I've been feeling indignant. My timetable's... Screwed up. My lessons are short, my days are long. I'm separated from friends, even acquaintances, and thrown into a sea of unfamiliar faces. My timings clash with everyone else's. The modules are getting so tough I don't even know what I'm learning and I can't do anything about it. The deadlines and tests come gushing in without stopping. Not even a one-week break, and there's two months to go. I feel that people are talking too much and listening too little. Pushing too hard... To say it the best I can, I'm fed-up.
But God has been speaking to me and teaching me lessons. Sunday's sermon talked about the Cherith experience. The take-home point? The brook that provided Elijah with water dried up. I enjoyed going to school last semester. I hung out with those close friends everyday. They were always just there. I guess I had so much fun in school, I didn't feel like I needed to spend time with Him. Which actually explains my spiritual downness at that time. Well, it's a different story now. I believe God wants to give us gifts. But when the gift takes our eyes off the Giver, He takes it away.
Someone shared recently, that God doesn't take away our comforts to make us uncomfortable, but to shift our dependence onto Him. It's been a tough period. And I can't seem to talk to anyone about it. But each night as I lie in bed all lonely and miserable, I'm just so thankful that there's Someone I can talk to anytime, anywhere, on anything. It shows me how much I need Him, and how much He loves me.
On a side note... That was such a struggle. I was sure it wouldn't turn out well. I prayed not for a good grade, but for a thankful heart despite a bad grade. You gave me a good grade. I didn't see it coming, I don't think I deserve it. But once again, Your grace still amazes me. Humble me, and allow me to give You all the glory. Because based on my own efforts, it's impossible.
I just want to draw near to You.
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