told that there would only be 17 children, and the number of helpers we had almost came up to that number. We were worried that the huge number of helpers would intimidate the children and were about to ask some of them not to go. But somehow, we just thought that it would be nice to have everyone go. Turned out that on the actual day, there was just the right number of helpers to pair each one up with one child. No more, no fewer, but just right. It certainly aided in the personal interaction aspect. Thank God for how it all worked out!

Thank God for this opportunity to serve in an area out of my comfort zone. The moment I was asked to be in-charge of this, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to pull it off on my own. (You know how disorganised, indecisive and last-minute I am.) What's more, I haven't really worked with children before. That really forced me to depend upon the Lord and commit my weaknesses to Him. Throughout the planning process, I was really humbled and blessed by how the team, though much older and much more experienced than I am, willingly supported and helped me all the way. It was like, I would come up with the activities and the next moment, all the materials needed would have been settled. I'm just so thankful for the team! And it really wasn't by what I did or how I led that made the programme successful. Because on that day, other than being the emcee, I was really just walking around. Thank God for the team and every single labourer, thank God for how He made the whole event work out.

I'm really thankful for this dear sister as well. We were walking to the bus-stop from Adam, and she said that she wanted to stop by at church because she felt led to pray for my exams. So we did, and I'm so encouraged by how God works sometimes. Then we were on our way to the bus-stop, in the rain, under the umbrella, and we broke out into a song.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hand

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You

And I wait on You

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

And as I'm sitting here, I realise how apt this song is. It's been 2 years of an incredible journey. Through it all, I can only say that He's been faithful.

Blessed 2nd... :)

I'm writing the past week's frustrations in the sand. May the winds soon blow them all away, never to be seen again...

I'm alarmed by my schedule for this week. It's supposedly my study break, but all 7 days have already been taken up. 3 days for the Literacy Camp, 5 days for the Christmas Musical, however many days for the Uth Camp preparations, the usual weekend stuff, and my mum's birthday that falls on this week. How now, brown cow?

I'm not complaining. I very gladly took on all that I did. And it's exciting. With this major clash of events and severe lack of time, I'll really have to depend on Him to manage my time properly and prioritise my activities. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive the next one month. But His grace is sufficient.

At the end of the day, may I be doing all this not just to serve, but because I love You.

So the number of Christmas Musical practices has suddenly increased fivefold. I'm definitely for it, I believe we need it. But there I was, looking at the schedule for our practices, with a separate to-do list running in my mind simultaneously. Well, it's just that time of the year when everything piles up.

Music recording, 2 assignment deadlines, 1 major test, practices

Study break, BASC Literacy Camp, practices

Exams, practices, probably the Uth camp preparations

Exams, Uth camp, practices

Rehearsals... And CHRISTMAS!!!!!

But I'm so thankful for the privilege to serve in the various areas. I'm excited at how the Literacy Camp will turn out under my leadership (you know how I'm no born leader, it just makes me depend on Him all the more to do this). I'm excited for the souls that are gonna come in during the Uth camp. I'm even more excited for the upcoming Christmas musical. Thank God for the opportunity to help a friend by doing the recording. I ain't complaining doing all this... But time is so tight, it scares me. I have yet to start on my slides, I know that they should be up soon, but I know that the next week is just impossible for me to do anything with them. Well, I guess I'll be burning some midnight oil real soon...

Oh, and I'm excited for the exams to start cos I can't wait for them to end.

Sometimes, certain doors don't open. Then you wonder if you should keep knocking. Is it worth standing out there, trying all day to get the owner to open the door?

Even if it isn't... We know that there'd be the One who'll never stop loving. And wants us to do the same.

So I was a grouchy "night owl" in the wee hours last night. After spending many frustrating hours on this.

Silly-looking program that made me waste so much time and brain juices just thinking of how to write and modify it. Not to mention, my brain was so full of MATLAB, I forgot for an instant how to count decimal places! Seriously...

All that trouble, just to get a simple-looking table like this. But that was just part of the working for something bigger...

Yes, I'm immensely proud of myself for getting the entire table done up. But all of that did not even constitute one question. There was much more to go. Well, thank God, after five hours, five pages, a thousand error messages (thanks to Daniel for spotting my errors cos I just couldn't figure out why my program couldn't run) and endless annoyance, I finally completed the dreadful assignment at some unearthly hour. Only to have the next assignment given out today.

I've been grumbling non-stop about MATLAB for the past few days. So I was hoping that some saint, who shared in my pain, could help me with it. Unfortunately... But don't you think that "scholar" and "fail" don't quite go together? It's either impossible, or plain demoralising.

I'm struggling, big time.

That aside, I've been wondering. I often have people saying, "You're a teacher, you're supposed to..." The fact that I'm going to be a teacher a few years down the road... Does that mean I have to miss out on the realness of student life even when I'm still in university? Do I not have the right to be a student while I am a student? Maybe, that's just the way it is...

But you know that I do my own thing. I will still do.

Well, I'm surprised that I'm saying this, but I am. I have my hands full now.

My blog title says it best.

You know how they say, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. It certainly seemed like a week gone wrong. It was a rough start, and proceeded to get worse day by day. I felt like the day's current was just pushing me back to shore each time I attempted to swim out. I felt like I was insignificant. I felt like a primary school kid, getting scolded and punished by this... Big, scary person. I felt that any ounce of pride I had left was completely crushed. I felt so tired I wanted to crash. I felt like I was getting summoned onto "judgment seat". I felt terrified. I felt despairingly helpless. I felt suffocated with never-ending work. I felt like screaming out what was in my heart, but there were too many people around. I felt flustered, and extremely stressed. I felt afraid. I felt indignant. I felt so scared I wished a hole would appear on the ground and swallow me up. I felt embarrassed. I felt humiliated. I felt guilty. I felt that I was the saddest person on planet earth.

No kidding, my tears would just flow and I'd sit there feeling very, very miserable. I've been shutting the world out somehow, feeling too sick and tired to hold any substantial conversation with anyone much less talk about my life, getting annoyed... Basically, I've been wallowing in self-pity and feeling extremely sad for myself. Until I came across a devotional passage.

"A Christian worker has to learn how to be God's man or woman of great worth and excellence in the midst of a multitude of meager and worthless things. Never protest by saying, "If only I were somewhere else!" All of God's people are ordinary people who have been made extraordinary by the purpose He has given them. Unless we have the right purpose intellectually in our minds and lovingly in our hearts, we will very quickly be diverted from being useful to God. We are not workers for God by choice."

- Extract from Submitting to God's Purpose, Oswald Chambers

It was easy to be all praise and fire for God right after the Philippines trip where I'd just seen God work miracles and do the impossible. What about when life hits the valley? Is God not the same God that worked on the mountaintop? We don't choose the circumstances we want to be in. God does. And He places us where we are for a purpose. I don't see what good can come out of where I am now. But God sent me to the Philippines for a reason. To learn to put my faith of a little seed in a great God. Trust that He has a reason for whatever I'm going through, that He'll provide His strength, His grace, His love, His wisdom, that He'll use me, that all things will work together for good. After all, it's only when our strength comes to an end that His will begin.

Thank God for speaking to me. And thank God for something that happened out of the blue, something so small, yet so encouraging. God is good, all the time! :)

When you don't have the energy to talk about your life, just say you're okay.

I've been feeling indignant. My timetable's... Screwed up. My lessons are short, my days are long. I'm separated from friends, even acquaintances, and thrown into a sea of unfamiliar faces. My timings clash with everyone else's. The modules are getting so tough I don't even know what I'm learning and I can't do anything about it. The deadlines and tests come gushing in without stopping. Not even a one-week break, and there's two months to go. I feel that people are talking too much and listening too little. Pushing too hard... To say it the best I can, I'm fed-up.

But God has been speaking to me and teaching me lessons. Sunday's sermon talked about the Cherith experience. The take-home point? The brook that provided Elijah with water dried up. I enjoyed going to school last semester. I hung out with those close friends everyday. They were always just there. I guess I had so much fun in school, I didn't feel like I needed to spend time with Him. Which actually explains my spiritual downness at that time. Well, it's a different story now. I believe God wants to give us gifts. But when the gift takes our eyes off the Giver, He takes it away.

Someone shared recently, that God doesn't take away our comforts to make us uncomfortable, but to shift our dependence onto Him. It's been a tough period. And I can't seem to talk to anyone about it. But each night as I lie in bed all lonely and miserable, I'm just so thankful that there's Someone I can talk to anytime, anywhere, on anything. It shows me how much I need Him, and how much He loves me.

On a side note... That was such a struggle. I was sure it wouldn't turn out well. I prayed not for a good grade, but for a thankful heart despite a bad grade. You gave me a good grade. I didn't see it coming, I don't think I deserve it. But once again, Your grace still amazes me. Humble me, and allow me to give You all the glory. Because based on my own efforts, it's impossible.

I just want to draw near to You.

When my way seems dark and drear and the future I don’t know

My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow

When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul

This one thing I know for sure, my God is in control

His way is perfect, His way is perfect

Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan

His way is perfect, His way is perfect

Take my life and make a vessel purified

God makes no mistakes, His way is best

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care

I faint ‘neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear

When the joy has departed from my sorrow stricken soul

This one thing I know for sure, my God is in control

This hymn describes exactly how I'm feeling now. I feel miserable on the inside. It's been such a struggle. I've been putting up a front. But I don't really wanna break that front. Because what I truly need now is not a listening ear, not soothing words, not sympathy. I need to pray. I need to be fully surrendered. I need to hold on to God's promises. I need to trust Him. I need to turn my eyes upward. I need You.

It's easy to have all that passion and be thankful when everything's going smoothly. What if it's the converse? Am I going to let circumstances affect my walk with God? Am I gonna start on a pathway to destruction? They ask, what comes out of a Christian when the Christian is put in hot water? What's going to come out of me?

If this is what it takes to bring me closer to Him, let it be. He has said that His grace is sufficient. Lord, give me the strength to hold on to this promise. I can only go through all of this with You. And I want to go through this with You.

God is good. He's always there when no one is. He knows every single thing I'm going through. He understands exactly how I'm feeling. He does anything but fail. Indeed, my way seems dark and drear and the future I don't know. But God is in control, He has His reasons, and His way is perfect.

Pray with me, please?

Lord, I need You. I really do.

Philippines E-Camp Part 9 - In A (Huge) Nutshell

A short time I was there, but it was an experience of a lifetime. I'm just so amazed by how God works. I remember last year when the church made announcements about the campaign, I thought to myself, "I'm never gonna do such a thing, it's not for me." Who'd have thought at that moment, that I'd be a part of it this year! I never even saw myself being able to share the Gospel during Street E. It just goes to show that God does take us further than we ever dare to imagine.

There were two main reasons why I wanted to go for the campaign this year. Well, I didn't plan on it from the start. But I was sick of being so spiritually down. I'd been so since the start of the year, with a few up moments but that was all. When the long holiday started, I told myself that I had to make the four months count. I had to get right with God. By God's grace, I managed to spend time consistently reading the Word and praying. The church camp was probably a factor as well. It prodded me into the realisation that I've been so apathetic towards people. There are so many out there, including my loved ones and friends, who've yet to know the Lord, but I didn't care. God was somehow telling me that I had to do something about it, but I didn't know what. It was so timely that the very Sunday we returned, there was a meeting on the Evangelistic Campaign, which I decided to attend out of curiosity.

After which began a series of struggles. First, I struggled with the decision on whether to go for the campaign. I thought that it was a good opportunity to take a look at the mission field and do something meaningful with my holidays, but I was also fearful. I was afraid that it would be a rash decision on my part. I spent many days praying about it, and eventually decided to take a step of faith. Then, it was a struggle getting approval from my parents. It was a flat no. But thank God, after much praying, after much asking, the door was finally opened.

The second reason was that I knew I couldn't do it. Preaching the Gospel to an entire class of students is way out of my element. I didn't know how to share the Gospel, neither was I comfortable speaking to a large crowd (I feel awkward even speaking to a small group of people). I thought that it'd be a wonderful opportunity to see what God could do through me. As we always say, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It was a huge step of faith, but I wanted to trust Him, I wanted to depend on Him, I wanted to trade my weakness for His strength. And I can never be more thankful to have taken that step.

It's simply amazing, how God could use a weak person like me to share the Gospel to large groups of students. I'm not an eloquent speaker, I'm bad at expressing what I really want to say, I'm incoherent, and I feel that I confuse people sometimes. But God took all my weaknesses and filled me with His strength. It's incredible. Each time after I gave the invitation and saw many hands raised, I could only marvel at how God used someone so small to accomplish something so big. I can't say enough how amazed I am at what He's done. He made what I thought was impossible, possible. And it all started from that step. Indeed, God meets us at the step of faith we take.

I also thank God that my mum refused to let me go for two weeks. That made me decide to go for the last week, and I thought that it was the best week I could go for. Perhaps it's a biased opinion, but I'm thankful I got to serve alongside people whom I hardly see and talk to in church, people whom I wasn't close with, people whom I didn't know existed (lol). I couldn't have asked for a better combination of people.

The Davao team! Credit to Pastor Mike, who was the photographer.

Thank God for the Singapore team, the SMCI workers, the GPCM members, the Java team, Pastor Mike, Reid, Kim and Ven. It's been a privilege serving together with each and every one on the team. And of course, thank God once again, for the amazing experience. I could write a thesis on it, but that's all on the blog.

This, is only the beginning of greater things to come. Keep taking steps of faith, trust that God will continue to work and do the unimaginable. Because our God is a great God.

Philippines E-Camp Part 8 - Tearful Goodbyes (Davao, 14/08)

The week there passed so quickly, it wasn't long before we had to say our goodbyes. I wouldn't have expected myself to cry, but amidst our final hugs and goodbyes, Ate Abigael came up to talk to me with teary eyes and that set it all off. No one saw, thankfully, since they'd already walked off to board the van. Well other than Charmaine, who decided to walk off without me when I seemed so reluctant to leave. Lol. You know, we had all bonded and gelled so well together, it was just so difficult to say goodbye.

It was an amazing week there. Unlike most of my overseas trips where I'd be miserable and missing home the first few days, I enjoyed every single moment of the Philippines trip. Perhaps it was the short time I was there that I made sure I embraced every moment, perhaps it was the warmth of the locals that enabled us to settle in so well... Whatever it is, I'm really thankful to be able to go on the campaign.

So, I was really sad when we were on the plane to Manila. I couldn't believe we were really leaving. Yeah, Alina had to remind me when we were taking off, "it's official". Awwwww man. Each time I thought of the wonderful people back in Davao, I'd feel like crying. Hee. But well, if it's in God's plan, we'll meet again...

Philippines E-Camp Part 7 - One Last Time, SMCI Night (Davao, 13/08)

It was the second last day of the campaign and there wasn't much preaching to be done. We hit two schools, and the rest of the day was spent in bookstores, and rehearsing for our skit in the evening. The first class I took, there was this student who asked, "Since Jesus has died for all our sins, does that mean after I accept Jesus, I can continue to sin all I want?" I was momentarily dumbfounded. But thank God for all the analogies used by different people during Street E, I recalled one of them and used it to explain to the student the best I could. Thank God for His guidance! Not only that, it spoke to me personally as well.

I remember James sharing once, that when we share the Gospel, we remind ourselves over and over again about God's grace to us and we're more humbled, more appreciative. It seemed to hold especially true during the preaching in my last class. I was doing the Cross trick. When the water cleared from its dark state, the students were struck. When I added more iodine in and the water remained clear, I was struck. I'd done the trick a couple of times already, but it was that one time that a wave seemed to gush over me and I was so overwhelmed, so moved. It was such a reminder - once a child of God, always a child of God. We can be so distant, we can grieve Him so much, we can turn away from Him, but in His eyes, we're still that clean, perfect child of His, because He has already forgiven us. As the song goes, I am amazed to know, that a God so great could love me so. What unthinkable grace and inexplicable love indeed. Thank God for speaking to me, even through my sharing.

My last Gospel class of the campaign

And then it was the SMCI Night! The Singapore team put up a skit for all the students. Thank God how everything worked out! And thank God for the narration. Somehow, the lights weren't turned on so I wasn't able to look at the script, so I had to memorise it on the spot without looking at it. That was a miracle in itself, so thank God, really. And I wish that Charmaine'd taken a video of the skit instead of my narration, the skit's so much funnier. Hee. Well, thank God for His grace...

The Philippine eagle!!!

I was already starting to feel sad that night, I knew it was the last time I was gonna see some of them. People like Ate Ethel, Ate Kakai, Earll, Dylan... And of course, that was already our last night at Davao. If there was one thing I regretted, it'd be not taking my own pictures.

Ate Ekit did this! How sweet!

Dylan and Ate Ethel! :D

Before we left for the pension house, Ate Abigael came up to me and said, "Ruth, forgive your dad, okay?" The words still ring constantly in my mind. It has to be done. How can I go about so readily and share the Word yet forget about the ones dearest to me? Keep praying, as what people have been telling me during the trip each time I share about my family. Thank God for people like Beverly, Charmaine, Ate Abigael for their encouragement and just reminding me to pray.

And since it was the last night... Party time! With uh, chips and Monopoly Deal. (No durian, thank goodness, phew!) Hahahaha!

Philippines E-Camp Part 6 - Work and Play (Tagum City, 12/08)

It was supposed to be a very busy day for us, but turned out that we had plenty of rest time. Well there was this class of High School Year 1s in the morning. Prior to that, I thought that I'd avoid the Year 1 and 2 classes as I'd heard that they wouldn't really understand our English. But on that day, when they called for a volunteer to take the class, I decided to give it a shot. My, were they a bunch of well-behaved students! They were so quiet and attentive, I was really amazed and thankful. And they did understand me (at least I went as slowly as possible and asked many questions to ensure their understanding in which they responded so I assume they did). It's not about me anyway, but what the Holy Spirit does. Oh, and I had the longest autograph session all week in that class. I felt like a celebrity! LOL. But they're sooooooooo adorable! Geez. There was also a group of girls who asked for my favourite colour. After I left the class, they followed me and gave me an orange necklace. I was really touched. After all, they aren't exactly well-to-do yet they were so willing to just give something to a foreigner whom they've only met once. Aww... Totally sweet!

It was a long rest from lunchtime on. We hung around Firenzo Cafe (Pastor Mike's favourite place) just chilling. After which was a short time of sightseeing!

What better way to commemorate the green day than a shot with my favourite fruit!

Say cheese!

Ate Yen! We were asked to take this picture cos we look like those plants behind us - long and thin. So it's like a... Family photo.

Kuya Oliver was about to try something

Now we were gonna try something but as can be seen, it was a failed shot lol.

We did another one or two classes each in the early evening, and it was time for dessert at Chow King!

Waiting for our Halo Halo!

Then began the long, long ride back to Davao. It was nice, being able to talk to Charmaine and knowing more about each other's lives. Whoa, she's like super smart! Man. And I'd lose to her in every game except Tap Tap. Hmph.

And it was a great night in Jill's room, chatting, Monopoly Deal, SUPPER! :D :D

Philippines E-Camp Part 5 - Fight On (Tagum City, 11/08)

I decided to use the Cross magic trick that morning, as I figured that high school kids might want something more visual. Alina demonstrated it once, but I hadn't tried it out. That was the first time I'd be doing it in the classroom. I prayed fervently that it would all work out, that the colour of the water would change from dark to normal when I put the Cross in. And thank God, it did! Thank God for Beverly helping me too. But what encouraged me most was that someone texted Ate Abigael, thanking her for someone sharing about Jesus with her. Thank God for using weak vessels like us to bring the Good News to people...

We didn't have room-to-room opportunities at our second school. Instead, we could gather students and start sharing the Gospel with them. I was worried initially. In room-to-room evangelism, everyone would already be in the class ready to listen. But in group evangelism, I was afraid that no one would bother about me. Well I was wrong. I prayed for courage, and thank God for the opportunity to speak to 3 groups of students. It was really nice when students passed by in the midst of my sharing, and joined the group to listen. It was probably out of curiosity regarding this foreigner, but we can never underestimate the power of the Gospel. Thank God for the friendliness of the students and their willingness to listen.

Several of the students from my first group

Thank God for His grace and strength for the rest of the day. One of my evening classes was actually held in a garage. When Ate Melai was leading me to a class, I'd expected a normal classroom of students. When I realised that I'd be speaking to an all-guy class in a huge garage with lots of background noise of the guys working on their cars, I was a little apprehensive. But I knew that it wasn't about the audience or the venue or the conditions, it was about reaching out to the lost. Thank God that the place quietened down, for giving me the voice to battle the surroundings, for giving me ideas to tweak my illustrations to better appeal to the crowd, and for the students listening attentively.

I was just chatting with Alina while waiting for the rest of the team to be done, and we were talking about why we decided to go for the campaign. I was truly blessed by the sharing. It was really encouraging hearing about how she made the decision to go, how it was initially a mere promise but eventually became a sincere desire to serve God. It's remarkable, how God works in people's lives and changes their perceptions when there is a genuine willingness to honour Him. Even hearing about how Charmaine and Pearlyn decided to go, it's just amazing. It's so nice when people put aside their cares and concerns, their doubts and fears, to serve Him. I'm so thankful for them going, and I'm really glad I went!

On top of all that, it was a great rooming with Janice, Beverly and Jill for two nights. The times of talking and praying, having different roommates and getting to know Beverly so much better... It was really nice. Thank God for them! :)

Philippines E-Camp Part 4 - The Battle Begins (Tagum City, 10/08)

So began my very first preaching experience. That morning we hit the college, I thought that I would watch someone do it first. Who was to know, Ate Ingrid came up and told me, "Ruth, you'll be the first to speak." I was stunned for a moment but I did not have time to react, I was ushered into a classroom soon after. I was nervous, partly because Hwee Min was at the back watching me. But of course, the moment I was in the classroom, I had to start speaking. I asked the class if they knew Whitney Houston, and there was an initial silence. I thought to myself, "Oh no, this is a bad start." I prayed and asked God to help me, after which there was some response, enough for me to move on. And the Holy Spirit took over. To be honest, I wasn't that prepared. I didn't write an elaborate script like some of them did, I didn't rehearse like some of them did. But God just gave me words to speak, and the whole preaching went smoothly. Prior to that, I wondered if there would even be 5 people who would raise their hands.But thank God for the 29 out of 33 decisions made (I just had to take note of the numbers of my very first class). It was really not me who convinced anyone, but the Holy Spirit who worked and convicted.

Thank God for the rest of the day, where I began to loosen up. I would preach to 7 classes that day and earn the nickname "Robot", but I definitely hope that my preaching wasn't robotic. Only God knows. It was an exciting evening. It was raining, I was upping the volume of my voice, and by the time I did my third classroom, I thought that my voice was gonna go. After I left the room, I was so tired. I saw Hwee Min sitting down resting, so I joined her, thinking that we were gonna call it a day and just wait for the rest to be done. But shortly after, Ate Ingrid told us that there was one more classroom, so one of us had to take it. Hwee Min said that she was tired, so I, uh, got the hint. Lol. But you know, I've never regretted going into that classroom. It was one of the more memorable classes I took all week.

I'll admit, that I went into the classroom because I didn't really have a choice. After having done three classes, the last one was just another classroom for me. I was so tired, I kinda wanted to get it over and done with. Which was probably the cause for the slight struggle I faced with later on. Halfway through, I felt extremely tired, my voice was running, I was stressed as Kim Cheong and Hwee Min were at the back watching, and I was flustered as I was talking about us not having to pay for our sins anymore since Jesus has already paid for them, but the students didn't seem to get it. That was when I knew I really needed to pray and depend on the Holy Spirit. Thank God, for it got better after that. I was calmer, my voice held, and my tiredness seemed to go away.

Thank God for the class as well, they were a really friendly bunch of people. I probably stayed close to an hour in the classroom, they were asking me sooooo many questions. I was really blessed by them, their warmth and interest in a foreigner. They were really nice. And I guess I won't forget them asking me to sing a Singaporean song for them. Which I did, I sang the pledge, and believe it or not, I forgot the words to it halfway. Lol. But they were such wonderful people, I didn't feel embarrassed at all. I really enjoyed my time in the classroom. More importantly, thank God for the privilege to bring the Gospel to them. I don't know how many really accepted Christ, but God knows, and I believe He will continue to work in their hearts.

That was first day of preaching, and I remain amazed at how God enabled and empowered me. I was a totally different person in the classroom, I spoke in ways I never saw myself speaking before, and it is only by His doing. Of course, that was just the beginning, there would be more to come. Thank God for everything going smoothly, for the schools that allowed us to bring the Gospel in, for the friendliness of the students, for the preaching opportunities. :)

Philippines E-Camp Part 3 - Chillax Day, Durian Night (Davao, 09/08)

We were supposed to start preaching on Monday. For the new Singapore team, that is. But after taking a short afternoon to prepare for sharing the Gospel, news came that the schedule for the whole day had been cancelled. I was a little disappointed, cos part of me couldn't wait to start preaching! Not that I was prepared, but I was excited. Well, as Pastor Mike always says. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. It was a reminder that we should honour the Lord by taking a day off and not be too occupied with working. And thank God that we do not live by schedules. They change all the time. Thank God for flexibility!

It was a nice afternoon spent at a mall. I was a little sad that everyone else was busy purchasing loads of books (they're really cheap over there) while I had no money to get any (I ran out of money by the third day, believe me). But at the end, it was the fellowship that mattered! Ate Abi, Ate Ishie and Kuya Alfred came with us, so it was a great afternoon spent with them. Just sharing insights on books and sermons... It was really nice. Love my Filipino brothers and sisters! :)

Then came the horror of durian night. For me at least, I was one of the very few who wasn't too excited about the thought of durians. Especially after all the threats of having durian smeared over my face and stuffed into my nose, all I wanted to do was to hide somewhere when the durians were served. Lol! But with Kuya Alfred and some of the others egging me on to have some, I just had to be a sport. And yes, I ate durian! They call it the historic moment. *Cameras out* hahaha.

Jill and I were so proud of ourselves that night. And there's Kuya Alfred looking extremely triumphant.

Whoever took this shot, it looks kinda hilarious.

Ate Abi and Ate Din, eager to celebrate my "Durian Moment"

Davao's durians aren't as bad as Singapore's I guess, at the very least they don't smell like exhaust fumes. I'm no durian-lover still, but... Those at Davao aren't that bad I'd say. And of course, it was all in the name of fun. I had a great night! :) :)

Okay it seems like I'm going on and on about random stuff on the trip. Cos the main course never comes at the start! Hohoho. Check back for more!

Philippines E-Camp Part 2 - Day at GPCM (Davao, 08/08)

It was our first Sunday at Growpoint Church Ministry. It was really cool, they have this Sunday school whereby different groups (students, working professionals, etc.) will gather for a time of teaching and sharing. Seeing that I was the only student there (the other 4 ladies are working), I was initially a little worried that I wouldn't be able to fit in. But I soon realised that my worries were unfounded. Everyone was really, really friendly. I felt so at home with them! And thank God for using Ate Melai to conduct a great session on Confession. It really spoke to me.

I was really blessed by the people there. GPCM isn't a big church. In fact, it's really small. There was perhaps a mere 30 people during the Worship service. They didn't have a choir, they didn't have elaborate musical instruments. But they had a heart of worship. It was such a blessing seeing the joyful faces as they sang their hearts out for the Lord. These brothers and sisters, they're so thankful just to be able to worship God. It wasn't about the songs, it wasn't about the skills, it wasn't about anything else, it was about God. I was rebuked on the attitude I take towards worship sometimes. And I'm just so encouraged by our Filipino brethren.

It was another relaxing day, with the arrival of the Bohol team, fellowship with the GPCM-ians, hanging out at the mall, and more fellowship in the evening.

Ate Ishie!

Ate Kakai, Ate Abi, Ate Ishie

Ate Ishie, Ate Ethel, Ate Kakai

Dinner!

Random group shot
I'd never thought that I'd be able to get along so well with the Filipino brethren. I thank God for their warmth and hospitality. Back in Singapore, I'd never leave my seat to extend a hand to someone before service. But it was different over there. We were all so happy to be in the place of God. Well maybe it's just me, but I still wanna thank God for them making me feel so comfortable, so welcome, so at home. It's just so easy to approach them, to talk to them, and I'm thankful that God allowed me to meet every single one of them. I've been blessed by some of their testimonies, and it was just wonderful getting to know them better, hearing about their life stories. It's a tremendous encouragement looking at them serve God with great joy and passion. I believe that God will continue to use them mightily for His glory. I miss you guys...

Philippines Evangelistic Campaign 2010

2119 preaching opportunities

109504 people heard the Gospel

71844 people made decisions for Christ

How great is our God!

It's high time I begin penning down my thoughts on this amazing experience. Honestly, words aren't enough to describe the whole process. I've seen and learnt so much, I'm just overwhelmed. God is just SO good. Bear with me, here goes.

Philippines E-Camp Part 1 - Welcome to Davao! (Davao, 07/08)

We're good to go!

The day finally arrived for us to depart for the Philippines. I was so excited! And it was my first time travelling with such a small group of people, so it was really nice, just to be able to get to know them better. Pearlyn is one interesting lady, I'm telling you. How will we ever forget that four of our check-in bags added up to 26kg, while hers alone was 13kg! Apparently, she brought a pot, flask, pillows, bedsheets, limes... You name it, she brought it. But hey I'm not complaining, they came in handy for us. Pearlyn's Pantry! Lol. That aside, it was a nice, turbulent flight to Manila, and then to Davao. Yeah, they had a good laugh seeing me so scared. But well, it was still fun. We landed safely in Davao and received a warm welcome from Pastor Renz, Ate Melai and Jenray. Thank God for their hospitality! It was a nice time of fellowship over dinner. Yummy chicken and fish!

There wasn't much to do, so it was a relaxing first night there. The pension house was great! Considering that it's a mission trip we went for, I must say that we were treated quite well. It was no posh hotel, but it was so good. Although I nearly died in the cold water, it was just for a night. Lol. Three cheers for the BS Inn! :)

Check back for more updates!

It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.

Confucius

I don't study Confucianism. This quote hangs above the escalator to the NS line at Dhoby Ghaut. I see it every Wednesday night after Street E, and I'm encouraged by it each time. It's been a step by step progression for me all this while. I never saw myself doing this a couple months back, nor did I imagine that I'd even be willing to do it. But thank God for His provision, and for the encouragement of so many around me. I was amazed just now, and it could only have been His empowerment. Of course, I still have so much to learn. Greater things will come, if I'm only willing to try, and trust.

Thank God for Street E tonight. I was really encouraged. So were the rest, I believe. It just goes to show that He is always faithful. When things got discouraging along the way, when all we met with were closed doors... Thank God for leading us to the one who was ready to hear His Word. It was a wonderful moment. Thank God for working in her heart, thank God for her humility, thank God for her simple yet sincere prayer for forgiveness. Pray that she'll come by this Sunday, and that she'll experience the true joy of knowing the Lord.

I don't know what's going to happen after the trip. But it shouldn't be the end. More challenges lie ahead. Which I can only overcome in His strength.

Meanwhile, it's time to get cracking.

Time, it makes what has happened on hindsight so amazing.
Who would have thought that one of the kids I mentored 5 years ago would be the Chairperson of DHSCO today. Wow. Wow... And I'm still waiting, for the day when the successor to MY throne comes from my section. It's been 5 years now.
Pardon me, but I've been thinking a lot on the past lately. All thanks to the show No Limits, which has to fuse swimming and music together to evoke those memories. Or may I say regrets. All the while, I wanted the medals but I didn't want to train. I ended up with just one. I wanted the distinctions but I didn't want to practise. I ended up not completing my Grade 8 at all, for both. I wanted the results but I didn't want to study. I ended up where I am today. Well maybe I could feel proud of what I've accomplished with the Dizi. But not like I'm getting opportunities in the present anyway. What's there to speak of now? Well, thank God. It's a reminder that the glorious days of me have been replaced by the glorious days of Christ. It's really not about me anymore, never should have been. Rather, it's about what God can do through this weak, helpless being with nothing to my name. It's a long, long road ahead and at the end of it, all those things that I've mentioned, they don't matter.
Alright, it's time to get back to the present.
God has been good. What was an almost traumatic experience resulted in great insights gained on several aspects I've never really been clear of. Thank God for you guys patiently answering my questions. I'm humbled by the fact that there're so many things I don't know. I've got to really delve deep... Thank God for Street-E. I've been trying to progress bit by bit, and I got to share the whole Gospel for the first time on Wednesday. Amidst stuttering and stammering and lots of dead air. Trust me, I was so nervous I forgot John 3: 16. But thank God for His empowerment and grace, and thank God for all the people He has sent to encourage me. Oh, not forgetting the trio we shared to last Sunday. This Sunday, 2 of them were back there. And they accepted Christ! Praise the Lord! :)
It's about 2 weeks before I leave for the Philippines. I can't say I'm prepared. But it's gonna be so exciting.
And time, it seems to be pulling me too quickly now.

The week was a dramatic one. Part 2 of practicum was great. That aside, all my activities seemed to collide together in a week. It was kind of a mad rush throughout, settling matters and going places. Tiring, but... Fulfilling, in a sense.

The week in school was a wonderful experience for me. It wasn't fun like last week, but I've definitely seen and learnt a lot more. To me, it was "fun" in a different manner. Last week was honeymoon, this week was reality. The real deal, the kind of environment and people that will be a major part of my life for years and years to come. It was good that I could have an exposure. Perhaps I enjoyed it as I was merely dealing with everything from a spectator's point of view. I probably wouldn't have found it much fun if I were the one having to handle all of that. But it was indeed an eye-opener for me.

I could say that I've been from elite environments practically all my life. From primary school to JC, coming from a family of high achievers... Having seen all that, it was a culture shock. But I realised, that's where the realness of life comes in. It's high time for me to step out of my comfort zone and really take a look at what's out there. Cos I'm not gonna be sheltered all my life. I can shy away from it, or I can walk out and attempt to do something. It's not gonna be easy, especially after I'd seen my limitations. But it will be exciting. When God sees you to it, He will see you through it. I'll keep learning, I'll keep trying.

Of course there were the funny moments too. How I'd laugh so hard during class till I tear-ed, yet had to try so hard to suppress my laughter to maintain my professional image (a few students noticed though), how a class said, "Thank you Ms Desk!" at the end of a lesson in perfect harmony thus amusing me to no end, how an English class almost became a Music lesson, how we'd have so many hours to kill in the staffroom and the 3 of us would be doing any random possible thing while everyone else was busy marking or preparing lesson plans (imagine someone watching videos and another knitting on a table so near the door that everyone walks past).

And how could I forget, the day when the school was so understaffed due to teachers leaving for Oral examinations, they actually had to ask an ignorant Year 1 aka me to take a class for CME. It was a disaster through and through. Thank God Premani was with me! Though she decided to go out of the class to scold a few students, leaving me trying to handle the students. It was an ultimate phail, no one listened to me at all. It was fun talking to them in groups though. And thank God they did what they were supposed to do and handed it in. That was what mattered, so I didn't really care that they were making so much noise and walking all around. Heh. Oh, and something so hilarious happened from this, it led the other trainees to conclude that I might have camouflaged into a student (somehow) and the students probably thought that I was one of their friends. LOL!!!! But anyway, lesson learnt - never enter a class smiling.

I miss the few days spent there. Though I'll be back again next year, it's gonna be so different. Ruth reminded me that I'm gonna be alone for 5 weeks! It should have occurred to me, seeing that I was the only Year 1 posted there this year, I'll naturally be the only Year 2 next year. Please post some Year 3s there! Oh well, I'll think about that next year. I just thank God for a great week, for all that I've seen and learnt. Thank God for the SCM, for the CTs, for the trainees, for every single staffroom and classroom moment. Thank God for the experience! :)

As 1T1 would say it, "Awesome!"

A friendship of 4 years and counting...

I've said this so many times, but on this special day of yours, I'm gonna say it again. I thank God for you. As I look back, I still find it amazing, how God allowed our paths to cross and we eventually became great friends. I remember you saying to me once, "Somehow God told me to help that brat behind me." You know, funny as it sounds, that probably was the reason I was seated behind you in class 4 years ago. You've certainly helped me in many ways (beyond my Chemistry file). You've been a wonderful testimony, an encouragement, a listener, an advisor. Be it nonsensical or serious stuff, I can share it all with you. Thank God for you being in my life, for being someone I can share so much with, stuff that I don't share with the people around me. Thank you for being there for me, for encouraging me with God's Word, for sharing in my joys and pains, for talking nonsense with me, for hanging out with me. Most importantly, thank God for having placed you in my life to point me to Him. It took me 2 years, but as they say, it only takes a spark to get a fire going. So once again, thank God, and thank you. :)

Blessed Birthday, my Killer friend! :)

Here's to all the years we've shared together

All the fun we've had

You're such a blessing

Such a joy in my life

May the good Lord bless you

And may all your dreams come true

Indeed, that was pretty apt.

ps. I just had to use that picture. We probably look like houseflies, but doesn't it bring back memories! Lol.

Week 1 of my practicum at Temasek Primary is over, and thank God, it was great. Thank God for the school, the students, the staff, and the trainees. The students there are generally obedient, not to mention funny and adorable! Their little antics really brought to mind all the childish "stunts" that we used to do ourselves. The staff there are really helpful and approachable and of course, thank God for such a wonderful SCM, coordinating and arranging everything for us so well. Thank God for my fellow trainees as well, it made things easier that I knew Jocelyn and Serene beforehand. There were 7 of us (made up of Year 1s, Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers) in the morning session, so it was really great being able to interact with all of them.

I like it that each Year 1 was paired with a senior trainee (Year 3 of Dip Ed-er), so that there would be at least one person for me to talk to even if my timetable differed from everyone else's. Also, it made lessons less boring as well, to have someone to converse (secretly) with during observations! The bad thing was that Alvan, my partner, decided to be on MC for the first two days, so I was all alone on the first day. Thankfully, I got to follow Amelia on the second day, so it wasn't too bad. And Alvan finally came back on the third day, was nice getting to know him better, and to have someone provide the timetable for me lol! :p

Lesson observations passed really quickly. After all, each period in Primary school's only half an hour, and we only had to observe a few lessons per day. I had a fruitful time learning classroom management techniques. Even though they don't really apply to me since I'm in the Secondary track, it was still a good experience. And I was entertained by the kids as well, they're just so hilarious sometimes. The little things they do in class, their nonsensical excuses (which we used in the past) to get out of handing in homework, them turning around periodically to look at us seated at the back... Oh, and I love it when students bow and greet me along the corridors! I really wasn't used to it, but it was so cute of them! Lol.

I especially love the times spent in the staff room, which they call the penthouse (the teachers' common staff room is called the HDB flat, and the HOD office is called the landed property) lol. Since the other teachers located there were all in the afternoon session and there were 7 of us in the morning, we practically had the whole room to ourselves. I really enjoyed our chatting sessions, since we really had nothing to do outside of lessons. Well, the Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers did have stuff to do but they were often chatting with us as well. Thank God for allowing me to get to know the other trainees better, and for several meaningful sharings. And I realised once again how small the world is. Daniel and Alvan were from Tao Nan, and Alvan and Amelia were from Dunman High! But they're 2, 3 years my seniors, explains why I didn't see them around.

I had a little shock on the last day when Mr Fadly all of a sudden asked me to take over the class and teach for a little while. Technically, we weren't supposed to do that. But he said he wanted me to have an experience since it was my last day. So before I knew it, I was teaching problem sums to a class of P4s. It was a cool experience, thank God they responded to my questions. I probably made a few mistakes, but I'm thankful I made them now instead of during the actual Teaching Assistantship which will take place 2 years later. So thank God for the short time of practice!

I'd only spent 4 days there, but those were fun, enjoyable days and I really miss the school now! I miss taking the bus at 6.41am every morning with Amelia, observing a bunch of cute kids from the back, having obedient kids greet me along the corridors, having someone go to class with me all the time, the chatting/stoning/reading times in the penthouse, slacking in the canteen with the other trainees... I just miss the times spent in the school! And I really miss the seniors. Amelia said to me yesterday before she went for her meeting, "Hey, we might never see each other again. So I'll say goodbye first." Man... That was so sad. Well, hopefully we'll see one another again in school somehow!

To the Year 3s and Dip Ed-ers who'll be spending another month there, all the best for the observation by the supervisor! You guys can do it! And to the Year 1s who're all headed to different Secondary schools next week, let's try to enjoy ourselves. For most of us, we're in the Secondary track, so that's where we're ultimately going. And we'll be back there next year for a whole 5 weeks, so yeah, let's try to like our new environments! :)

Thank God once again for the awesome experience at Temasek Primary. I really like it there, I miss those days that had just passed, and I'm sad that I'm never going back there again. But well... It's time to move on.

Next stop, the school beside the reservoir.

Ignorance is bliss.

But curiosity killed the cat.

I was like, troubled the whole night and decided to sleep on it. I was awakened from my nap shortly after by a knock on the door. I chose to say "I'm tired", shrugged it off, and went back to slumber. Somehow I had a dream regarding that. I can't remember what happened, but it was sad. I woke up feeling confused and lonely. I opened my room door, went outside, and saw a welcoming sight. :)

The world does deal us with so many problems. After facing all of that, all we want to do is just go back into the company of our loved ones. Just being by their side, hearing their voices... It's so comforting.

Sometimes, I realise how I've been taking the people around me for granted and I feel bad, I tell myself not to do it again. But I still do. I'm just so easily affected by the little things. But I'm trying, to be a better daughter, a better cousin, a better friend, a person that loves and cares, by His grace. Lord, help me, and help me to be wholly surrendered, fully dependent upon You.

Thank God for all that He has given me. Thank God that when all else fails, He never fails, when all things change, He doesn't change.

I do keep many things to myself, for many reasons. But even when no one seems to know, when no one seems to care, when no one seems to understand, God does. Thank You, Lord. :)

I was upset the whole of yesterday, I was upset today, and will probably be everytime I'm reminded of it for the next one year. Just because of one simple thing that I didn't do, I've given myself an additional, unnecessary, to an extent painful burden for a whole period of 4 months. I feel extremely frustrated within me. If only, if only... But what's the use of saying all that now? We can't turn back time. All I can say is, lesson learnt, the hard way.

I wanna thank God. I felt terrible yesterday morning, I couldn't believe they had to call me all the way back just to deliver a one-sentence verdict that could have easily been conveyed through email. I was just... Annoyed, sad, angry at myself. The heavy rain didn't help. But thank God, I was comforted just knowing that He's always here for me. I didn't feel like talking about it. But I can just commit it all to Him. Because He's still in control, and He'll see me through this mess.

Alright, my breakfast is here. As you can see, I'm up bright and early to prepare for service.

Nah, I haven't slept. Basically, I had a night of fun activities. Midnight swimming, followed by Wii at my place, till the wee (hahaha) hours in the morning. My cousins left my place about 2 hours ago, after which I decided to do my own stuff and before I knew it... Well, I might as well not go to sleep since I've technically got to be up in less than an hour's time.

You know, it doesn't take much to make kids happy. Just tell them that you're gonna sit outside with them and they go, "yay!" Yet sometimes I'd be so preoccupied with my own stuff that I wouldn't think twice about the "kids' stuff". I thank God for my cousins, really. I had so much fun with them this holiday, I'm just so thankful for the time we could spend together. To y'all, PRESS ON AT SCHOOL!

And I had a great day with you girls. :)

Who can forget the quote of the day?

"Hey, I can't find Taka. I'm outside Kino now." (Yes, our dear Cristal was referring to the Kino INSIDE Taka.) LOL!

Praise the Lord, I'm going to the Philippines!!!!!! Although it's only for a week, I'm extremely thankful, and I'm extremely happy. Thank God for opening the doors to a wonderful opportunity to take a look at the harvest out there! :)

I'd been praying fervently the past few days after my mum said no for the first two times. I'd wanted to ask her last night but I didn't have the chance to. I had to ask by tonight, cos they're gonna book the tickets tomorrow. I prayed and I prayed, until I received a text from Cheryl saying that she was gonna ask soon. I thought that I'd ask too, so I prayed a little more and went to ask.

I thank God for the conversation with my mum. Prior to that I'd been praying that God would soften her heart. And He did. Her tone wasn't as harsh as last week, and she didn't bring in the other issues she did the last time to stop me from going. Thank God for giving me the patience as well, to talk nicely with my mum. Cos yeah, the first time didn't go well. Her response at the end of it was that I could go if I wanted to, but her answer would still be no, she wasn't gonna support my decision cos she maintained that it'd be dangerous. I was left confused after that, I didn't know what I should do. I wanted to go, but I wanted my mum's support, and I wasn't gonna get it at that time.

Apparently Cheryl's mum gave the exact same response. And Cheryl said that she was going ahead to book the ticket. I thought to myself, hey, I can do the same thing too! But somehow I just didn't have the peace. I prayed, I asked for advice, and Cheryl suggested asking Hwee Min to speak to my mum to assure her of the safety, since she'd been there 5 times. I asked my mum if she wanted to speak to her, but she said there wasn't a need to, it's just dangerous. So, that was out for me.

Amidst my moments of dilemma, somehow a thought came to me, that perhaps I could ask my mum to let me go for one week instead (I'd been asking her if I could go for two weeks). I went to my mum's room for a third time (by then I thought that she'd have yelled at me for bugging her incessantly) and asked. And she replied immediately, "Okay, when are you going?" I really couldn't believe that. Seriously, thank God, that's all I can say.

Thank God for working in my mum's heart and making a way for me to go. Thank God for everyone's prayers (really, really appreciate them) and reminders to have faith. I admit, I grew doubtful along the way but thank God for these two words that I've been seeing the past few days. Indeed, God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3: 20

Keep praying for Cheryl, that she'll be able to go with her mum's blessings. Thank God for how He has been working in her life! :)

Now, it's gonna be exciting. Seeing that I've never even shared the Gospel before, let alone share it to a large group of people. I guess, that it's time to go for St. E!

I was really disappointed. The matter has been on my mind for the past 5 days, I've been praying about it, and I really wanted to hear a "yes". But the answer was otherwise.

An answer that has always come up the first time I'd ask my mum about an overseas trip. Subsequently, it would be a "yes". But I really don't know about this time. My mum's firm about it. It certainly doesn't look like she's about to change her mind anytime soon. And I've only got another 2 days to ask her again.

But I guess it wasn't just her answer that frustrated me. Rather, it was what she said, and what my dad said. It hurts to see someone supposedly on one level thinking on another level. And it hurts when external factors that have got nothing to do with the matter are brought in to be a control over me.

Then again... I've just been brought into the shoes of many people. What used to be so easy for me, is now a whole new ball game altogether. Do I continue to trust, or do I accept it as it is? Do I wait, or do I go on hoping for my way?

As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

Psalm 18: 30

God's plan for me is perfect. Even if I don't think it is, even if it's not what I want, even if I insist on having my way. I'm still praying. If it's God's will for me, He will definitely make a way. If it's not, it's not for me to try and break down doors, but to trust Him for what He has in store for me.

When all things are beyond my control, Lord, You're still in control. Help me to give thanks to You in all circumstances and to trust and be satisfied in Your plan for me. May Your will be done.

Thank God for the church camp, my first one. I can't compare it to last year's, seeing that I didn't even consider going for that. People have been saying that it's different this year, fewer bonding activities, fewer places to go to, fewer things to be occupied with. I guess it's a little different from the usual camps I've been to. The fact that the withdrawal symptoms weren't that strong (but I still miss the camp), the fact that there seemed to be an absence in the emotional highs, the fact that there didn't seem to be a point in time we all felt connected together. Despite all this, I still feel that it was an amazing camp. I've definitely been blessed by it.

Perhaps sometimes, it's not about the strong surge of emotions or a spiritual high from an altar call but how God has been speaking and working and changing people. As Pastor Jaspers said, change should be constant in a Christian's life. I believe God has spoken to many of us during the camp. He really spoke to me during the sermons on the second and third night, as well as through the testimonies. He has shown me how lightly I've been treating the matter of my parents' salvation, how I've allowed anger and bitterness to reside in me all these years, how I've been treating and even hurting the people dearest to me, how I've been fumbling in my walk with Him, how I've just been grieving the Holy Spirit. It's hard. But it has to be a constant cry-out for strength, for humility. And of course, the willingness to surrender and to depend.

I do miss the camp. The very first day when nearly everything in our room seemed to be faulty and no one really bothered despite us calling the hotel staff at least 4 times, getting up all sleepy each morning for breakfast, going for sermons twice a day, gathering at night to worship, share and pray and knowing people better as a result (I really love those sessions), supper with random people and how Joel drove us out on the last night, worshiping and praying (illegally) in the children's pool, getting squashed terribly on the havoc train, playing with the kids on durian night (and almost getting torn into two lol), the late-night chatting sessions even though we knew we had to get up early the next day (my dear roommates took turns to make me talk to the air each night)... Really, thank God for an awesome camp. :)

Well, thank God for my results too. It's a long story, but whatever it is, God has been so gracious. And I've been so un-thankful, lamenting so much about that one bad grade that I got, overlooking the other grades that God has given me. I've got close to zero chance for the appeal, but it's a reminder to really trust Him, and to give thanks to Him in all circumstances.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Now, it's time to make some decisions.

Keep praying.

Tears relieve the burning brain, as a shower in the electric clouds. Tears discharge the insupportable agony of the heart, as an overflow lessens the pressure of the flood against the dam. Tears are the material out of which Heaven weaves its brightest rainbow.

F.B. Meyer

This is so beautiful.

It's 4 more days to church camp!

Wait, I haven't told my parents about it.

Whoops.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4: 1 - 3

Recently, I've found myself annoyed and impatient with people and things around me. Maybe today especially. There were so many thoughts running through my head, as though I'd been engulfed by a sudden surge of unhappiness from the past and present.

"Why are these people demanding so much of my energy?"

"Why are these people only able to think for themselves?"

"Why are these people bothering me like there's no tomorrow?"

"Why can't these people be a little more understanding?"

It's so easy to say, "These people are so annoying", but not so to be the one thinking less of me, myself and I and the so-called "hurt" that these people have inflicted on ME, and more of, well, these people. I guess, that these verses came timely. Why let such little things strain my relationships? After all, God doesn't love us for what we do but for who He is. Shouldn't we show forth His goodness, His grace, His love...

They always say, that we can't control our circumstances, but we can control our response to them. We can't control others' attitudes and behaviour, but we can control our attitude and behaviour. Grant me the love, humility, patience, understanding. Through reading the Word, through prayer. These I haven't been consistent with the past few weeks. The next few weeks, they'll go one way or the other.

You either start now, or you say later and you never start.

Lord, I really need You.

Verdant Dreams 2010, the first Woodwind and Percussion concert DHSCO has organised, the first Woodwind and Percussion concert held by a secondary school at an external concert hall (according to Mr Tay). 5 years back, this was what my batch had wanted to do, holding our very own Woodwind and Percussion concert in the school auditorium. We decided on a couple of songs, we came up with a rough poster design, but it never came to pass. It's just wonderful that after all these years, our dream's finally fulfilled! That already broke new grounds, and I'm extremely proud of what DHSCO has achieved.

I guess the sweetest thing for me each time I go back for DHSCO concerts, besides the onstage glamour and adrenaline rush, is the growth of not only the orchestra but also the individual members. It's pretty amazing, how we never used to believe in non-musical "gimmicks", but it has changed now. Why not? As long as the music standard isn't compromised, bringing little elements of fun onto the stage is always a joy for the performers and audience. And of course, it's always a beautiful sight looking at how the juniors blossom year after year, from timid little kids who were afraid even to play, to performers who're able to really let go and move with the music. I was talking to this junior yesterday, and she mentioned the East Zone Primary Schools camp where she was a mere Primary 4 kid and I was her student leader. Now, she's already in Year 3 and we're performing on the same stage! DHSCO just unites us in different ways, heh.

This concert's indeed one of the more fun and memorable ones, and it touched me in a different way. Perhaps it's a dream come true for the Woodwind and Percussion Ensemble, perhaps it's the pride of seeing the juniors grow, perhaps it's the delight in seeing long-lost seniors back again, perhaps it was simply the encore that saw Year 2 students all the way to working adults performing on the same stage. It's always nostalgic going back, and this time it was no different. Thank God for DHSCO, and the honour of being a part of this. :)

It has been the fastest 4 months that could ever pass. It seemed like just yesterday that I stepped into school, filled with uncertainty as to what the new semester would bring. And before I knew it, my first year has come to a close. Wow, wow! Talk about time flying... Hee.

This semester, it has been great. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning, but I guess we were soon thrown into the frenzy of academia before we even took ten breaths of the air around us. Haha alright maybe it wasn't all too bad at the beginning when time was still slow and we could afford to play our breaks away. Those were the times that SCARCZ could still meet up relatively often. Speaking of which, thank God for this absolutely wonderful group of friends. It's been awesome getting to know you folks better over the semester, been great hanging out with you all too! And thank God for allowing me to get to know other people so much better as well. Including my English-Math buddies whom I never thought existed last semester hahaha. I honestly thought that there were only 3 people who took this combi! Haha.

So after the initial honeymoon period, the semester got crazier, and crazier, and crazier. Time never felt so tight, and I'd never felt that stressed. Those times when it was deadline after deadline and knowing my character, I was just rushing, rushing and rushing. Until my body couldn't take it anymore and it protested. That was such a wrong breakdown time, the battle wasn't even half over. But thank God for His grace that sustained me, and for the people around me!

It wasn't easy. So often I struggled, especially since I skipped lessons like nobody's business last semester and just attending lessons was kind of a tall order. But I tried, and by God's grace, I kinda succeeded! (Yeah, there was a number of times I overslept and missed my lessons, and that occurred more frequently during the second term heehee.) I really thank God for His showers of blessings over the semester, be it friends, grades... Thank God for His grace and strength, I'd never have survived the sem without Him. Especially towards the end when it got real tough and so many times I wanted to just give up, thank God for the constant encouragement from the people around me. Calvin and his wise words (no wonder he's our Uncle Calvin hahaha hey that's a compliment), Charlotte and Amantha my study companions who encouraged me so much too, Sarah and her constant nagging for me to study and do my work hahaha, and Zenn for always being sooooo sweet and entertaining! Not to mention my beloved brothers and sisters-in-Christ who've been encouraging me and keeping me in prayer. Awww. Thank God for all of you! :)

The semester ended in a nightmare, but I really couldn't ask for more. It's all in His hands... Thank God for having seen me through the 4 months. Thank God for the highs, the lows, every single lesson He has taught me, every single person I've got to know. Thank God for the whole of year one!

And thank God for everyone's prayers over the days I was sick. The last time my fever hit 40 was... 10 years ago? Haha. Wasn't a good few days but I guess I've somehow repaid my sleep debt. Thank God for the rest. Still feeling spineless, but I'll be out of my house soon!

Thank You.