After having hung out with normal people for a couple of hours which allowed me to have my emotions stabilised and mind composed to think more sensibly and rationally, I've come to a conclusion. Not taking into account any external factor... How can I complain? How can I blame anyone? How can I? Press on. I've got to. His grace is sufficient, always is.


Val came over to my place this evening. And this is one mean friend I've got. My mum asked her, "Valerie, you came to stay over tonight?" And she replied, "No, I just came to scold Ruth." WHAT KIND OF A FRIEND IS THIS! Hahahahaha. Nahh, thank God for you killer. Really thank God that you came today, it was so timely. Thank you for caring so much, I truly appreciate it. :)


All this while I haven't had much time to think about it nor been in the mood to bother. But now that "no news is good news" no longer holds with the bad news that came, I'd be lying if I said I don't care. In fact, I'm starting to worry. But as so rightly said, why should we only give thanks when He showers us with blessings but not when He gives us trials and uncertainties? What's more, mine isn't even a life-and-death matter. Proverbs 3: 5, 6!


"Cos you need to have my intelligence", was my reply about a donkey's-years-ago matter we talked about. And guess what, I said that to one of VJ's top students! LOL!


I've decided not to pick up any nameless calls for the next few weeks. So if you've changed your number or are using your 5th phone line, toooooo baaaaaaad.


Should I perform with CCO this time? The idea of an Esplanade performance thrills me, but not that of spending National Day in Malaysia. And I have to give a reply really soon. How how how? :/

Felt like crap yesterday but I'm feeling better now after getting it off my chest. It's great telling someone, cos I obviously can't blog about it. Was rather tired, then came a prig, got me pretty pissed and it actually stuck till and through Vibe, even the most insignificant stuff annoyed me. My moods do get the better of me, I wasn't very nice to the people around, wasn't gonna volunteer to help, wasn't about to listen to anyone if I didn't feel like it. Yeah, felt really bad about it. I'm sorry.


"Humility is estimating your worth under the might of God, being aware of your weaknesses, not being conscious of others' strengths in comparison to yours."


Lord, teach me to be humble, not to feel that I'm better than anyone else, not to think that I'm doing such a huge favour to others. As this says it all, "For who am I to serve You, I know I don't deserve You". So many things and opportunities You've given me that I don't deserve. I shouldn't be thinking of proving anything to anyone, of anything else but glorifying You.


Alright. Happier stuff. I promised to blog about this, so I will. Someone went mountain-climbing in Kota Kinabalu in office wear and destroyed her shoes as a result. Guess who. Lol! :D


Other amusing stuff, and an extremely lame "joke" of the week.


My mum: Don't you ever go up the Singapore Flyer, you understand?
Me: I just did.


"I'm rooting for Adam to win American Idol."
"Well, you'll see him tomorrow anyway."
"Please explain?"
"Adam Rd."


Thinking of tomorrow makes me wanna cry but by His grace, I'll survive another week.

Thank God for sustaining me this week. Wasn't that bad really, other than several occassions I was really tired of all that sai kang, getting yelled at and having the phone hung up on me cos I couldn't understand them and vice versa, and... People. The reason I really appreciate being alone nowadays. Well I thought I was done with the calling but I had to call the list of 200 odd again. On top of hating Chinese, I'm now hating the telephone.


Was rather freaked out on thursday, prayed so hard and thank God I was just scaring myself. Decided not to tell my parents, they'd probably get me to quit lol. It was paranoia I guess, but at that time I was really scared and I was like, THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD at the end of it. Must have been the first time I was so happy to see a packed train lol. You could ask me if you wanna know what happened, there's stuff I don't wish to say here cos it's so scarily public. And yeah, lesson learnt, haha.


Thank God that I could go for Uth yesterday! And thank God for the message. Reminded me of this video, felt really blessed after watching it. Thanks Diane! :)


And because my comp has decided to be extremely annoying, I'm unable to post the video up, so here's the link if you wish to watch it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DCDApaqRhA


Love FM Static's latest album! Green Day's is not bad too. :D


What's this little uncertainty, this little exhaustion, compared to what others have experienced? Are we singing?

Rare to be home on a sunday afternoon. Back from Campus Retreat and suffering from after-camp withdrawals. Well it's the usual feeling I get after camps. After a coupla days of whackiness and having people around you, it feels empty coming back to a silent house. Maybe it's just me and this time, it's only for one night.


The camp was fantastic, activities and all. The workshop was just so, wow. We were taught how to study the bible, was really detailed, to the point that it got too deep, for me that is. Been wondering how to study the bible and I was pretty blown away by all that dissecting. Which also made me realise how little I know, how much time and effort I have to put in. Thank God for the workshop and Brother Peter, I really learnt loads. The discussions, lessons, reminders, not to mention corrections. And thank God for the camp, for the labourers, the messages, the food, the games, the weather, every single activity, every single person and every single moment. Really love such camps, it's so... Warm. Haha. And someone needs to be nicer to her leg(s). :D


So after the retreat at Sembawang, it'll be a week's retreat at, uh, Lakeside Island. Z.z.z.


"A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, 'I can't take any more.' Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God's hands."


Press on, press on.


Thankful for the friends around, who never fail to listen and encourage. Thank God for you all, who have been tremendous blessings. :)

That was one BLAZING HOT performance on American Idol! But of course, I'm not here to comment on that.


DHSCO was awesome today with the choice piece. Right from the first shout, to the reverberation following the drum beats, to Daniel's solo, to the very last note, the entire performance just made my hair stand on end. Yup, Gold with Honours, cheered like anything when they announced cos after all, it's a very special debut. With that, DHSCO has made a clean sweep with 3 GWH awards - Senior High, Junior High, Guzheng!


I thought I wouldn't care. But I did. Seeing many of them in tears just reminded me of the same occassion two years back when we had the same feeling, when we were the ones in tears. It sure hurts and all that "you gave your best" talk doesn't work as good as it sounds. Cos the fact remains. And I guess the worst part is having to go to school the next day, indignance and all. But at least they have a concert, so the end isn't as abrupt. Take this as a platform to achieve much more during the concert. And really, the bond forged can never be bought with an Honours, as I came to learn. The award doesn't define the orchestra; the Victorian spirit does. Now for the concert!


Now that I've landed myself in this, I'm thinking, maybe I don't really want it anymore. Or maybe I'm just scared. Yes, I'm pretty scared. Lord, help me, teach me, guide me.


Be proud, be very very proud.

Recalled a sermon preached some time back. The hardest word, "No". Times when we want something really badly, it's just so hard to accept it when God tells us, "No". Even when we know He has a better plan, that He makes no mistakes, we're busy shoving that thought out cos we just WANT IT.


Felt pretty down throughout the day after the interview. Wasn't bad, but wasn't good either. Guess I felt annoyed that I only said half of what I wanted to (always happens). Yeah, couldn't get my thoughts to flow all that smoothly and didn't manage to say much too. But well, after feeling moody for the whole afternoon and "celebrating my depression" with my depressed buddy, I feel more insightful now. Hahaha okay not really. But yeah, perhaps He wants something better for me. He has the perfect plan. Jesus, take the wheel.


Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord, empty me of me
So I can be filled with you


All the best, DHSSHCO and VJCO! I know I'm terribly missed, so I'll give every ounce of moral support from the audience seat. Hahaha. Enjoy the music! :)


Thank God for friends like these, thank God for times like these. Thank you, for being such a blessing. :)

Woohoo! Thank God for the splendid time at Labrador Park with the youths today, thank God for the awesome weather and fun! Dog and bone, charades, CAPTAIN'S BALL, monkey, volleyball, BRIDGE (we basically just planted ourselves there and played forever) haha. :D


Just when I thought my nightmare with interviews was over, I recently received notifications for two supposed interviews. Supposed as I haven't got the details for the more important one and as for the other, I don't even feel like going for it. And for the former, there wasn't even supposed to be an interview for that! S-C-A-M. Hoooooooooooow????? :( :( :( I wish university applications were as straightforward as applying for JCs (not that I went through the process, which brings me to another point). DSA!


Oh well leaving that aside for a moment, I'm so looking forward to wednesday. There's gonna be an exciting line-up of performances during the SYF! Just look at this.


7. Victoria Junior College 11.20am
8. Dunman High School (Senior High) 11.40am
9. Hwa Chong Institution (College) 12.00pm


Wow! Furthermore, it's DHSSHCO's first, taking part in the JC category. Can't wait to be blown away!


I'll sleep earlier today. My sleeping hours are as erratic as my eating habits, it's no wonder I'm this size and shrinking.


*shudders*