Not By Feelings

Because I said yes all too quickly. Because I went with obligations rather than emotions. Because I felt that changing my mind would make me seem so irresponsible. Because Matt. 5:37 says, to let our "yes" be "yes"...

That is why I'm in a state of regret and unhappiness now. How am I getting through Friday after Friday, meeting after meeting, all the way till April? But I suppose I did what's required of me... His grace is sufficient, no?

I've always been a very emotional person. I do what I want to do, I do what I feel like doing, I escape from what I do not want to do, I refuse to do anything that I do not feel like doing. But over this past week, the Lord has been teaching me so many things about this. For one, the project. For another, reaching out to people I do not feel comfortable with. Still another, going for certain activities. All these I wanted to turn down, as I did not WANT to do what I did not FEEL like doing. But somehow, a reminder kept popping up at the back of my mind. To stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith. Stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith. Stop depending on feelings. Step out in faith...

I thank God for His grace to put my feelings aside. I was deeply encouraged over the weekend. Saturday's outing was awesome. Sunday's Street-E was amazing. It was the first time I was placed in a "mentor" position. I was so worried, as I was usually paired with someone more experienced than I am who could "bail me out" when I was stuck. Not this time. This time, I was to guide. But thank God for His enabling, for just giving Daniel and me words to say. And thank God for Daniel, I'm just so blessed by his heart in wanting to reach out to the lost. Looking at him going up to strangers, asking them introductory questions... It just made me feel ashamed of myself. What was I doing at 15? Gossiping about the whole world, I'm serious. So anyway, we met with much discouragement and distractions at the start. Until we got to the last two people. One of them didn't really seem to be listening, so I just did my best to share, concentrating on the other lady. When I got to the decision part, I was nervous. (Cos I always get stuck there and have to wait for my partner to jump in.) But at that time, I knew I had to ask for her decision. I was just blown away when she made a profession! That was a first for me. Thank God for having led us to the one whose heart was ready. Thank God for working in this dear lady's heart, and for giving me wisdom in speech. Thank God for a great partner as well! I'm gonna cherish the last few weeks I have for Street E...

Thank God for Valentine's Day yesterday. It was a nice evening spent with the two singles and one couple. Thanks Charlotte for the gifts! (She drew my name for the gift exchange and I drew hers.)

And today, seems to be the day of goodbyes. Goodbye my friend, I never really thought that I'd actually miss you when you're gone but I apparently will. Goodbye to you, your departure came as a surprise to me but your contributions to the family will not be forgotten and I wish you all the best. Goodbye my favourite professor, English modules will never be the same without you but I trust that you'll continue to impact and inspire lives wherever you go. Take care, and God bless.

Teary eyed...