Results

It's always a heart-attack moment when I check for my exam results. It was no different on Tuesday. In fact, it was a freaky instance. A few of us casually mentioned the release of results, wondering when that would be. Seconds later, an SMS came in saying that the results had been released! Talk about speaking of the "devil"...

I am simply overwhelmed with thanksgiving for my results. Words can't even express how happy and thankful I am! Granted, my GPA isn't fantastic. But don't they say, beggars can't be choosers? It makes no sense for a failure in Math to expect a First-Class Honours GPA.

Firstly, thank God that I passed both my Math modules! That was the biggest worry for me. Beginning of the semester, I never saw myself being able to pass. I struggled big time for both modules, so much that the idea of completely dropping Math came to mind. The only reason I continued on was all the hassle involved. Over the semester, I never really understood any of the lectures, never once passed any of the Math tests, never did well for the assignments. I remained clueless even up till a couple of days before the exams. It was only during the one to two days before each paper that I started cramming concepts into my head. When I look back on the meagre effort I put in and how I blanked at least 35 marks of the paper for each module, it's a miracle I passed. (And got 2 grades above a pass for one of them. Like that's super fantastic, but it's an added consolation, lol.) And it's a miracle done by Him.

The only thing I hoped for prior to the release was to pass my Math. I didn't care if I were to get a C for the rest of my modules. In fact, I was sure that I wouldn't do well for the rest of the papers as well and would see a major dip in my GPA. But by His grace, I got 2 A- grades for my English modules! That was a crazy surprise for me. I feel that I hardly put in any effort for both modules. One in which I crammed in a day, the other in 3 hours. After each paper, I felt like I was toast as I completely smoked my way through and my answers were so different from everyone else's. Also for one of the modules, I did pretty badly for my assignments. Based on calculations, I reckon that I must have gotten at least an A for the exam to get such a final grade. Which seems so impossible when I think back on the nonsense I wrote. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the grades. I know it's just so impossible and I really do not deserve it. His grace never fails to amaze me...

For the past three semesters, I've been pleasantly surprised at my results. But I would say that this is the first time I'm truly, truly thankful. Not that I wasn't thankful in the past. But with my thanksgivings came laments on how my GPA would have soared if not for Math pulling my grades down. There was always an element of human nature - our ability to complain about anything and everything - involved. I guess the reason why I'm so thankful this time is due to how much I struggled last semester. It was a tough time throughout. Even the exam period was tougher than usual. I had to juggle other commitments, did not have much time to study, spent my entire study week doing anything but study, felt utterly depressed and discouraged. The fact that I survived all that and obtained results like this, it's just sweetly unbelievable. Yeah, there really is a reason for everything He puts us through. The past semester's struggles have really made me so much more appreciative of what I have.

I pray for humility. In times like this, my head gets big and I start thinking to myself how smart I am. But truly, that was His strength made perfect in my weakness.

Thank You, Lord!

Thanksgivings for 2010

This came a little late, but better late than never yeah.

2010 was an amazing year I'd say. I learnt so many things, did things I never imagined I'd be able to do, saw God work in marvellous ways, experienced Him so real and close, served Him and worked with people I never did before. It had its rollercoaster moments, and that was what made everything so exciting.

I started the year with school and DHSCO commitments that took my weekends away. There were weeks I couldn't attend church and somehow, I was secretly happy. That was the starting point of a cruise in the first half of the year. A cruise away from the Lord. School was fun. The company of my friends was great. It was because of them that I looked forward to going to school everyday. And that was the very reason I turned to the comforts around me instead of the Lord. I was just spiritually down.

It came to a point that I was sick of my lifestyle. I had a 4-month long holiday, and I knew I had to make it productive. Thank God for Church Camp 2010. It wasn't a camp with spiritual and emotional highs and shedding of tears during altar calls, but I daresay the Lord really worked. I was stirred to think of things I never really thought of before, one being my parents' salvation. I was blessed by the reminders from Pastor Jaspers' sermons, as well as the fellowship and prayer with the ICE girls each night.

Then came the highlight of the year - the Philippines Evangelistic Campaign. That was simply an incredible experience, one I never dreamt I'd be a part of. It was way out of my element and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it in my own strength. I'd wanted to see God do a work in me that no one could do. And He did. He showed me so clearly that we can all walk on water, if we're only willing to step out of the boat. I'm glad I did. It's so wonderful to put our little seed of faith in a great God and have Him do the impossible in us. I'm still amazed by what He's done. But while this is something so huge to me, I have to remember not to limit God. There are no boundaries to His greatness, and I have to trust that there're huger things still to be done.

The second semester of school wasn't that great. In fact, it was a stark contrast to the first semester. I had the crappiest timetable ever, I was separated from my close friends for my classes, and my timings clashed with everyone else's so we could hardly meet. I was miserable, but I realised God was teaching me lessons. Indeed, I was so dependent on my friends in the first semester that He had to take them away and shift my focus to Him. I'm thankful for the tough time I had. There were nights I would just lie in bed crying, but I felt so comforted to have Someone above who understood all that I was going through and was always there for me. That was a lonely period, but it drew me so much closer to Him. And having seen Him do the impossible in the Philippines, I just had to trust that He could do it again.

It was then a mad rush to the end of the year. I picked up several responsibilities, served in more areas, struggled for my exams. Along the way, I was worn out and discouraged. But once again, God showed Himself strong by proving that He's always dependable, and He answers prayer. I learnt valuable lessons, such as the need to do what I do because of Him and no one else, and to focus on Him instead of my feelings, people and circumstances. That said, I'm very, very thankful for the many opportunities I had to serve Him this year. Thank God for the privilege to work with different people as well.

Of course, thank God for the people He brought alongside me. Thank God for...

Valerie. I'm still extremely amazed and thankful for this friendship. We can go months without meeting each other, yet the closeness is still there because we're always on the phone (lol). Thank God for a sister whom I can talk, cry, and laugh about everything with. Honestly, if not for this life testament of God's love and goodness, I probably wouldn't be where I am today.

Chia Wen and Jean. My beloved DG (that has disbanded LOL) mates! Thank God for the High Quest times where we'd share openly about each week we'd gone through, and the accountability as we prayed for one another over the weeks. These two have been tremendous blessings to me, and I really thank God for the privilege to be a part of this DG. I don't know if we'll still get opportunities to sit down and catch up like before, but well, friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. Thank God for the friendship.

Catherine and Amelia. My crazy sisters... Thank God for the opportunities to hang out more often towards the end of the year, for the sharing, worship and prayer times we could have, and for all the fun, joy, craziness and laughter. These two are just awesome company, and I'm really thankful for these dear sisters. Greater times to come. And not to mention, we have uniforms.

Janice. She's like a big sister to me, someone I can really tell my problems and struggles to and who'll give me advice and pray for me. Thank God for how she's always asking how I am, how's my walk with the Lord... These seemingly little things do show that someone actually cares, and it means a lot. Thank God for her support ministry-wise as well, otherwise I probably would have already thrown in the towel.

Ray, Jill, Hock Cai, Siqian, Rogan, Cheryl, who've taught and encouraged me so often, listened to my woes, prayed for me, hung out with me, and just been great blessings to me.

Vivian, Nicholas and Vanessa, my dear cousins. Thank God for my relationship with them, which has become a lot stronger this year. I'm deeply blessed by their relationship with one another, it's always endearing to see the love among siblings. I'm thankful for their love and support and the great times spent with them.

SCACZ (Sarah, Calvin, Amantha, Charlotte, Zenn). Thank God for school friends, who've made school life much more bearable. We hardly met up during the second semester, but I'm thankful for the times spent in the first. Not forgetting all the fun and random things we did together.

Daniel. Thank God for allowing us to first meet during practicum. It's been great getting to know him better. Thank God for the lifts to and from school, and for the long train rides back where we'd just share thoughts and stuff. Of course, he knows so much more than me and it's always nice listening to his thoughts.

Megan and Shihui. Sometimes, it's nice to have people with the same subject combination who're equally slack to (attempt to) study and moan about Math with. Hehe.

Lam Lee, Cristal, Yuqian, Joanne. I guess we've each changed over the years and we don't meet up so often now. But they always say, our secondary school friends will stick with us. I'm thankful for this group of friends who've been with me since my secondary school days. Thank God that we will still find time to meet up once in a while.

Thank God for 2010, for all the happenings, for every single person He's brought into my life. Looking back, this was the year I grew in faith and learnt to say "yes" to God more often. Thank God for what He's done in my life. Of course, thank God for who He is. Now that 2011 is here, it's time to embrace it, and expect even greater things in the year ahead. Because He is far greater than we can ever comprehend.