The concert was good. An almost full-house audience (when only 300 out of 800 tickets had been sold last Sunday), roaring applause, encore shouts, positive response from friends who came down. But I admit, I was falling asleep on stage. The feeling of performing in a professional orchestra and performing in a school orchestra's just different. To me, that is. I knew that after this concert, most would pack up, take their bags, leave. Unlike after a school concert, everyone has to stay back to clear any rubbish, everyone has to wait for instructions before we're allowed to leave. Also, for the next CCO concert, there'll be many new faces, whether as newcomers or replacements. Whereas a school orchestra performs together for every concert, as one orchestra with the same people. To put it simply, there's no existing bond in the former. And sometimes, the more professional one gets, the more likely he/she will focus excessively on individual technique, neglecting the orchestra, forgetting the beauty when music is simply played from the heart. I've never really thought much about this the past few concerts with CCO, perhaps due to the initial excitement of "Wow, I'm performing alongside my teacher!" and whatnot. But after 6 years of performing with different people, different types of people, different groups of people, I've come to realise where I'll enjoy myself most - Not just on stage, but on stage with one aim, one sound.


My long-winded thoughts aside, I was rather annoyed that we had a three and a half hour break from after our rehearsal ended to the concert time. What were we gonna do for such a long time? They could have told us to come later. I actually half thought of hopping over for Vibe! Haha. I wonder how I spent that time, part of it was spent with Beverly, circling around the backstage 65038192653478 times, invading the Xian Yue area to disturb Youbao and Melody each time before deciding to sit down and chat with them lol. Another interesting thing. I think the female singers probably spent the entire afternoon doing their make-up, cos each time they changed their dresses, they'd change the colours of their eyeshadow. One of them had a different coloured shawl for each item, and the other had shoes with LIGHTS. Debbie and I had to keep reminding ourselves not to laugh on stage LOL!


I'm feeling a little... Lost. A friend told me that I'm giving myself a big headache over a small matter. She doesn't see it as a difficult decision. Well perhaps it isn't, but it is for me. Cos I'm not a mind person, I have an indecisive nature, I don't wish to possibly disappoint anyone. Fact is I simply hate making decisions. I'll choose to run away and throw dillemas out of my mind to stick to the status quo. I don't know why I'm thinking of it now, but, I still don't know what to do. And, maybe I'm indeed just causing trouble for myself.


It's not what I do, but what God does.


Guide me.