Not My Cup of Tea

If I were to rank my talents, acting would be near, if not at the bottom. I can't act for nuts. And you wonder how I ended up on stage a couple days ago for the Easter drama. Well, I did not mean for that to happen. But let's just say that it was a God-given opportunity, one I'm incredibly thankful for.

It was a humbling, but enriching experience. On one hand, I struggled to get myself into the role, struggled to express myself, struggled to let loose, struggled with the fear of going on stage. I would play the scenario of my legs crumbling or my heart jumping out of my mouth right before I went on stage in my mind, and I would feel all afraid. Sounds silly, but those were the thoughts that ran through my mind. I was afraid. Yet on the other hand, I was pumped. I knew I couldn't do it in my own strength. And that would be the perfect opportunity to fully depend on and glorify Him at the end.

I'm just overwhelmed by how He's worked through me. It was no perfect performance I put up that day, but I know that I couldn't have done it without Him. That was truly His strength manifest in my weakness. It's simply amazing. I remember how my heart was beating so quickly last Christmas before I went on stage to narrate. But this time, He took away my nerves and I managed to remain calm all the way till I made my appearance. Thank God for His peace, and for helping me remember my lines!

I can't help but think about this constantly - there're so many people out there who're tons better than me, so many people He could've used, but He used such a weak vessel in me. I'm thrilled, I'm blown away, I'm nothing but privileged.

Thank God for His hand upon the entire drama too. We saw how everything went wrong during the rehearsal the night before and on the actual day itself but when it came to the actual shows, everything clicked. The slides, video and audio clips, lines, everything. WE couldn't have done it without Him.

Acting... Still isn't my cup of tea. And so are many other things. But it's really in such situations that we truly learn to depend on and surrender our weaknesses to Him. It's scary, nonetheless exciting. At the end of it all, I can only look back, stand amazed, and proclaim, "To God be the glory!"

So Small

My brain was at saturation point from all that intense cramming, and I decided to take a breather along the area between Marina Square and Esplanade. As I soaked in the fresh evening air, gazed at the vast skyline and towering buildings, I felt so small. And it dawned on me that as I was small, so was everything around me and of me. My circumstances, my problems, my dreams, my plans - of which constitute the mountain I've been climbing, at the end of the day, are just grains of sand. In the eyes of God.

I've held much hope for my results this semester. Because I wish to salvage the ruins that my Math modules WILL cause, I told myself that I had to do well for my English and Education modules. I had to get A's. But after what happened last week and what was in my human tunnel-visioned term "a crushing defeat" yesterday, all hope seems lost. So while I was enjoying a short time of worship and prayer with Him just now, everything in my mind just clicked. Those were my plans, my thoughts, my desires. Did I even commit them to Him?

Thank God for speaking to me in those 20 precious minutes. I no longer want to be constrained by my own thoughts. I want to lift them up to Him and trust in His outcome for me. As I begin the battle tomorrow, I want to hum this song in my heart, and truly mean it.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands...

All to You, and all for You.

Thoughts on Counselling

Firstly, we're done with the presentation for our Counselling module! Thank God for awesome and highly efficient groupmates. The process was draggy at times (well as with most projects), but we got a pretty interesting topic, Depression and Anxiety, to work on, so I've definitely learnt valuable lessons from all that research. Did you know, that 1 suicide occurs every 40 seconds? (Okay don't remind me, I was trying to sound serious while getting this point across but my classmates laughed. Heh.)

No prizes for guessing why we were all in blue

And that concludes the module. It got boring along the way, but I do not regret taking this elective. It opened my eyes to matters concerning other people, and matters concerning myself. For one of the rare times, I can say that I've achieved the objectives of the course - I've learnt useful skills in Counselling that will help me as a future teacher and even as a person, and I've reflected and learnt more about myself in the process.

We were required to go through individual counselling (better termed as Personal Development Sessions) as part of the course. Although I found most of the sessions boring because I had no pressing problems or issues to talk about with my counsellor (even if I had, I wouldn't unload them on a... stranger), the sessions were useful overall. They gave me a clearer idea on my personality and inclinations, and allowed me to reflect on and reason why I do certain things. For example, why do I always say "anything" when people ask where I wish to go for a meal? Why am I so indecisive around people, but the other way round when I'm alone? Yeah, it's pretty interesting on the whole.

There were also weekly role-plays, where 3 of us in a group would take turns assuming the counsellor, client, and observer roles. Interestingly, each time I took on the role of a counsellor and my "client" bombarded me with his or her problems and feelings of despondence based on real-life scenarios, I'd have the urge to say, "I'll pray for you." But of course, I kept that back because it's not a "tangible" solution. Which leads me to question, how far can counselling help a person? Sure, we can explore solutions with our clients using the lessons we've learnt. But isn't this all too mechanic when you really think about it? After all, there's only One who can save these people from the deepest pits...

All in all, I've enjoyed the course. It's been a break away from the mundane academic courses. Sometimes we get thrown into the hustle and bustle of life and forget there's still a human side to the world. It's been a privilege sharing in people's life stories and experiences, a window view into the future. Stripping away everything that goes on around, I'm still human, and so are the people around me.

And no, I ain't gonna S/U this module. Fight till the end, man!