This will be long.


So the long-awaited (dreaded, rather) moment arrived at 2.30pm today. Thanks all for the well wishes and those who sounded more excited than myself (Zilu msging me from the UK a few days ago, Jolie's msg in CAPS, juniors being so excited for I don't know what reason lol). Well the past few days were pretty normal, no worries, no nightmares, all the way till this afternoon when I stepped into the canteen. Right on the plasma screen was printed H1 Biology, 95.7% pass, one person got S. I started feeling a little uncomfortable, cos we all know I've been failing my Bio, very badly at that.


Fast forward to us seated in the hall, Mr Chan with his short, sharp, sweet speech, announcement of top students, VALERIE CHAN. More on that later. Yep though I wasn't worrying my days away, at times I'd picture myself not daring to look at my result slip. And yeah, I began to feel rather afraid just now. What if I really failed my A's, what if all I had were D's, E's and Ses, what if, what if, what if... When it was finally my turn to collect my stuff, I was wondering how I'd react. Didn't help that Mr Lim took a thousand years sorting out Amelia, Huijin's and my stuff. When he handed me my result slip, I really didn't want to look but I just glanced and, wow. Erm, not WOW, I wasn't ecstatic, I was just thankful, very, very thankful.


For those who've been asking and maybe I forgot to tell you, got BCCC and B for GP. Nowhere near stellar but I'm really, really thankful and honestly, I could not ask for more. That B for GP's already so alarming, plus I've never passed my bio and chem in my life and for math other than once, I've failed the rest. It's just so unbelievable. Prior to today I haven't dared to even expect anything, let alone wish for any A's. When I gave thanks during Uth, I could only say like one sentence but I've got SO MUCH to be thankful for. And I just can't thank God enough. I mean, I know that I've slacked away two years in JC, I know how much I struggled to catch up but failed and almost gave up, I know how much of a last-minute person I am, I know how much I love to sleep, I know how many topics I threw away, I know how much effort I put in. A levels were tough, I really couldn't have survived it on my own strength. And it's purely God's grace and only His grace that I got these results. THANK GOD!!!!!!


Was talking to a couple of teachers in school, and I felt so touched, especially when Mr Teo talked to me. He asked me how I felt about getting a C for math, then went on to apologise that it's his fault, he could have helped me get at least a B. I felt so, so guilty upon hearing that and I was trying to say it's my own fault but he just insisted that it's his fault as well and yeah... Felt so bad. Ah Mr Teo's so nice! Mr Fong talked to me too and I was feeling smug about it (that's the VP, I'm such a big shot, he remembers my name!). HAHA nah cos he was my mentor back at DHS and as usual, he was nice and encouraging. Talked to a few more teachers after that, Mr Chua, Ms Meta, Mrs Lim, who was really funny, how she worried that the S for bio was me and how happy she was when she saw that I got a C HAHAHA!


My dad asked me if I'm satisfied with my results to which I said yes, and he was quite shocked. Aye I don't know what does he expect as well, when I got back my prelim results, he was so sure the best grades I'd get for the A levels were D's. And when I've got above D's, he goes on to say, "See, if you'd put in effort, you'd have gotten A's." Ha. Ha. I don't deny I used to have that mentality, when I got back my O's results. I felt a tinge of indignance, like, if only I'd worked harder for this subject, if only my english were better, if only I weren't so careless for E Math, if only.............. I'd have done so much better! All the way till sometime last year when I was thinking, if I put in effort, I'll be able to do well. But now, no more of this. I don't want to think of the "if onlys", because it's done. My dad asked if I could have done better, and I said no. A definite no. As Valerie said, it's all in God's plans. You can prepare so much for a Literature paper and on the day itself, forget to write the question number *cough*. What's most important, is to really depend on Him.


On the bus home from church, I started tear-ing, was so touched by the people around me. And of course, was just so thankful, that God is good, God is so good, and I don't even deserve it. I must've looked quite mad sobbing away, thankfully there weren't many people haha. But yeah I kinda dreaded people asking for my results, I thought I'd actually yell at anyone who called but today, I was extremely touched. Zilu calling me all the way from the UK, my cousins calling, and everyone else's genuine care. Thank God for these people, thank God for my really good friends.


Ha the moment I entered the toilet when I got home, I just cried. It was a mixture of emotions. Moved, thankful, at the same time... Tired by all the comparison. Oh well I should be used to this, seeing that comparison is one of the Toh family traits. But sometimes it's just so tiring hearing the same thing over and over again. "So, all your friends got A's and you didn't, right? What do you want to do Social Science for, it's a dumping ground!" (Doesn't this sound familiar) Sigh.


Let's talk about happier stuff. Indeed, everyone did very well and I'm so happy for all of you! KILLER!!!!! Was so touched when you told me you were worried for me as well. But I wasn't worried for you, I just knew you'll do extremely well, and you did! I'm SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! Yeah, it's all God's grace.


Audrey's favourite line all of a sudden floats up again, it holds so true.


Thank You. (: