I'm like spamming blog entries today. Just received a card from UK. THANKS ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D It's a rather long one, awwww. Miss you too, quick come back and we can have many sleepovers!
JC wasn't exactly the most fun period of my life, but come to think of it, I do miss some of the crazy moments during CO practices. Laughing and laughing non-stop, lol. The saddest fact about Woodwinds, you either laugh OR you play properly. No idea why we had so many random laughing fits but well, it was fun. Other than laughing at the wrong moments and getting some glares from the conductor, and the time Mr Teo had been standing behind us all the while but we didn't realise. Lol.
Don't look back at those days. I'm extremely shy and quiet now.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thank God, I'm done with my applications! Finally, after putting it off for so long. And thank God that there're no discrepancies, otherwise I'll just get a heart attack. Haven't applied for SIM, wondering if I should do so. Everything looks really confusing, expensive and ludicrous. And SMU is one troublesome school.
The world out there's indeed small. Favian knows Yinhao!
Before I forget, thank you all for the belated birthday presents and cards. And an advance thank you for "present part 2", with the MIA cavewoman. Wahaha. :D
The world out there's indeed small. Favian knows Yinhao!
Before I forget, thank you all for the belated birthday presents and cards. And an advance thank you for "present part 2", with the MIA cavewoman. Wahaha. :D
Chaotic, crazy, cranky, crabby. To sum up my emotions and the week in a... C. Dotz. Thank God it got better. But my patience has been very thin the past two weeks. Resulted in my dad blowing his top a few days ago. I'm sorry if I sound snappish, maybe you'll prefer not to step on a land mine.
Been feeling stifled and all that crappy stuff and crying in bed in weird hours of the morning. But I'm really not in a depressed state, I just cry extremely easily and I think it's quite a blessing otherwise I'll just explode. Anyway, that's not the point. I was feeling the same way few mornings ago, so I msged Valerie. Not that I expected a call or reply from her at that kinda time, but just wanted to tell someone. After which I somehow fell asleep and when I woke up many hours later, I saw her reply, "................. look under your computer keyboard". So I suspiciously lifted it up and... There was a letter from her! I was tremendously shocked, she apparently snuck in sometime, placed it there and vanished. Was so moved to tears when I read it. Not to mention that she actually came down to deliver a letter for a few seconds. Thank you killerrrrrr. And a big thank you to you all (you know who you are) for your prayers, advice, encouragement and "how are yous". Am really touched, thank God for the people around me.
Yesterday's VIBE was a blast. My first time helping out with the drinks, doing the mocktails. SO COOL. It was so fun shaking the drinks! I don't think I'm shaking correctly but yeah... It's still fun lol. Minus the fact that I took half a day before succeeding in piak-ing the cup out (my hand still hurts), a few scary moments, sudden mountains of orders that nearly killed my fragile hand, couple of wrong orders and wrong stuff added... HAHA. Oh no. And someone ordered a "green-coloured drink" but the drink I gave the person was yellow. And the person said, "This is the green-coloured drink?" But he/she decided to just give that to the person who ordered lol. I was quite guilty but super amused too hehe. Oops. Took me 5 minutes to realise, I obviously added the wrong thing. The person wanted Island Punch but I gave half a... The drink that starts with K. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! Heheh but it was seriously loads of fun, thanks everyone for your patience, guidance and for helping this amateur piak cups and open stuff. <3 Yays thank God for this opportunity to serve :)
Today's a gross day. It was raining heavily, involves my bag and shoes. Figure out the rest yourself. Bleah.
Guess I'm pretty well-rested physically, other than weekends, but yeah, I probably have double the amount of sleep a nineteen-year-old has. But mentally... Not so. Argh.
I'm pushing my applications to later again... Looking at how I'm procrastinating, I might as well just push all the way till next year. :/
I don't know how, I really don't. I need a starting point. What's my first step?
Been feeling stifled and all that crappy stuff and crying in bed in weird hours of the morning. But I'm really not in a depressed state, I just cry extremely easily and I think it's quite a blessing otherwise I'll just explode. Anyway, that's not the point. I was feeling the same way few mornings ago, so I msged Valerie. Not that I expected a call or reply from her at that kinda time, but just wanted to tell someone. After which I somehow fell asleep and when I woke up many hours later, I saw her reply, "................. look under your computer keyboard". So I suspiciously lifted it up and... There was a letter from her! I was tremendously shocked, she apparently snuck in sometime, placed it there and vanished. Was so moved to tears when I read it. Not to mention that she actually came down to deliver a letter for a few seconds. Thank you killerrrrrr. And a big thank you to you all (you know who you are) for your prayers, advice, encouragement and "how are yous". Am really touched, thank God for the people around me.
Yesterday's VIBE was a blast. My first time helping out with the drinks, doing the mocktails. SO COOL. It was so fun shaking the drinks! I don't think I'm shaking correctly but yeah... It's still fun lol. Minus the fact that I took half a day before succeeding in piak-ing the cup out (my hand still hurts), a few scary moments, sudden mountains of orders that nearly killed my fragile hand, couple of wrong orders and wrong stuff added... HAHA. Oh no. And someone ordered a "green-coloured drink" but the drink I gave the person was yellow. And the person said, "This is the green-coloured drink?" But he/she decided to just give that to the person who ordered lol. I was quite guilty but super amused too hehe. Oops. Took me 5 minutes to realise, I obviously added the wrong thing. The person wanted Island Punch but I gave half a... The drink that starts with K. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! Heheh but it was seriously loads of fun, thanks everyone for your patience, guidance and for helping this amateur piak cups and open stuff. <3 Yays thank God for this opportunity to serve :)
Today's a gross day. It was raining heavily, involves my bag and shoes. Figure out the rest yourself. Bleah.
Guess I'm pretty well-rested physically, other than weekends, but yeah, I probably have double the amount of sleep a nineteen-year-old has. But mentally... Not so. Argh.
I'm pushing my applications to later again... Looking at how I'm procrastinating, I might as well just push all the way till next year. :/
I don't know how, I really don't. I need a starting point. What's my first step?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
So that's it, eh? Certainly makes sense but I still can't figure out what to do.
I lost my temper just now, still feeling peeved about it but, whatever.
Much as I long to spill my woes, it's just not me to do that. Seems like ever since I entered JC I've lost the ability to communicate. Sudden change? Maybe.
Guess I'm indeed secretly depressed. (That's why we're such good friends)
When this silence gets way too deafening.
I lost my temper just now, still feeling peeved about it but, whatever.
Much as I long to spill my woes, it's just not me to do that. Seems like ever since I entered JC I've lost the ability to communicate. Sudden change? Maybe.
Guess I'm indeed secretly depressed. (That's why we're such good friends)
When this silence gets way too deafening.
My recent posts sure are gloomy and whiney. If I could type these in Greek I would. Been feeling moody the past week, but I've no idea why. Loads of mixed feelings, partially due to the headache of university applications, which I'll close my eyes to complete soon. Honestly, I don't really care about that, zzz.
My dad's been asking me the same questions every single day as usual. Marvellous, ain't it, to go on and on and on. And on and on. And on. Annoying but pretty much bearable. I'll just ignore him and pretend that I already know a lot about the courses, which I obviously don't. What's really getting on my nerves is that my parents seem to be taking turns to ask me the same questions / insult me / remind me that I didn't do well for my A levels and the whole world did. Heh, when you really want to accept everything but somehow you can't.
"You did badly for your A's, do you know? Do you know? Do you know?" (times infinity)
I do wonder if I was really born into this family. No seriously. Hah. I'm sooo different from everyone else, my parents, uncles, cousins. I expect really little, but then again, I'm less compelled to achieve.
"Why do you wanna throw your life away?"
My family freaks me out sometimes. Or rather, most of the time. In ways that are best not mentioned here.
"X did very well for her exams, Y got a prize for doing well. Why can't you put in effort in your studies?"(Who cares about studying)
Was pondering over this before, whether a parent would prefer their child be easily contented or sink into depression so readily due to sky-high expectations. Of course, the best is to have a balance, to which my neither myself nor some others isn't considered to be.
"This student from JJC got straight A's, you can't even get a single A."
Results aren't everything, so people say. And they really shouldn't be. But sadly, for these circumstances, for these people, they are.
I'm rather immune to my relatives' never-ending talk about academic results. But for my parents to constantly say that, it's above annoying, it's... Discouraging. Extremely. Wasn't even let off during my birthday celebration. On top of the insults in front of everyone (what's new), when I was making a birthday wish... "You should wish for yourself to wake up and not be contented with such terrible grades."
You could say one thing and do another. And then we realise, it's so hard to let God write our life stories. So hard.
Our troubles are really small aren't they. When you compare them to what different people from different places are experiencing. But somehow they always seem so magnified at that instant.
Nah I'm not on the road to depression. I'm just, not so happy. Suppressed, bombarded, alone. I know I'm not alone, but, ah well. Or perhaps I'm on the brink of schizophrenia. Gasp.
Don't ask me about my PM. It's nothing material. You'll either not understand, or think I'm mad. So yeah.
It shouldn't be this way...
Can people not be so busy? Uh, I guess I'm too free.
Cry out.
Hello? Is anyone there?
Silence...
My dad's been asking me the same questions every single day as usual. Marvellous, ain't it, to go on and on and on. And on and on. And on. Annoying but pretty much bearable. I'll just ignore him and pretend that I already know a lot about the courses, which I obviously don't. What's really getting on my nerves is that my parents seem to be taking turns to ask me the same questions / insult me / remind me that I didn't do well for my A levels and the whole world did. Heh, when you really want to accept everything but somehow you can't.
"You did badly for your A's, do you know? Do you know? Do you know?" (times infinity)
I do wonder if I was really born into this family. No seriously. Hah. I'm sooo different from everyone else, my parents, uncles, cousins. I expect really little, but then again, I'm less compelled to achieve.
"Why do you wanna throw your life away?"
My family freaks me out sometimes. Or rather, most of the time. In ways that are best not mentioned here.
"X did very well for her exams, Y got a prize for doing well. Why can't you put in effort in your studies?"
Was pondering over this before, whether a parent would prefer their child be easily contented or sink into depression so readily due to sky-high expectations. Of course, the best is to have a balance, to which my neither myself nor some others isn't considered to be.
"This student from JJC got straight A's, you can't even get a single A."
Results aren't everything, so people say. And they really shouldn't be. But sadly, for these circumstances, for these people, they are.
I'm rather immune to my relatives' never-ending talk about academic results. But for my parents to constantly say that, it's above annoying, it's... Discouraging. Extremely. Wasn't even let off during my birthday celebration. On top of the insults in front of everyone (what's new), when I was making a birthday wish... "You should wish for yourself to wake up and not be contented with such terrible grades."
You could say one thing and do another. And then we realise, it's so hard to let God write our life stories. So hard.
Our troubles are really small aren't they. When you compare them to what different people from different places are experiencing. But somehow they always seem so magnified at that instant.
Nah I'm not on the road to depression. I'm just, not so happy. Suppressed, bombarded, alone. I know I'm not alone, but, ah well. Or perhaps I'm on the brink of schizophrenia. Gasp.
Don't ask me about my PM. It's nothing material. You'll either not understand, or think I'm mad. So yeah.
It shouldn't be this way...
Can people not be so busy? Uh, I guess I'm too free.
Cry out.
Hello? Is anyone there?
Silence...
Friday, March 20, 2009
Sometimes I wish I didn't cry like a damaged dam. Zzz. I'm not exactly here for you to scold every single day, lose your temper and hurl insults at when you're all of a sudden not very happy. I don't get these swings, but I'm not very fond of them. I'm puzzled enough as it is. I wanna make a decision soon too, but I can't. Yes, that person has got this, that person has got that. I'm not "that person".
When you're trying hard not to look back but the people around you just have to remind you...
Kinda wish you're here, maybe I could distract myself by talking about these simple, unimportant things. But then again, maybe not.
Right now, I wish I could disappear from this cacophony.
My fault, my fault, all my fault.
*disappears*
When you're trying hard not to look back but the people around you just have to remind you...
Kinda wish you're here, maybe I could distract myself by talking about these simple, unimportant things. But then again, maybe not.
Right now, I wish I could disappear from this cacophony.
My fault, my fault, all my fault.
*disappears*
Monday, March 16, 2009
I feel like this.
And I shouldn't be. I do not have the stress of exams on my back, neither do I have the woes of working life. I'm just a jobless, aimless nineteen-year-old slacking no end. Perhaps that's why. A person having too little to do and too much time to spare, starts pondering about life in the wee hours. My life. Was on the phone with Val the entire bus journey from church, was telling her of my sudden thought last night, that I've probably thrown my life away. Well it isn't half as serious as it sounds, but you know, our little decisions here and there can bring much grief to the ones dearest to us. While I'm not thinking much about the years I've slacked away, while I'm ever thankful for my miles from decent results, I've unknowingly hurt my parents so much. They don't really tell it to me but it can be seen from how my dad's been worrying over university courses, printing out sheets of information for me, and how my mum's trying to hide all that with cynical comments to my relatives. There's no way I can relive the years again, and sermons always tell us not to look back. But each time I accidentally overhear my talking about me, it's enough to feel her frustrations. No nasty words, just how she truly feels. And it makes me question why I'm so unmotivated and directionless.
Pick myself up... I've got no strength, I've got no zeal.
I feel extremely confused. Courses are one thing. Besides Social Science, I don't really know what else to consider. And it's not like I REALLY WANT to do Social Science. My parents are telling me loads of stuff , my mum doesn't think I should apply for social science. I honestly don't know what I wanna do in future and I'm having a headache just thinking of the courses. Of course, not my will, but Yours. But what is Your will?
Then there's the struggle with surrendering. Being the centre of God's will. Letting God take control. But not really being able to do so. Sometimes unwilling to do so as I don't wish to do something I don't like. Surrender... I don't think I understand this word anymore.
I'm beginning to not know how to express myself. I find it tough doing the simplest of stuff, like talking to someone. I'm way too face-conscious.
It's all becoming a routine once more.
I don't feel like doing anything.
If I only had humility.
Lord, Help.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What an awesome nineteenth! :)
Went to meet Siqian at PS, walked and sat around while waiting for Mimi to have dinner. Oh, I saw Dione! She was walking around waiting for her vocal lessons. Yeah, at one point I was in the washroom and when I came out, Chia Wen was with Siqian. Was pretty surprised as I didn't know she'd be joining us, she kinda like popped out of nowhere hahaha. Headed to Ajisen for dinner after Mimi came, thanks Mimi, for the treat! And for helping us with the extra ingredients such that she almost exploded lol. After which we went over to Swensens, and that's where the surprise came. I followed the three of them to this table of people, and I was wondering, "why do these people look so familiar?" lol! Jean, Jessie, Malcolm, Aunty Abigail, Amelia, Catherine and Hock Cai were there too! I honestly thought it was just the four of us, was so surprised to see the rest there too. :) They started singing this cute birthday song about being one year older and having no cake so my "cake" was a pau with a candle on top LOL. So cute! But the real cake came when we were praying I think, popped out of nowhere again. Thank you guys, for specially coming down to celebrate my birthday! Really happy and touched. Thank God for all of you, thank God for such a special birthday! :) :)
BIG thank you to...
My parents and Yixin for the dinner yesterday.
My relatives for celebrating my birthday with me, my uncles and aunts for the ang pows, my cousins for all the fun!
Chia Wen, Siqian, Ray, Jean, Jessie, Catherine, Amelia, Aunty Abigail, Mimi, Nicholas for the gifts / cards / treats. And those who're gonna give me belated presents. No worries, I know y'all still love me. LOL!!!
Jingyu, Lam Lee, Clara, Cheryl, Hock Cai, Joanne, Diane, Jolie, Rogan, Zilu, Nicholas, Vivian, Jinghan, Siqian, Suyun, Amelia, Jeenise, Catherine, Xianghong, Jessie, Jobina, Yihui, Yingyu, Chia Wen, Jieying, Youbao, Kelvin, Sharon, Liqin, Yuqian, Carmen, Michelle, Iris, Eleanor, Malcolm, Cephia, Mingyao for the wishes! (Apologies if I accidentally left out your name, I still love you, haha)
Of course, thank God for another year of His love! Thank you everyone, thank God for a very memorable, very blessed nineteenth. :)
Went to meet Siqian at PS, walked and sat around while waiting for Mimi to have dinner. Oh, I saw Dione! She was walking around waiting for her vocal lessons. Yeah, at one point I was in the washroom and when I came out, Chia Wen was with Siqian. Was pretty surprised as I didn't know she'd be joining us, she kinda like popped out of nowhere hahaha. Headed to Ajisen for dinner after Mimi came, thanks Mimi, for the treat! And for helping us with the extra ingredients such that she almost exploded lol. After which we went over to Swensens, and that's where the surprise came. I followed the three of them to this table of people, and I was wondering, "why do these people look so familiar?" lol! Jean, Jessie, Malcolm, Aunty Abigail, Amelia, Catherine and Hock Cai were there too! I honestly thought it was just the four of us, was so surprised to see the rest there too. :) They started singing this cute birthday song about being one year older and having no cake so my "cake" was a pau with a candle on top LOL. So cute! But the real cake came when we were praying I think, popped out of nowhere again. Thank you guys, for specially coming down to celebrate my birthday! Really happy and touched. Thank God for all of you, thank God for such a special birthday! :) :)
BIG thank you to...
My parents and Yixin for the dinner yesterday.
My relatives for celebrating my birthday with me, my uncles and aunts for the ang pows, my cousins for all the fun!
Chia Wen, Siqian, Ray, Jean, Jessie, Catherine, Amelia, Aunty Abigail, Mimi, Nicholas for the gifts / cards / treats. And those who're gonna give me belated presents. No worries, I know y'all still love me. LOL!!!
Jingyu, Lam Lee, Clara, Cheryl, Hock Cai, Joanne, Diane, Jolie, Rogan, Zilu, Nicholas, Vivian, Jinghan, Siqian, Suyun, Amelia, Jeenise, Catherine, Xianghong, Jessie, Jobina, Yihui, Yingyu, Chia Wen, Jieying, Youbao, Kelvin, Sharon, Liqin, Yuqian, Carmen, Michelle, Iris, Eleanor, Malcolm, Cephia, Mingyao for the wishes! (Apologies if I accidentally left out your name, I still love you, haha)
Of course, thank God for another year of His love! Thank you everyone, thank God for a very memorable, very blessed nineteenth. :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Nineteen! ;)
Had dinner at Roxy Hotel with my parents and cousin, Yixin, form of a mini celebration. After which headed home for a celebration with my relatives. Been about a decade since I last celebrated with my relatives. My dad all of a sudden suggested it this year, and I thought it's a good idea haha. Nice having a celebration with my family, though my mum hasn't gotten over her love for insulting me in front of my relatives. But it's a happy occassion, so I'll try not to be annoyed. Big thank you to my uncles, aunts and cousins for coming over! :)
The past few days have been slack. (Oh, what a surprise.) My hatred for Chinese surfaced again. Yeah I've never liked chinese, but I hate it once again. No I mean, I have a secret love for chinese cos I'm secretly pro at it but yes, I outwardly dislike chinese. HAHA. Cos, here's what happened at 7-11 a few nights ago.
This guy approaches me, wanting me to translate something to the cashier.
Guy: Rattles off in mandarin.
Me: Blur and stunned.
Guy: Repeats.
Me: Still blur and still stunned.
Guy: Do you understand chinese? (In mandarin, of course)
Me: Uh, yes.
Guy: Repeats slowly.
Me: Translates to the cashier in dribs and drabs.
Cashier: Hands what the guy wants to him.
Guy: Takes out money, about to pay... "Eh, no, that's not what I want!"
Me: *runs*
Okay I didn't run, just tried to look like it was a momentarory glitch. It was quite embarrassing, not to mention I was feeling a little guilty. Thankfully he realised it and did not buy the wrong thing wahaha. See, that is why I hate chinese!
Thank you for the wishes and present, that's really efficient. Thank yous to my relatives for the ang pows too! Yay, I'm not bankrupt anymore! For now.
Thank God that I'm alive to celebrate my nineteenth. Haha don't mean to sound pessimistic but really, thank God for sustaining me throughout my JC life. I can't believe I didn't get retained, I can't believe I don't have to retake my A levels. Otherwise I won't be happily thanking anyone here, my dad would've confiscated my keyboard and mouse and I'll be a sad lonely soul at my deskpretending to study studying. Heheh. As I look back, it's truly God's grace that enabled me to survive JC, that brought me here today! Thank God!
Whee I love the carebear I got, it's lime green and it's so cute! My thank-you list will be up later, but once again, thank you all! :)
Had dinner at Roxy Hotel with my parents and cousin, Yixin, form of a mini celebration. After which headed home for a celebration with my relatives. Been about a decade since I last celebrated with my relatives. My dad all of a sudden suggested it this year, and I thought it's a good idea haha. Nice having a celebration with my family, though my mum hasn't gotten over her love for insulting me in front of my relatives. But it's a happy occassion, so I'll try not to be annoyed. Big thank you to my uncles, aunts and cousins for coming over! :)
The past few days have been slack. (Oh, what a surprise.) My hatred for Chinese surfaced again. Yeah I've never liked chinese, but I hate it once again. No I mean, I have a secret love for chinese cos I'm secretly pro at it but yes, I outwardly dislike chinese. HAHA. Cos, here's what happened at 7-11 a few nights ago.
This guy approaches me, wanting me to translate something to the cashier.
Guy: Rattles off in mandarin.
Me: Blur and stunned.
Guy: Repeats.
Me: Still blur and still stunned.
Guy: Do you understand chinese? (In mandarin, of course)
Me: Uh, yes.
Guy: Repeats slowly.
Me: Translates to the cashier in dribs and drabs.
Cashier: Hands what the guy wants to him.
Guy: Takes out money, about to pay... "Eh, no, that's not what I want!"
Me: *runs*
Okay I didn't run, just tried to look like it was a momentarory glitch. It was quite embarrassing, not to mention I was feeling a little guilty. Thankfully he realised it and did not buy the wrong thing wahaha. See, that is why I hate chinese!
Thank you for the wishes and present, that's really efficient. Thank yous to my relatives for the ang pows too! Yay, I'm not bankrupt anymore! For now.
Thank God that I'm alive to celebrate my nineteenth. Haha don't mean to sound pessimistic but really, thank God for sustaining me throughout my JC life. I can't believe I didn't get retained, I can't believe I don't have to retake my A levels. Otherwise I won't be happily thanking anyone here, my dad would've confiscated my keyboard and mouse and I'll be a sad lonely soul at my desk
Whee I love the carebear I got, it's lime green and it's so cute! My thank-you list will be up later, but once again, thank you all! :)
Saturday, March 07, 2009
This will be long.
So the long-awaited (dreaded, rather) moment arrived at 2.30pm today. Thanks all for the well wishes and those who sounded more excited than myself (Zilu msging me from the UK a few days ago, Jolie's msg in CAPS, juniors being so excited for I don't know what reason lol). Well the past few days were pretty normal, no worries, no nightmares, all the way till this afternoon when I stepped into the canteen. Right on the plasma screen was printed H1 Biology, 95.7% pass, one person got S. I started feeling a little uncomfortable, cos we all know I've been failing my Bio, very badly at that.
Fast forward to us seated in the hall, Mr Chan with his short, sharp, sweet speech, announcement of top students, VALERIE CHAN. More on that later. Yep though I wasn't worrying my days away, at times I'd picture myself not daring to look at my result slip. And yeah, I began to feel rather afraid just now. What if I really failed my A's, what if all I had were D's, E's and Ses, what if, what if, what if... When it was finally my turn to collect my stuff, I was wondering how I'd react. Didn't help that Mr Lim took a thousand years sorting out Amelia, Huijin's and my stuff. When he handed me my result slip, I really didn't want to look but I just glanced and, wow. Erm, not WOW, I wasn't ecstatic, I was just thankful, very, very thankful.
For those who've been asking and maybe I forgot to tell you, got BCCC and B for GP. Nowhere near stellar but I'm really, really thankful and honestly, I could not ask for more. That B for GP's already so alarming, plus I've never passed my bio and chem in my life and for math other than once, I've failed the rest. It's just so unbelievable. Prior to today I haven't dared to even expect anything, let alone wish for any A's. When I gave thanks during Uth, I could only say like one sentence but I've got SO MUCH to be thankful for. And I just can't thank God enough. I mean, I know that I've slacked away two years in JC, I know how much I struggled to catch up but failed and almost gave up, I know how much of a last-minute person I am, I know how much I love to sleep, I know how many topics I threw away, I know how much effort I put in. A levels were tough, I really couldn't have survived it on my own strength. And it's purely God's grace and only His grace that I got these results. THANK GOD!!!!!!
Was talking to a couple of teachers in school, and I felt so touched, especially when Mr Teo talked to me. He asked me how I felt about getting a C for math, then went on to apologise that it's his fault, he could have helped me get at least a B. I felt so, so guilty upon hearing that and I was trying to say it's my own fault but he just insisted that it's his fault as well and yeah... Felt so bad. Ah Mr Teo's so nice! Mr Fong talked to me too and I was feeling smug about it (that's the VP, I'm such a big shot, he remembers my name!). HAHA nah cos he was my mentor back at DHS and as usual, he was nice and encouraging. Talked to a few more teachers after that, Mr Chua, Ms Meta, Mrs Lim, who was really funny, how she worried that the S for bio was me and how happy she was when she saw that I got a C HAHAHA!
My dad asked me if I'm satisfied with my results to which I said yes, and he was quite shocked. Aye I don't know what does he expect as well, when I got back my prelim results, he was so sure the best grades I'd get for the A levels were D's. And when I've got above D's, he goes on to say, "See, if you'd put in effort, you'd have gotten A's." Ha. Ha. I don't deny I used to have that mentality, when I got back my O's results. I felt a tinge of indignance, like, if only I'd worked harder for this subject, if only my english were better, if only I weren't so careless for E Math, if only.............. I'd have done so much better! All the way till sometime last year when I was thinking, if I put in effort, I'll be able to do well. But now, no more of this. I don't want to think of the "if onlys", because it's done. My dad asked if I could have done better, and I said no. A definite no. As Valerie said, it's all in God's plans. You can prepare so much for a Literature paper and on the day itself, forget to write the question number *cough*. What's most important, is to really depend on Him.
On the bus home from church, I started tear-ing, was so touched by the people around me. And of course, was just so thankful, that God is good, God is so good, and I don't even deserve it. I must've looked quite mad sobbing away, thankfully there weren't many people haha. But yeah I kinda dreaded people asking for my results, I thought I'd actually yell at anyone who called but today, I was extremely touched. Zilu calling me all the way from the UK, my cousins calling, and everyone else's genuine care. Thank God for these people, thank God for my really good friends.
Ha the moment I entered the toilet when I got home, I just cried. It was a mixture of emotions. Moved, thankful, at the same time... Tired by all the comparison. Oh well I should be used to this, seeing that comparison is one of the Toh family traits. But sometimes it's just so tiring hearing the same thing over and over again. "So, all your friends got A's and you didn't, right? What do you want to do Social Science for, it's a dumping ground!" (Doesn't this sound familiar) Sigh.
Let's talk about happier stuff. Indeed, everyone did very well and I'm so happy for all of you! KILLER!!!!! Was so touched when you told me you were worried for me as well. But I wasn't worried for you, I just knew you'll do extremely well, and you did! I'm SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! Yeah, it's all God's grace.
Audrey's favourite line all of a sudden floats up again, it holds so true.
Thank You. (:
So the long-awaited (dreaded, rather) moment arrived at 2.30pm today. Thanks all for the well wishes and those who sounded more excited than myself (Zilu msging me from the UK a few days ago, Jolie's msg in CAPS, juniors being so excited for I don't know what reason lol). Well the past few days were pretty normal, no worries, no nightmares, all the way till this afternoon when I stepped into the canteen. Right on the plasma screen was printed H1 Biology, 95.7% pass, one person got S. I started feeling a little uncomfortable, cos we all know I've been failing my Bio, very badly at that.
Fast forward to us seated in the hall, Mr Chan with his short, sharp, sweet speech, announcement of top students, VALERIE CHAN. More on that later. Yep though I wasn't worrying my days away, at times I'd picture myself not daring to look at my result slip. And yeah, I began to feel rather afraid just now. What if I really failed my A's, what if all I had were D's, E's and Ses, what if, what if, what if... When it was finally my turn to collect my stuff, I was wondering how I'd react. Didn't help that Mr Lim took a thousand years sorting out Amelia, Huijin's and my stuff. When he handed me my result slip, I really didn't want to look but I just glanced and, wow. Erm, not WOW, I wasn't ecstatic, I was just thankful, very, very thankful.
For those who've been asking and maybe I forgot to tell you, got BCCC and B for GP. Nowhere near stellar but I'm really, really thankful and honestly, I could not ask for more. That B for GP's already so alarming, plus I've never passed my bio and chem in my life and for math other than once, I've failed the rest. It's just so unbelievable. Prior to today I haven't dared to even expect anything, let alone wish for any A's. When I gave thanks during Uth, I could only say like one sentence but I've got SO MUCH to be thankful for. And I just can't thank God enough. I mean, I know that I've slacked away two years in JC, I know how much I struggled to catch up but failed and almost gave up, I know how much of a last-minute person I am, I know how much I love to sleep, I know how many topics I threw away, I know how much effort I put in. A levels were tough, I really couldn't have survived it on my own strength. And it's purely God's grace and only His grace that I got these results. THANK GOD!!!!!!
Was talking to a couple of teachers in school, and I felt so touched, especially when Mr Teo talked to me. He asked me how I felt about getting a C for math, then went on to apologise that it's his fault, he could have helped me get at least a B. I felt so, so guilty upon hearing that and I was trying to say it's my own fault but he just insisted that it's his fault as well and yeah... Felt so bad. Ah Mr Teo's so nice! Mr Fong talked to me too and I was feeling smug about it (that's the VP, I'm such a big shot, he remembers my name!). HAHA nah cos he was my mentor back at DHS and as usual, he was nice and encouraging. Talked to a few more teachers after that, Mr Chua, Ms Meta, Mrs Lim, who was really funny, how she worried that the S for bio was me and how happy she was when she saw that I got a C HAHAHA!
My dad asked me if I'm satisfied with my results to which I said yes, and he was quite shocked. Aye I don't know what does he expect as well, when I got back my prelim results, he was so sure the best grades I'd get for the A levels were D's. And when I've got above D's, he goes on to say, "See, if you'd put in effort, you'd have gotten A's." Ha. Ha. I don't deny I used to have that mentality, when I got back my O's results. I felt a tinge of indignance, like, if only I'd worked harder for this subject, if only my english were better, if only I weren't so careless for E Math, if only.............. I'd have done so much better! All the way till sometime last year when I was thinking, if I put in effort, I'll be able to do well. But now, no more of this. I don't want to think of the "if onlys", because it's done. My dad asked if I could have done better, and I said no. A definite no. As Valerie said, it's all in God's plans. You can prepare so much for a Literature paper and on the day itself, forget to write the question number *cough*. What's most important, is to really depend on Him.
On the bus home from church, I started tear-ing, was so touched by the people around me. And of course, was just so thankful, that God is good, God is so good, and I don't even deserve it. I must've looked quite mad sobbing away, thankfully there weren't many people haha. But yeah I kinda dreaded people asking for my results, I thought I'd actually yell at anyone who called but today, I was extremely touched. Zilu calling me all the way from the UK, my cousins calling, and everyone else's genuine care. Thank God for these people, thank God for my really good friends.
Ha the moment I entered the toilet when I got home, I just cried. It was a mixture of emotions. Moved, thankful, at the same time... Tired by all the comparison. Oh well I should be used to this, seeing that comparison is one of the Toh family traits. But sometimes it's just so tiring hearing the same thing over and over again. "So, all your friends got A's and you didn't, right? What do you want to do Social Science for, it's a dumping ground!" (Doesn't this sound familiar) Sigh.
Let's talk about happier stuff. Indeed, everyone did very well and I'm so happy for all of you! KILLER!!!!! Was so touched when you told me you were worried for me as well. But I wasn't worried for you, I just knew you'll do extremely well, and you did! I'm SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! Yeah, it's all God's grace.
Audrey's favourite line all of a sudden floats up again, it holds so true.
Thank You. (:
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
It was kinda a mad rush when I woke up today as I had to be at VCH in less than an hour but was trying to do some stuff. Which includes listening to the songs to get a feel of them and yes, printing more than 10 pages of scores hehe. Yeah I'm always doing things at the last minute and it's terrible. When I arrived at VCH, the whole world was already there (oops) and I strolled in with an iced milo and... In slippers. I don't see what's so amusing about walking around in slippers, aren't they the obvious solution to hurting feet caused by court shoes. But of course, don't wear them on stage lol.
The rehearsal was bad as expected. For me, that is. Seeing that I was looking at the scores for the first time and some parts were so fast and there were so many notes written all over the place, yeah I kinda skipped the G major part for Dong Hai heheh. Lol it was so funny when we were about to go up for our dizi concerto. We noticed that there wasn't much space for us to stand and we were picturing a scenario whereby the erhu bow knocks into us and we fall off the stage. HAHA. But the space was indeed small and couple of times during the song I had to glance at the floor, make sure I was still a few centimetres away from the edge. I think we'd have falled off had we taken a step forward lol.
Well attempted to make good use of the time after the rehearsal ended to really practise but somehow there were a lot of distractions. Still managed to practise the more important parts though. Haha. There was some sort of comparison going on between this year's Huang He and our year's when we were the leading batch. Honestly, it doesn't matter. There's bound to be differences, with completely different groups of people playing it. What's most important is that you all enjoy what you all played and for that, you guys succeeded! Technique-wise, might not have been the best, but it was a joy seeing the juniors so happy after the song and hearing them say they've done their best.
Was praying silently before we went up for Mu Min, helped calm my nerves. It was scary, halfway through my part I got a little over-excited and forgot to inhale a DEEP BREATH so I sounded quite breathless but thank God, managed to build up and pass it on. Thank God, thank God, thank God! Really enjoyed myself for that item, I thought it was such fun standing so close to a full-house audience! Once in a lifetime experience, and I'm thankful for that. The other items went quite well, much better than the rehearsal. Didn't skip anymore parts lol. Oh, the audience response was wonderful. Like always, shouting for one encore after another. But gone were the days when we just started out own encores so after playing just once, we walked off. Hahaha.
So, there's my last concert with DHSCO, the last time we're gonna have a concert in VCH (subsequent years' will be held at DHS). I'm glad I went back to perform, really enjoyed myself and got to know the juniors better. DHSCO, it's been an honour, do give your very best for the Malaysia trip (I might not be going, but I'll give every bit of moral support) and ultimately, SYF. No sweat, just hold on.
Thanks Huijing for everything, you're truly a responsible SL! :)
My mum all of a sudden asked when will the results be released (sigh, I thought she'd have forgotten that I'd taken my A's), to which I told her this friday. Moan. And of course she went on about retaking. Hehs. Not really worrying about it right now but I foresee I'll just faint on that day and not dare to open my result slip at all. But as Audrey said, God will provide enough for us to get to exactly where He wants us to go.
The rehearsal was bad as expected. For me, that is. Seeing that I was looking at the scores for the first time and some parts were so fast and there were so many notes written all over the place, yeah I kinda skipped the G major part for Dong Hai heheh. Lol it was so funny when we were about to go up for our dizi concerto. We noticed that there wasn't much space for us to stand and we were picturing a scenario whereby the erhu bow knocks into us and we fall off the stage. HAHA. But the space was indeed small and couple of times during the song I had to glance at the floor, make sure I was still a few centimetres away from the edge. I think we'd have falled off had we taken a step forward lol.
Well attempted to make good use of the time after the rehearsal ended to really practise but somehow there were a lot of distractions. Still managed to practise the more important parts though. Haha. There was some sort of comparison going on between this year's Huang He and our year's when we were the leading batch. Honestly, it doesn't matter. There's bound to be differences, with completely different groups of people playing it. What's most important is that you all enjoy what you all played and for that, you guys succeeded! Technique-wise, might not have been the best, but it was a joy seeing the juniors so happy after the song and hearing them say they've done their best.
Was praying silently before we went up for Mu Min, helped calm my nerves. It was scary, halfway through my part I got a little over-excited and forgot to inhale a DEEP BREATH so I sounded quite breathless but thank God, managed to build up and pass it on. Thank God, thank God, thank God! Really enjoyed myself for that item, I thought it was such fun standing so close to a full-house audience! Once in a lifetime experience, and I'm thankful for that. The other items went quite well, much better than the rehearsal. Didn't skip anymore parts lol. Oh, the audience response was wonderful. Like always, shouting for one encore after another. But gone were the days when we just started out own encores so after playing just once, we walked off. Hahaha.
So, there's my last concert with DHSCO, the last time we're gonna have a concert in VCH (subsequent years' will be held at DHS). I'm glad I went back to perform, really enjoyed myself and got to know the juniors better. DHSCO, it's been an honour, do give your very best for the Malaysia trip (I might not be going, but I'll give every bit of moral support) and ultimately, SYF. No sweat, just hold on.
Thanks Huijing for everything, you're truly a responsible SL! :)
My mum all of a sudden asked when will the results be released (sigh, I thought she'd have forgotten that I'd taken my A's), to which I told her this friday. Moan. And of course she went on about retaking. Hehs. Not really worrying about it right now but I foresee I'll just faint on that day and not dare to open my result slip at all. But as Audrey said, God will provide enough for us to get to exactly where He wants us to go.
The concert's in 18 hours' time and guess what, I haven't seen the scores for the other combined items that I'm gonna perform for. This is the ultimate last-minute, heh. Thankfully there's a rehearsal for me to screw up and feel scared before I begin my intensive practice lol.
Speaking of the concert, I kinda can't bear for it to end. Yeah, it hasn't even started but all will be over in the blink of an eye! Received an email from Zhiying yesterday, and was I so glad to see, "The tickets have been SOLD OUT!" Ticket sales had been so bad one, two weeks ago. And what with the difficulty in trying to reach the schools, it's really amazing. Thank God, really. The past two months of preparation, guess I'm gonna miss it. Even though I think I've been quite slack... Hehe. I'll miss my inbox being flooded with loads of documents, I'll miss having to meet the various deadlines, I'll miss working with the committee as this is the last event we're organising meaning the last time we're probably gonna work together, I'll miss going back for sectionals (to slack with the juniors) and orchestral practices (to feel scared about my part), I'll miss receiving those notifications about practices and most of all, I'll miss performing with DHSCO! I obviously won't be going back when I'm 20, lol. I definitely won't miss calling up the schools though. Heheh. Yay I've got something to remind me of the concert, a sample poster I got when I went down to print the posters.
Met up with Audrey for dinner at parkway just now. My timing must have been wonderful, when I got on 15 at my place, she was on the bus lol! It was great meeting up with her again, it's been ages since I last saw her! And she wrote me a rather long letter, some sort of "pre A level results release" encouragement. :) Oh, I bought two books by Jeffery Deaver for $18.90! Yays~
Gotta arrive at VCH earlier tomorrow to help out. Youbao and I are in charge of the backstage but... We don't really know what we're supposed to do HAHA. Doesn't matter actually, cos I picture myself drowning in my scores.
These technicalities might be beyond my capabilities, but I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me!
Speaking of the concert, I kinda can't bear for it to end. Yeah, it hasn't even started but all will be over in the blink of an eye! Received an email from Zhiying yesterday, and was I so glad to see, "The tickets have been SOLD OUT!" Ticket sales had been so bad one, two weeks ago. And what with the difficulty in trying to reach the schools, it's really amazing. Thank God, really. The past two months of preparation, guess I'm gonna miss it. Even though I think I've been quite slack... Hehe. I'll miss my inbox being flooded with loads of documents, I'll miss having to meet the various deadlines, I'll miss working with the committee as this is the last event we're organising meaning the last time we're probably gonna work together, I'll miss going back for sectionals (to slack with the juniors) and orchestral practices (to feel scared about my part), I'll miss receiving those notifications about practices and most of all, I'll miss performing with DHSCO! I obviously won't be going back when I'm 20, lol. I definitely won't miss calling up the schools though. Heheh. Yay I've got something to remind me of the concert, a sample poster I got when I went down to print the posters.
Met up with Audrey for dinner at parkway just now. My timing must have been wonderful, when I got on 15 at my place, she was on the bus lol! It was great meeting up with her again, it's been ages since I last saw her! And she wrote me a rather long letter, some sort of "pre A level results release" encouragement. :) Oh, I bought two books by Jeffery Deaver for $18.90! Yays~
Gotta arrive at VCH earlier tomorrow to help out. Youbao and I are in charge of the backstage but... We don't really know what we're supposed to do HAHA. Doesn't matter actually, cos I picture myself drowning in my scores.
These technicalities might be beyond my capabilities, but I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Went for Street E for the first time on thursday. It was a great experience, exciting, but I don't deny I was a little scared haha. Shy. Chia Wen did the sharing, while I just prayed in my heart. We met three people, and it was very heartening that they were all pretty open and receptive. I kinda expected cold shoulders and all that so yeah, thank God! And Street E's such an awesome thing, specially going out to bring the Good News to people. It's just so amazing, thank God for Street E :)
Vibe was great, went down with Yuqian, Lam Lee and Cristal. Full of nonsense LOL! But yeah, it was fun, THANK YOU for coming down! Hahahaha. The performances were really nice and that reminds me, I'd better do the write-ups soon before the ideas get erased from my limited memory. Stayed around after that to sweep the floor (the only household chore I know is sweeping) heheh. Unlike some housewife I know who seems to be perpetually washing the dishes and cleaning the house LOL! Okay I shan't go on in case I get scolded on someone's blog again HAHAHA. :P After which was a birthday celebration for Pat, which was so sweet, the candles and all. Whee!
Today's sermon was so real. It obviously wasn't fake but yeah, you know. I mean, it happens and the thought is pretty scary. Headed to James' place after that for Hock Cai's birthday surprise. Which was having him blindfolded from church all the way there on the bus (should have seen the amused faces of the passengers, what's more he was exclaiming so loudly lol), walking around at the void deck near James' place, finally pouring a bucket of water containing eggs, prawns, bee hoon and whatever disgusting stuff on him. It was really gross, looking at the water. Lol. And maybe for the first time I'm thankful for my spoilt nose. Lester was commenting in the lift, "YOU REALLY STINK!" but all I could smell was a little eggy stuff hahaha.
Was supposed to meet Audrey for dinner this evening but she had to visit her grandmother. So we're meeting on tuesday, and another day after getting back our A level results to "discuss our plans", as Audrey says. Hahaha. Well I'm pretty much plan-less for now. And speaking of the results, guess they'll be out this friday. I've pretty much shoved it to the back of my mind and it's working, unlike so many of my friends who've been dreaming of results. Come on, you all need to dream of better things. HAHA.
Oh, Pastor Jason said this morning about our sins finding us out. Just like how we can't escape from cheating the bus drivers. I put in 60 cents for my journey today and the bus driver asked me to tap my card. Hehe.
My cousins must be aiming to drain my brain juice dry. First, Nicholas asked a series of questions, and the ultimate, why do gays exist -.- Then, Vanessa asked this.
An animal that has a four-stage life cycle.
_ o _ _ _ _ _ _
I just couldn't think of it.
The answer? Mosquito. Help, I can't even do Primary 4 Science! :/
Vibe was great, went down with Yuqian, Lam Lee and Cristal. Full of nonsense LOL! But yeah, it was fun, THANK YOU for coming down! Hahahaha. The performances were really nice and that reminds me, I'd better do the write-ups soon before the ideas get erased from my limited memory. Stayed around after that to sweep the floor (the only household chore I know is sweeping) heheh. Unlike some housewife I know who seems to be perpetually washing the dishes and cleaning the house LOL! Okay I shan't go on in case I get scolded on someone's blog again HAHAHA. :P After which was a birthday celebration for Pat, which was so sweet, the candles and all. Whee!
Today's sermon was so real. It obviously wasn't fake but yeah, you know. I mean, it happens and the thought is pretty scary. Headed to James' place after that for Hock Cai's birthday surprise. Which was having him blindfolded from church all the way there on the bus (should have seen the amused faces of the passengers, what's more he was exclaiming so loudly lol), walking around at the void deck near James' place, finally pouring a bucket of water containing eggs, prawns, bee hoon and whatever disgusting stuff on him. It was really gross, looking at the water. Lol. And maybe for the first time I'm thankful for my spoilt nose. Lester was commenting in the lift, "YOU REALLY STINK!" but all I could smell was a little eggy stuff hahaha.
Was supposed to meet Audrey for dinner this evening but she had to visit her grandmother. So we're meeting on tuesday, and another day after getting back our A level results to "discuss our plans", as Audrey says. Hahaha. Well I'm pretty much plan-less for now. And speaking of the results, guess they'll be out this friday. I've pretty much shoved it to the back of my mind and it's working, unlike so many of my friends who've been dreaming of results. Come on, you all need to dream of better things. HAHA.
Oh, Pastor Jason said this morning about our sins finding us out. Just like how we can't escape from cheating the bus drivers. I put in 60 cents for my journey today and the bus driver asked me to tap my card. Hehe.
My cousins must be aiming to drain my brain juice dry. First, Nicholas asked a series of questions, and the ultimate, why do gays exist -.- Then, Vanessa asked this.
An animal that has a four-stage life cycle.
_ o _ _ _ _ _ _
I just couldn't think of it.
The answer? Mosquito. Help, I can't even do Primary 4 Science! :/
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