Help...

After three weeks of a fun, relaxing time, I'm missing Europe terribly, and am not looking forward to church camp tomorrow. Yeah, I'll be brutally honest. I'm scared, and I absolutely do not wish to go. I feel like I've been gone so long. My cousins asked if I could just go over to their place for a little while since they haven't seen me for a couple of weeks and will only see me next Friday, but I couldn't find the time to. I miss my family, and I want to just stay home, rest out of my jet-lag, and spend time with them.

I'm apprehensive of the rooming. I'm not saying anything about my roommates, but I'm not close to them at all. It makes me feel awkward.

I'm terrified of the shepherding responsibility. I'm required to shepherd 4 girls, 2 whom I'm not close with, 2 whom I've not met. I don't deny my eyes nearly popped out when I saw my name as a shepherd. Me? Of all people? I know I won't make a good one.

Then that's where faith comes in isn't it? I'm way out of my comfort zone this time, in rooming and responsibility. I can't do it. I can't click with people naturally. I can't lead. I can't reach out. But there's one thing I can do, and that is to trust God with all that I can't. It's always a choice. I can stay in my dread mood, or I can go expecting Him to work. I feel that right now, I do not have the capacity to trust. But let me remember that God is way bigger than my thoughts and emotions put together.

I'm physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually down. Lord, I really, really need You. Please prepare my heart, and work in it...

Don't run out on your faith...